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Old 09-19-2008, 09:56 PM
 
14,743 posts, read 31,204,051 times
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What? A thread that doesn't deal with interracial dating and defining behavior that's appropriate for the genders.

Call me on it if I've started this thread before! This year was tough for me in this regard. I gave the "heave-ho" to 2 very long-term friends.

In the spring, I parted ways with my first friend from childhood, which I had made in California after relocating back West with my parents...this was in parochial grade school. I was his "best man" the first time he got married. I went off to college, work, grad school, moved and he didn't "move forward" much. We remained friends over the years, but he was always competing with me and we didn't have much in common anyway. Around Easter, I got in a big argument with him and that was the last time we spoke.

In the summer, I parted ways with a lady in my line of work that I've been friends with for a dozen years. As her marriage spirals out of control with her shut-down unemotive loser of a husband, her trespasses of normal boundaries with me (not sexual in nature) were also increasing in frequency. I told her what I thought of her, her behavior, and the way we related and never heard from her again. It was deliberate. Good riddance.

I've also kept a handful of childhood, college and working-life friends. They have grown over the years, so we grew together and not apart.

Have you had to shed long-term friends (platonic ones) for your own well- being?
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Old 09-19-2008, 11:44 PM
 
25,161 posts, read 51,121,502 times
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Yes and I did feel sad when my childhood friend and I grew apart as young adults. Her personality could be so wonderful and very entertaining; however, her drug use, dropping out of school, and other problems made me feel really uncomfortable around her.
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Old 09-20-2008, 06:02 AM
 
Location: a primitive state
10,769 posts, read 22,304,834 times
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Yes, it's happened a number of times. Usually friendships die of natural causes, especially when you no longer have the same interests. Most of the time it's gradual.

I've rarely cut ties in an overt fashion. Those moves always lead to social awkwardness down the road. Even if you don't want to be associated with a person as much as you once were, if you can gain some distance, then you can still be friendly when you cross paths.
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Old 09-20-2008, 07:06 AM
 
Location: from houstoner to bostoner to new yorker to new jerseyite ;)
4,084 posts, read 12,015,063 times
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Yes, I have done so in the past and I think I'm about to have to do so again. I have a friend I have known for ten years. We've been through a lot together over the years. However, if I had to admit it, our friendship is pretty one-sided. I listen to her and her relationship problems, try to help her, but then she goes and does what she wants to do anyway. Which is fine, but I get tired of hearing about it and very tired of watching her make the same mistakes over and over again. The thing is, she has terrible taste in men. With the last loser she's dated on and off for the last four years, we sort of stopped talking regularly because she put all her energy into him and she knew I disapproved of him. The truth came out two years ago that he was a cheater, but she decided to stay with him, even going so far as to start taking anti-depressants and going to therapy to work out why he cheated on her (???!!!). Well, it came out again recently and she believes it this time, but again still chooses to be with him. It's sad because she has a lot going for her, other than that. If she took all the energy she puts into her poor choices in men into hobbies or something positive in her life, she would be happier, but I guess she doesn't see things that way. I think she just likes the drama. Plus, a few years ago, early in our friendship, I caught her in a lie before about something that wasn't that serious, but it did color the way I looked at her from that point on. Last week she revealed something else kind of shocking and I don't feel I can trust her anymore. It saddens me that I will have to part ways with her, but it looks like I will have to. What sustained our friendship in the early years isn't enough now. It's obvious to me we have simply grown apart in our interests and have different values and priorities. But like I said, we have known each other for so long it is difficult to just cut ties...
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Old 09-20-2008, 07:35 AM
 
Location: Maryland
1,667 posts, read 8,936,763 times
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Pretty much the way I feel about my friends. My wife and I were talking one night, "Do you really like your friends?" The answer was, "Not really". We eliminated most easily, we just quit stocking the liquor cabinet. Hadn't been aware previously, but when they came in they went straight for the fridge. After a couple of weeks, most went elsewhere. The rest just faded away. Sort of liberating, actually.
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Old 09-20-2008, 07:37 AM
 
Location: NJ
18,670 posts, read 26,753,007 times
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Of course you clean house. I've done it a number of times. You get to a certain age where you realize these people do nothing for you. While I'm sure if you asked some of them, they'd say it was me but 9 times out of 10 I was already done which led me to act the way I did when "they" decided to dump me. lol

I had one friend since I was a teen. We went through all sorts of stuff together, one of us would move then we'd see each other again, then another move and it would be no contact or just cards, few phone calls. Eventually this person couldn't stop drinking, was doing drugs and blamed me for their problems. I wrote them a nasty email back and decided not to send it. I decided I wasn't giving her the satisfaction of a reply. Haven't seen her in close to 10 years.

Other people I knew, we didn't think the same politically or religion and for some people they can't be friends with someone that differs. There was one lady, I used to tell her I don't do politics but she talked it anyway. The one day I finally spoke up about how I feel, I never heard from her again. This is after speaking on the phone for a few years.
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Old 09-20-2008, 11:02 PM
 
Location: TwilightZone
5,296 posts, read 5,803,058 times
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Not intentionally,things just worked out that way.
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Old 09-21-2008, 12:16 AM
 
Location: El Paso, TX
2,806 posts, read 7,089,715 times
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Sadly, it happens...a number of people I thought were my friends turned out to be nothing more than party buddies, which I found out when I quit drinking. We no longer had the same interests, and it was definitely NOT fun to see them getting wasted all the time, talking nonsense, and creating unnecessary drama! I also stopped picking up the phone for a childhood friend who had lied to me about so many different things I didn't know from one day to the next what was real and what was fantasy!!! The last straw was when she told me she was having an affair with a doctor she was working for whose wife was pregnant, (she herself is and was at the time married to a very nice man and has 3 kids with him!) Whether it was true or not, it was something I disagreed with so completely, I lost too much respect for her as a person and as a woman to continue the friendship.

Either we grow or we choose to remain stagnant...part of this process, I believe, is letting go of the old to make way for the new. Whatever you surround yourself with is what you will resonate with, and what you resonate with is what you will attract into your life...like attracts like. Keep the negative vibes at bay by distancing yourself from those who emit them!!!
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Old 09-21-2008, 12:37 AM
 
14,743 posts, read 31,204,051 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by luvmycat View Post
The last straw was when she told me she was having an affair with a doctor she was working for whose wife was pregnant, (she herself is and was at the time married to a very nice man and has 3 kids with him!)
I have heard the "affair with the doctor" story a handful of times. Wow.
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Old 09-21-2008, 11:26 AM
 
Location: El Paso, TX
2,806 posts, read 7,089,715 times
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I know...some people just don't care who they hurt along the way!
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