Wife's Father is terminal, will that improve their relationship? (husband, family, friends)

[Refugee56]

My wife and her father have always been distant. My wife has tried to improve things but so far nothing has worked. They see each other a few times a year and talk by phone once or twice but the conversation is formal and distant.

Now we find that her Father is dying of cancer and has a few months to live. There will be a big get together Wisconsin in a few weeks for the old man. Her sisters will come to visit him from all over the country.

In your experience, will terminal cancer improve or change the relationship? Of course you can not tell in this case because you do not know the people but maybe you have experienced something similar in the past. Your thoughts?

[jhlcomp]

When my father was diagnosed with terminal cancer, our strained relationship did not change. I wanted to visit but he absolutely forbad me from doing so. We continued to speak once a week by phone, albeit very brief.

When my mother passed away, I thought that maybe the relationship would change for the better, but it did not. In the last years of my father's life, he spoke more often with my husband than I. In short, do not expect any changes.

[coleslaw]

I had a similar relationship with my father for all of my adult life before he got sick. I tried everything I could do over the years to get closer, to no avail. He died four months after being sick. Nothing ever changed.

I didn't mourn my dad, but the loss of a relationship I never had. It took about a year for me to finally feel relief. No more strained, albeit infrequent, conversations, no more spending holidays with friends wishing I were with family, no more trying unsuccessfully to have a "normal" relationship, no more getting disappointed and hurt by this man. Not to sound too callous, but I'm actually glad he's dead now. Hurt like hell at the time, though.

[artsyguy]

no

[adgarr]

When my father was diagnosed with Alzheimer's, we mended our relationship right away. We made wonderful memories & became closer than ever. Anything is possible with God.

[purehuman]

I think it all depends on her father. If he wants to make amends and have a closer relationship with his family , he will, but it's really all up to him. I would think that dying in the near future would be a good incentive to repair any damaged feelings that familys hold, but it's certainly not a guarantee.