Issues with my marriage (wife, woman, husband, young)
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i'm having some issues with my marriage right now. It's really all financial. I make about $51,000 per year as a Marketing Coordinator. I have a batchelors degree and feel that i'm totally under paid. I'm 35 and he's 39. We've been together since we were in high school and have 2 children together. He's a line chef at an upscale social club and right now he's making only $15/hour. He's not getting a lot of hours and I feel I'm carrying the bulk of the responsibilities at home. He gets frustrated because he said i don't make him feel "man" enough. It's really putting a strain on our relationship. I'm starting to feel completely overwhelmed with the bills and everything else. Not to mention our children are in high school.
He's working for a non-profit agency, so he doesn't get over-time. We're renting a two bedroom apartment and trying to save money to buy a house, but it's starting to get harder and harder to save. The rent is $975/month with heat and hot water included. We're financing two cars right now, a honda accord and a ford windstar ($350 & $320/month for each), insurance for both cars is about $200/month. I have a year and a half left on my loan and he's just started his. Then there's insurance for the family that i'm paying for ($265/pay check), lights - $60 - $100/month, groceries - $400/month, gas (for me anyway) - $50 - $60/week, credit card bills are down to $150/month, phone/cable/internet - $160/month.
I have no money left and i'm dipping into my savings left and right. I just had to pay $500 to fix my van and i just don't know what to do right now. I told him he needed to find another job, but he said that I need to help him. How hard can that be? I applied for a waitressing job and start next Tuesday. I'm tired of waiting around thinking that money's just going to appear from somewhere.
Hi, your post made me sad. First off, and I know this is nit picky but it's just been driving me nuts. Spelling, please. You have a Bachelors degree. Not a batchelors. I'm 35 and I have an undergrad. degree and I make what you make. It's a good wage. I do at times feel underpaid but then when I look around I realize I have a very cushy job that many would kill to have.
Next, I make more than my DH but not much. I think it bugs him too. It's a guy thing.
Your rent seems perfectly reasonable to me but maybe that's because I'm in Colo.
and you are on the east coast. I do understand the money crunch though. What really stood out to me was your costs in cars. That's ridiculous. It seems as though that is the bulk of your money (except for rent). The other things, ins. and such are required. But driving two new cars is so not required. For example, I drive a Hyundai. They cost half as much as Hondas. I paid mine off quickly, it was $5K. How much was your car? What is your interest? Those are things that I think really get people into trouble. If he just bought a new car, for god's sake, take it back. Or sell it now. Look into carpooling or public transportation.
I have to add though that we had our children when we were very young - i was 19. He supported me so I can go to school and did make a lot of sacrifices for our family so that I can work and go to school at night. I just feel like he's got not motivation to move forward in his life. when i was finished with school, i told him i'd support him in whatever he wanted to do - for our family.
I agree with Wanttomoveeast - you need to get rid of those car payments. As long as you both have reliable vehicles that get you from Point A to Point B, it doesn't matter if they are used and paid for. You guys could be banking that money for the purchase of a home in the future.
I think you both need to work together to make it through. I know that going through financial troubles will bring about a lot of stress and fighting. I agree, you need to get rid of one of your cars. You can't have two car payments. Take it back as a voluntary repo. Since you are almost paid off on your loan, I would put anything extra into the principal of that loan. If your children are in high school and can get a part time job to help out that would be a good idea too. I would take your next income tax check and go buy a cheap but reliable car. It can be done. I recently bought a car for $1500 and it runs good. I also out earn my husband, always have, but that is just something we have to live with. Why are you getting the second job?? He should be the one doing that not you.
Have you thought about doing maybe some direct sales, like Tupperware or Avon?
I know I have done that in the past and made some pretty good money with not a lot of work. Those two companies have low start ups. I put myself through college doing direct sales.
Just a thought.
That's something I thought of too. If he's not pulling hours, it would seem he should be the one to get a 2nd job, especially if he's not feeling "manly".
i'm having some issues with my marriage right now. It's really all financial. I make about $51,000 per year as a Marketing Coordinator. I have a batchelors degree and feel that i'm totally under paid. I'm 35 and he's 39. We've been together since we were in high school and have 2 children together. He's a line chef at an upscale social club and right now he's making only $15/hour. He's not getting a lot of hours and I feel I'm carrying the bulk of the responsibilities at home. He gets frustrated because he said i don't make him feel "man" enough. It's really putting a strain on our relationship. I'm starting to feel completely overwhelmed with the bills and everything else. Not to mention our children are in high school.
He's working for a non-profit agency, so he doesn't get over-time. We're renting a two bedroom apartment and trying to save money to buy a house, but it's starting to get harder and harder to save. The rent is $975/month with heat and hot water included. We're financing two cars right now, a honda accord and a ford windstar ($350 & $320/month for each), insurance for both cars is about $200/month. I have a year and a half left on my loan and he's just started his. Then there's insurance for the family that i'm paying for ($265/pay check), lights - $60 - $100/month, groceries - $400/month, gas (for me anyway) - $50 - $60/week, credit card bills are down to $150/month, phone/cable/internet - $160/month.
I have no money left and i'm dipping into my savings left and right. I just had to pay $500 to fix my van and i just don't know what to do right now. I told him he needed to find another job, but he said that I need to help him. How hard can that be? I applied for a waitressing job and start next Tuesday. I'm tired of waiting around thinking that money's just going to appear from somewhere.
Your husband is being selfish, because of the two statements I bolded above. He said that he doesn't feel "man" enough in your marriage/ in the household. So ok, the solution to that is for HIM TO GET A JOB THAT PAYS MUCH BETTER. Be the breadwinner, once again.
Then, he turned around and said that YOU need to help HIM? Sorry, but he's being contradictory. If he wants YOU to help out financially, then he would have to sacrifice "being man enough" around the house. He can't have it both, but I'm sure that's what more men are dreaming of these days: to have a woman that brings home more $$$ (so that he does NOT have to pay much of his own paycheck), and at the same time, he wants to be the man of the house "by not helping out as much in the house".
I sort of agree with sms. I agree but for different reasons. Your husband is wrong in saying that it's you that doesn't make him feel man enough. That's a personal problem. It's not up to you to make him a man.
And I read the job thing differently than sms: What I read was that the husband wants her to help him find work, which I just find ludicrous. What, you aren't capable of finding your own job? Is your wifey supposed to go and fill out apps for you??? WTF?
Hi, your post made me sad. First off, and I know this is nit picky but it's just been driving me nuts. Spelling, please. You have a Bachelors degree. Not a batchelors. I'm 35 and I have an undergrad. degree and I make what you make. It's a good wage. I do at times feel underpaid but then when I look around I realize I have a very cushy job that many would kill to have.
Next, I make more than my DH but not much. I think it bugs him too. It's a guy thing.
Your rent seems perfectly reasonable to me but maybe that's because I'm in Colo.
and you are on the east coast. I do understand the money crunch though. What really stood out to me was your costs in cars. That's ridiculous. It seems as though that is the bulk of your money (except for rent). The other things, ins. and such are required. But driving two new cars is so not required. For example, I drive a Hyundai. They cost half as much as Hondas. I paid mine off quickly, it was $5K. How much was your car? What is your interest? Those are things that I think really get people into trouble. If he just bought a new car, for god's sake, take it back. Or sell it now. Look into carpooling or public transportation.
Just my 2 cents.
I'm having a hard enough time putting sentences together, let alone typing quickly. I don't have time to go back and re-check my spelling and punctuation. I hate when people do that to posters on here. I feel this is a board to express my opinions, not an English class. I type what's on my mind and really don't care to worry about how my sentence structure or spelling is.
I drive a 2005 Ford Windstar that I purchased last summer. I took out a 3 year loan to pay it off quickly (not sure of my interest, but I do have decent credit). I pay $320/month for it and put no money down. That seems to be the norm in car payments around here. My last car was a 97 Pontiac Sunfire (bought new) that basically died. He, on the other hand came home last month with a brand new Honda Accord. I wasn't happy, but there's not much I can do about it at this point.
I have a half hour commute to work and public transportation around here is terrible. Also, my job requires me to leave and go on appointments, so there's no real logical answer for that.
We do have decent rent, and i'm lucky because the cost of living around here is one of the highest in the nation.
As far as groceries. I pinch every penny I can. I do a lot of cooking at home and shop at one of those BYOB (bring your own bag stores).
The only thing he's really paying right now is his car and his insurance. I'm really starting to consider a separation. I'm just not happy. We used to go out to dinner once a week and do things together as a family, but we just don't do them anymore.
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