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I know im really trying to change, its just really hard, i guess i gotta go "against the grain" in my way of thinking, obviously my past ways havent worked right? Im going to do my best, i dont want to have a post later called, " my jealousy, broke up my marriage!"
Also, please note that your problem w/ separating the behaviors of your ex and your current wife may also stem from issues that started in childhood. So... the fact that your ex cheated on you may NOT be the ONLY reason why you're having a hard time "trusting your wife go alone". Please seek help immediately, before whatever it is that happened WAY before your ex came to your life destroys your current marriage.
Jealousy is the work of the DEVIL himself. It leads to insecurity and messes up a good thing you might already have. I am a VERY jealous individual myself I must say but I have learned that it's the DEVIL ****ing with my head and if my guy loves me then everything and everyone else is irrelevant!!!!!
Be happy and love who you love because the DEVIL will put negative thoughts and images in your head so you can be MISERABLE.
DONT EVER LET HIM WIN AND TAKE YOUR HAPPINESS FROM YOU!!!!!!!!
I use to be jealous when I was younger, boy, what a wasted emotion that is...
Of all the bf's I had, I was trying to imagine one of them saying to me "I will let you go out tonight." Ha, that probably wouldn't went over very well.
Anyhow, jealously has more to do with you that it does her. Low selfesteem, self loathing, insecurities. Or maybe even things less severve, IDK.
But, like the OP said, if someone is going to cheat, they will do it no matter what. There will always be a place, enuff time or a reason (if you trying to come up with one) to cheat. Never mind the horney, drunk guy's out there. Your wife has an obligation to you not them. A guy/girl will "have" a married person if they the married person gives themself. The key is to trust your wife. If it ever fell into your lap that she is/did cheat, it would have happened wheather you acted jealous or not, so mine as well keep the peace.
I would work on feeling good about yourself and as you two as a couple.
Just remember that jealousy is not about love. It's about control.
And no matter how jealous you get, you aren't going to be able to stop someone from cheating on you if they really want to.
You read my mind.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Granny Sue
Ok...you LET her go out with her friends?
Did the government plant a bug in my brain? Another mind reader.
Quote:
Originally Posted by LEVOW
ok kalis grandma, take it eazy, im trying here, but i also dont believe in her being out w her friends once a week, i dont want it to become a habit either, i mean she goes to nightclubs and bars and stuff,its not like shes going to church here!
I dunno, I can somewhat understand how someone would think this is problematic, but it really depends on the indivisual. However, this sounds more like it's about control.
She is entitled to see her friends once a week, if it happens to be at a club or happy hour, so be it. Sounds like you're both still pretty young. You got married, not buried. Marriage is not a license to dictate another's life, like a child.
I have to ask, did you tell her about your "beliefs" before you were married? Did she just start going out with her friends after you were married? Did you guys discuss any of this at all?
Quote:
Originally Posted by sierraAZ
The "let her go" part was commented on already... The other one in bold is an oxymoron – you’re essentially ruining her outing before she’s even out of the door.
Oh yes, there's the guilt tripper (I don't want you to go, I want you to spend time with me. Go have fun...I guess. ) and the party pooper (Behave, don't be hooking up with any guys. I'm not happy with this but that doesn't seem to matter. Go have fun....I guess. )
Buzz kill.
To the OP, you really should consider counseling. This is really not fair to your wife. And "trying" isn't going to cut it down the road. If she has any semblance of self respect, I promise you, she WILL leave.
You've received good advice here, some of it is harsh, but it is true.
I am the jealous type. But I think that it wasn't about trying to control him at all. It was more about not trusting him. If he hadn't cheated on a previous girlfriend I wouldn't of been jealous.
When he cheated on me, I didn't see it coming because I was desperately trying to trust him and show that I shouldn't behave the way I was. Fortunately I didn't find out till we broke up. It was much easier to accept and move on.
If you are jealous (like me) then better off being single.
It absolutely boils my blood to have me spend my precious valued time and energy on a female (expecting to get exclusive mating rights with her) and then have her run off an elope with another man. Not on my watch.
Now I spend little time and effort getting sex so I don't really care if she is banging some other dude on the side or what not. Works for me.
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Jealousy
The other one in bold is an oxymoron – you’re essentially ruining her outing before she’s even out of the door.
) and the party pooper (Behave, don't be hooking up with any guys. I'm not happy with this but that doesn't seem to matter. Go have fun....I guess. 
