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Write down everything you have to pay each month.
Subtract this from your monthly net pay, then see what is left.
If you have more than one credit card with a balance. Open one that will give you an interest free period of time to pay and transfer the balances. Never pay interest on credit cards unless it’s a true emergency. Buying a purse is not an emergency and neither is eating in restaurants or coffe from Starbucks. Cut up the other cards.
Stop new charges. Put a stop to non essential purchases until you get on top of this. Plenty of people have dug themselves out of worse messes than you. Start today, and in a year, you’ll be in a better place.
OK, my wife is beautiful, i love her to death, physically she has everything that i love in a woman. Shes a Gemini, so she has crazy mood swings, sometimes its hard to deal with her split personality, but i cope. One thing that aggravates the Mod cut: language out of me, is that she is really really bad w/money!!!!! We both make descent money, with what we make her in el paso, we could be living comfortably, but no............im in debt up to my elbows, part of it, is my fault, because i never really helped her w the bills. I would just give her my check and expect and trusted that she was paying all the bills. Too make a long story short, she has messed up my crdt really bad, i cant get a car without a cosigner, nobody will give me credit, and my credit is at an all time low. I came to find out she had gone months without paying our credit cards,and now were stuck in a rut, we owe everywhere, and i find myself working crazy overtime trying to get caught up. What should i do with this woman, i mean i love her to death, but shes messing up being so irresponsible. I even lost a good job [career], because they checked my credit and it sucked!!!! so they declined to give me a position. I know this is probably my fault too, but damm!!!!
Dude, you were supposed to find this out about her before putting a ring on her! Differences in money management style is one of the top two causes of divorce, the other being sex (or the lack of it). But no, you threw caution to the wind, because she was a babe. Well, this is what that gets you, and you're not the only guy to fall into that trap.
Anyway, the obvious thing would be to stop giving her your checks, right? Separate your accounts, close all but one credit card, and remove her name from it. Tough love. If she doesn't like it, you may have other decisions to make, at that point.
Last edited by Ruth4Truth; 11-20-2018 at 10:06 PM..
I've been in the OP's position. My now-ex-wife wanted to spend, spend, spend like our Government! She wanted to eat out frequently; I bought groceries and said "we're eating at home!" Once she ordered a computer chair that we did not need - a $350 chair, after I had asked her not to! I came home one day, saw the package and blew a gasket! It was sent back immediately. Several times, I've sat down with her and tried to work out our financial plans, to no avail - she just didn't want to hear it. One year, we fell behind in the rent; we were served with an eviction notice. Her response: "When do we have to move?" instead of working things out with the landlord, who was open to working out a payment plan. Long story short, I took over all of the finances. No more eating out, no vacations, no shows....I'm getting this **** squared away. And I did. End result: she left. But her leaving put me in a better position financially.
My soon to be ex has been this way since day 1, the fool in me thought it would change, now 10+ years later we are getting a divorce and I'm giving her $500/month till I move out next month, she continues to order shoes, clothes and does shopping and then tells me $500/month isn't enough. Keep in mind she doesn't work, has not had a steady job in several years and I'm paying for everything 100% including food, housing, car, gas and etc. She cannot save a cent and is not concerned, reality check on the way.
I've been in the OP's position. My now-ex-wife wanted to spend, spend, spend like our Government! She wanted to eat out frequently; I bought groceries and said "we're eating at home!" Once she ordered a computer chair that we did not need - a $350 chair, after I had asked her not to! I came home one day, saw the package and blew a gasket! It was sent back immediately. Several times, I've sat down with her and tried to work out our financial plans, to no avail - she just didn't want to hear it. One year, we fell behind in the rent; we were served with an eviction notice. Her response: "When do we have to move?" instead of working things out with the landlord, who was open to working out a payment plan. Long story short, I took over all of the finances. No more eating out, no vacations, no shows....I'm getting this **** squared away. And I did. End result: she left. But her leaving put me in a better position financially.
Stay on top of your finances!
Sounds like she was compulsive about spending. Out of control. An illness. Good for you, for taking over. I wonder where she ended up, and whose money she's been spending since then.
My soon to be ex has been this way since day 1, the fool in me thought it would change, now 10+ years later we are getting a divorce and I'm giving her $500/month till I move out next month, she continues to order shoes, clothes and does shopping and then tells me $500/month isn't enough. Keep in mind she doesn't work, has not had a steady job in several years and I'm paying for everything 100% including food, housing, car, gas and etc. She cannot save a cent and is not concerned, reality check on the way.
Did you not know this about her when you were dating her, and during the engagement period? Did you get a rude surprise after the wedding, to find out she was in credit card debt up to her eyeballs? I'm just wondering how this sort of thing happens. I'm also wondering what parents enable this in their daughters. That irresponsible behavior had to start somewhere...
People come with issues. There is no perfect person in this world. However the difference is, does the person own up and make a change or do they continue? And it takes two people to mess up a couples finances. If you sit by and allow it happen, your just as wrong.
I am almost out of the huge pile of debt my ex left me with. About 15 years ago, my scholarship wouldn't cover my full tuition in university so I ended up taking out 4 credit cards to pay the rest with (hey, I was 22 and desperate) and I had been making the payments after graduation but then I got with my ex who was a spender, and all the while he couldn't seem to keep a job. I tried to take control of the finances and organized budgets and gave him an allowance but he always refused to cooperate and we just kept going more into debt. Because I was on maternity leave after having my first child, I was only getting 50% of my normal income and it wasn't enough to pay off my credit cards so I needed him to contribute. I had taken out a consolidation loan but then I couldn't make the payments because he'd keep taking the money I had reserved for payments and buying stupid stuff. Eventually, we were about $60,000 in debt. I sold my house (which was in my name) and managed to pay off about $40,000 with what I made off the sale. And then we split and I was left to pay off the other $20,000. Basically as soon as I was single, I was able to start getting the debt under control and I currently only have $2400 left to pay off. You and your wife need to get onto the same page regarding your finances and she needs to agree to follow a plan.
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We both make descent money, with what we make her in el paso, we could be living comfortably, but no............im in debt up to my elbows, part of it, is my fault, because i never really helped her w the bills. I would just give her my check and expect and trusted that she was paying all the bills. Too make a long story short, she has messed up my crdt really bad, i cant get a car without a cosigner, nobody will give me credit, and my credit is at an all time low. I came to find out she had gone months without paying our credit cards,and now were stuck in a rut, we owe everywhere, and i find myself working crazy overtime trying to get caught up. What should i do with this woman, i mean i love her to death, but shes messing up being so irresponsible. I even lost a good job [career], because they checked my credit and it sucked!!!! so they declined to give me a position. I know this is probably my fault too, but damm!!!!
