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Old 09-08-2008, 02:05 PM
 
62,467 posts, read 48,381,157 times
Reputation: 38678

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Tonythetigerman View Post
Ok, Granted the plans were set before I became her boyfriend. But, wouldnt you think he could afford to find a hotel room for the two nights? We decided to be exclusive just a week before he is to arrive. She hasnt told him about me yet but says they are just very good friends. They are going out to dinner and to see a theater act also. I wasnt invited to any of this nor was there plans to introduce me to her ex. She says they are friends and no romantic feelings exist between them.
QUESION? Am i expecting too much to be included in the dinner plans? or maybe be introduced? She thinks because this has my concern that maybe we shouldnt see each other. She has told me in the past before this that she felt blessed to find me and she sees a future with us... etc....
On the negative side:
1) She is claiming it's YOUR FAULT that you feel uncomfortable.
2) Why the heck would she not tell her "just good friend" about you? (Does she get money from him perhaps out of settlement or guilt?)
3) She is making you out to be the "bad guy" over this and is threatening you for not going along with her wishes. (Haven't heard her side so maybe you are over-reacting...hard to say)

Also, is her ex staying there alone with her or do you stay there too?

On the flip side, she DID make this commitment to him prior to your coming into the picture and it can be expensive and rather rude to yank the rug out from under him at the last minute.

Why they got a divorce would be interesting to hear.
-----------------------------------------------------------

Well, frankly I think you have a great opportunity here to gauge the woman before getting any more serious with her. If she is a manipulator and cheat give her enough rope to hang herself. Let her go out etc. and if you are left completely out of the picture (ie. He is there 2 days and doesn't even meet you or know you exist) then there is something funny there.

Show some confidence. You have nothing to lose here in that she either really likes you or you will find out she's basically a liar you are best to get far away from quickly.

If you come away from this distrusting her, if she keeps you away the whole time her ex is there....then a nice clean break up after he leaves would be in order. Maybe wait a week, mull it over, then a brief "I don't think it's working out." Don't yell, don't debate, don't elaborate and avoid the drama. Hopefully it won't come to this and I wish you all the best.

P.S. If you have a regular sex life and that dries up completely while the ex is around, probably not a good sign.
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Old 09-08-2008, 03:46 PM
 
Location: Jersey in da Citi!!
874 posts, read 3,520,390 times
Reputation: 473
Quote:
Originally Posted by mrstewart View Post
Pretty sketchy...think twice.
still can't spread my love around..thanks for the reps!!
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Old 09-08-2008, 04:01 PM
 
Location: Vero Beach, Fl
2,959 posts, read 12,730,524 times
Reputation: 2203
She gave you quite a line and I hope you didn't fall for that "we're just friends bit"? Sounds like the little lady wants her cake and eat it, too.
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Old 09-08-2008, 04:32 PM
 
Location: Beautiful New England
2,412 posts, read 6,792,479 times
Reputation: 3067
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tonythetigerman View Post
QUESION? Am i expecting too much to be included in the dinner plans? or maybe be introduced?
No, you're not. Their exclusion of you is very rude and insensitive, not to mention their date (and make no mistake about it, dinner and a show is a date) is highly suspicious.

Your girlfriend should have told her ex about you, changed the plans so that all three of you go to dinner (and entertainment), and she should suggest that he stay at a hotel. That she did none of these things is troubling (particularly the fact that she has not told him about you). I agree with others who suggest that you rethink your continuance with this woman.
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Old 09-09-2008, 08:39 AM
 
Location: Colmbus
24 posts, read 59,293 times
Reputation: 11
Quote:
Originally Posted by sms0511 View Post
This is a sticky situation. Granted, your GF can't just change the plan that the exhubby has made ONE WEEK prior to him arriving here from China.

BUT, what she should have done is this:

1. Get on the phone w/ exhubby and tell HIM that SHE has YOU as her new BF,
2. Invite YOU, the new BF, out to dinner and the theater along w/ her and the exhubby.
3. If the exhubby does not like the idea of going w/ you as her new BF, then SHE should cancel the dinner and theater plans.

Question (and this may help answer your question, TONY): Is your new GF Asian?
I agree with all of your solutions you outlined, and THANK YOU ALL that responded and for confirming that my feelings about this are warranted.......

I decided to break it off. I think it was disrespectful of her. or poor judgment ,,eighter way she has issues that will lead to trouble down the road... THANKS AGAIN EVERYONE !!!!!!!!
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Old 09-09-2008, 08:48 AM
 
Location: Colmbus
24 posts, read 59,293 times
Reputation: 11
Quote:
Originally Posted by sms0511 View Post
This is a sticky situation. Granted, your GF can't just change the plan that the exhubby has made ONE WEEK prior to him arriving here from China.

BUT, what she should have done is this:

1. Get on the phone w/ exhubby and tell HIM that SHE has YOU as her new BF,
2. Invite YOU, the new BF, out to dinner and the theater along w/ her and the exhubby.
3. If the exhubby does not like the idea of going w/ you as her new BF, then SHE should cancel the dinner and theater plans.

Question (and this may help answer your question, TONY): Is your new GF Asian?
OOOOOPSSS SORRY, I Forgot to answer SMS0511 question.... NO she is not asian, she is obviously the spoiled....**** up american type.....

ALso... a related note: I am disappointed to tell you I did find an Asian lady that lives in CHICAGO and she is on this site.. (actually i met her on this forum), and she turned out to be the typical spoiled americanized type, very touchy. The type you have to be so careful what you say or you will offend her greatly.. kinda like tip toeing thru the cucumber patch... if you step on a vine you killl the plant!! I Know this comment belongs in my other thread i started, but since you brought it up ... im all over it...
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Old 09-09-2008, 08:59 AM
 
1,072 posts, read 2,545,683 times
Reputation: 509
Well, just because a lady is of Asian blood, does not mean she acts like what you think an Asian lady would. Like all have been saying before, nowadays, RACE does not dictate personalities that much anymore.
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Old 09-09-2008, 09:58 AM
 
Location: Colmbus
24 posts, read 59,293 times
Reputation: 11
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mathguy View Post

Also, is her ex staying there alone with her or do you stay there too?


I was not living with her, she lives by herself.

The dude could have come and stayed with me.. I have an extra bedroom.


I broke it with her because she already showed me disrespect and thats enough for me.
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Old 09-09-2008, 11:37 AM
 
Location: Incognito
7,005 posts, read 19,851,693 times
Reputation: 5490
Joe Isuzu would say:

Sure, go ahead and let them go out together. It's only to dinner and the theather. Then they'll go home, and possibly reminisce about their past steamy relationship they once had. There's absolutely nothing wrong with that. Nothing is going to happen, TRUST ME!!
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Old 09-10-2008, 11:45 AM
 
62,467 posts, read 48,381,157 times
Reputation: 38678
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tonythetigerman View Post
I was not living with her, she lives by herself.

The dude could have come and stayed with me.. I have an extra bedroom.


I broke it with her because she already showed me disrespect and thats enough for me.
Hey, well wishing you all the best.

I wasn't going to say anything but since you broke it off...I think its pretty crappy that when one person has an issue with something in the relationship, that the other basically threatens them with a break-up. If she had said, "well, we just don't agree on this topic and you will have to do what you need to" then it would have been a different story. There is a BIG difference between threatening a breakup and risking that the other person will break up with you. I would probably have broken up with her too right around that point.
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