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Actually, I asked my wife to marry me FIRST, then we decided to live together for a year to see how things went. AND, I bought her engagement ring/wedding set two months after I asked her to marry me and she put the engagement ring on right away. We were getting along so, so good that we started making wedding plans two months after she put the ring on. AND, on top of that, we got married exactly one year from the day I asked her to marry me. We love each other that much and were that compatable!!! We do believe in living together before getting married, just don't make a CAREER out of it. There are just to many men AND women that keep "putting off" their partner when it comes to marriage. Even if the girl does get an engagement ring, there are men out there that just keep giving one excuse after another to put off making the marital committment. Some women just keep "hanging in there and hoping", while others give an ultimanium...."either we are going to get married or I'm gone. You have (days) to make a decision".
Now, for myself, I like it when a woman "takes control" like that!!! My wife didn't have to because I didn't make her.
I think there's something to be said for why buy the cow when the milk is free....
But, it is a moral dilemma as well as a financial dilemma in many ways. I'm afraid to get married. I only asked once and I was rejected (which I now appreciate and am thankful for!). In the meantime, I have a lot more to lose if I were to get married and my marriage broke up. I'm hesitant to risk what I've built when I know that you can believe 100% that the person you love loves you back and will go through trials and tribulations for you as you would her. But then so many turn out to be fair-weather spouses and jet off looking for a better life because:...
-I'm bored with you
-There's no excitement
-You leave the toilet seat up
-You never do the laundry
-I've just lost interest
Also, when you marry someone, you marry their issues, like credit card debt. I wouldn't marry someone with $25,000 or more in debt. That's a huge red flag for worse to come, only bankrupting me too if I were to legally bind myself to her. No way. I have worked my ass off to be debt free and own my home free and clear. I can't respect someone who can't control her spending.
Then there's the issue of durability.
Let's say it all seems to fit beautifully. Compatibility seems terrific, outlooks on debt and money are similar and conservative, values seem to converge...you get married, but then the small irritations reveal themselves and isn't it too easy to chuck marriage nowadays? And look around and listen to how quickly people are willing to give up and call it quits. There is no real commitment, nor any societal pressure to adhere to real commitment. Why bother?
I don't trust it much.
I might if the woman were much wealthier and relaxed about life, also more mature and has a history of life experience, around 40+ or more. I know that I'm not after their material possessions and I know I'm trustworthy and committed when I make a commitment. But I don't trust younger women at all. They don't know what they want yet. Ever watch The Real Housewives of Orange County where that 24 or 25 year old woman named Jo was engaged to Slade? Slade is a jerk, self impressed, arrogant beyond belief, and completely materialistic. But Jo is a spoiled useless talentless brat who states she deserves the best of everything and allows Slade to buy her expensive jewelry, an expensive car, pay her expenses, etc. and she's extremely immature, selfish, cruising other men (and boys), only interested in partying, and needs to be kicked to the curb. They live together and you know they are completely incompatible and it's like watching a train wreck. But Slade, the arrogant smug bean head that he is, is risking a lot of $ trying to get someone who doesn't really love him to marry him. I call it "Schtoopid"!!!!!
I'd think compatibility would be tested if one lived with a prospective spouse first, but it's immoral.
What to do...what to do....
I know!
Stay single!
I do feel joy however when I see couples who truly love one another and are genuinely "married". I know my mom for example puts up with a lot of things she doesn't enjoy. And I think sometimes she gets the short end of the stick, but even for his faults, my stepdad loves my mother more than he can say. I know he does. She knows he does, and she looks ahead and does her best to jump over the things that annoy her. I know she loves him too. He's darn lucky to have met and found her!
My next door neighbor is another who found the right woman. They were boyfriend and girlfriend back in the late fifties and early sixties and both went their own ways, married other people, had families, got divorced and then found each other by chance when he was trucking and goofing off on a CB radio. He was talking to a woman at a dispatch office and mentioned the name of the woman he had loved, turned out the girl he was talking to knew her! They got in contact. 11 years ago they got married. It's a real love match.
There are successes I know.
Times may have changed - but God's word remains the same. Sex outside of marriage is a sin. There is a consequence for every action. You are right to not only want a ring - but a marriage before you live togather.
I am 40 years old. My first marriage - I did not live with him before the wedding - and things were wonderful to discover together. In the end - it did not work out for several reasons - the main one being I was 17 when I married and I grew up. There was adultery on his part - but we were just too young.
I did live with my second (current) husband. I have regretted it since. I have heard many say that living with a person is the only way to know them truly - bad habits and all. That is not true. You do not need to live with a person to find out if you are compatable. Those things are learned though spending time together, heart to heart talks - and keeping Christ in the center of your relationship - without Christ - nothing works.
The situation I am in now has nothing to do with living together before we married. It has to do with things I learned about him before marriage (not necessary to see with living together), but chose to ignore. Trust your gut feeling - that is God whispering in your ear.
There are consequences.
It matters not what the world says, it matters not what 'religion' you are. What matters is the word of God - sex out of marriage is sin. If you can live with this person in the same house and be celibate - there is no sin in that. However, it places temptation where it need not be.
Pull out your Bible and read the words Paul wrote about marriage. These are words inspired by God to teach us how to live. Iy is the only guidebook we have.
Sex is a gift from God to a married couple. The physical part will be there waiting. You need to know the persons heart, mind and spirit. You do not have to live with them to discover that.
Study the New Testament - read Genesis and what God created. You will have your answer.
It's hardly rash. In fact, it's culturally and historically the norm. Perhaps it doesn't fit your values. But immoral it remains.
Perhaps it's the norm in the Bible Belt culture. However, not all of us follow the same standards. I'm not asking anyone to change their values, I just don't agree with anybody insulting the beliefs of others just because they are different from their own.
I am Christian and do not presume to dispute God's Word.
Very broad interpretations of the Word of God are sometimes needed.
For whatever reasons I have found it necessary to expand my beliefs to become very inclusive. I counseled with those I trust who have studied the Bible thoroughly and that is why I believe as I do.
I can think of several families/couples that have had to be quite flexible--one or both partners in the military.
I think my parents generation might have been similarly affected during WW2.
I wouldn't ever get married to someone without living with them first. I'm also not interested really ever in getting married, so I guess it's a moot point .
my girlfriend and her son are moving in with me in July. I have no problem with it. I do how ever have a problem with my 16 year old niece living with her boyfriend.
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your bride is lucky
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