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I wasn't sure whether to put this here or on the Finance forum, but here goes. Those of you who have/do live with a SO but aren't married, how do you split the bills? I will be moving into my boyfriend's house in a few months, I rent a townhouse and he owns his own home so that makes sense. He told me to just give him X amount at the first of each month to go toward everything, and he will just continue to pay all the bills. I am OK with that, but it is very close to 50% of the total cost of mortgage and utilities. Now, I have NO problem paying my share, BUT the fact that he owns the house and I don't means I have no legal claim to anything either. We are not planning on marriage (both in our 40's and divorced single parents) but do plan on a long term relationship. He also makes about 30% more than I do, granted he pays child support and with what I get in support makes our incomes closer to equal.
The other issue is, he is already spending that amount per month regardless, so the entire amount I give him will be the amount he saves every month. I will not be saving nearly that amount, maybe $200-$300. Of course his place is bigger therefore more expensive and utilities cost more as well, but I'm just having a bit of an issue with his costs going down so much with me moving in, but mine just going down a very little bit.
I know this is mostly a money issue, but I don't want it to cause problems in our relationship, I want to work out the details BEFORE we make the move. So wise, CD peeps, how would you handle this?
I wasn't sure whether to put this here or on the Finance forum, but here goes. Those of you who have/do live with a SO but aren't married, how do you split the bills? I will be moving into my boyfriend's house in a few months, I rent a townhouse and he owns his own home so that makes sense. He told me to just give him X amount at the first of each month to go toward everything, and he will just continue to pay all the bills. I am OK with that, but it is very close to 50% of the total cost of mortgage and utilities. Now, I have NO problem paying my share, BUT the fact that he owns the house and I don't means I have no legal claim to anything either. We are not planning on marriage (both in our 40's and divorced single parents) but do plan on a long term relationship. He also makes about 30% more than I do, granted he pays child support and with what I get in support makes our incomes closer to equal.
The other issue is, he is already spending that amount per month regardless, so the entire amount I give him will be the amount he saves every month. I will not be saving nearly that amount, maybe $200-$300. Of course his place is bigger therefore more expensive and utilities cost more as well, but I'm just having a bit of an issue with his costs going down so much with me moving in, but mine just going down a very little bit.
I know this is mostly a money issue, but I don't want it to cause problems in our relationship, I want to work out the details BEFORE we make the move. So wise, CD peeps, how would you handle this?
It's definitely a relationship issue, though, since "dealing with money" is one of the primary reasons for breaking up. How to split the bills is really one of the biggest decisions you'll make. Will you have separate accounts? Who will do the food shopping? Who pays when you go out? How will you keep track of all that?
At the very least, the two of you need a written contract for what basically is your rent. It sounds like you actually have a lot of concerns about this plan, and there is much to work out. You'll need to figure out how to budget as well, since you may currently have different approaches.
I have one 14 year old daughter who will be living with us, so I know utilities will go up with 2 extra people. His son (15) is there every other weekend and one day a week.
I got royally screwed in my divorce a few years ago so I'm just being overly cautious because I don't want to get into another messy situation. I think having a written agreement would be great, as unromantic as that sounds, but those of us who have been around the block a few times know that living with someone isn't all sunshine and rainbows.
My husband and I lived together for six years before getting married. For the first 5 years, we kept separate accounts and split everything 50/50 - no matter the disparity in incomes. The last year of us living together and now 10 years into our marriage, everything was combined and we have joint accounts.
My husband and I lived together for six years before getting married. For the first 5 years, we kept separate accounts and split everything 50/50 - no matter the disparity in incomes. The last year of us living together and now 10 years into our marriage, everything was combined and we have joint accounts.
Did you have any issues during those 5 years? Did you split each bill 50/50 as it came in or did one of you pay the other a set amount each month that equaled 50%?
Each couple should work out whatever works best for them. When we first got together we had separate accounts and split everything down the middle. As the time went on I ended up making a lot more money and sorta ended up taking a bit more of the financial load. Today we have separate accounts but are on each others accounts and they are linked together We do all of our banking online for the most part. Rarely ever need to go inside an actual bank. With direct deposit and online access it makes things convenient. So again, whatever works for people.
Last edited by Chowhound; 12-20-2016 at 02:46 PM..
My husband and I have been together 18 years, 10 of which we have been married. We first lived in an apartment, then in a townhouse he bought (not married yet), and now live in a house that I bought.
We have always had separate accounts. We have always, generally, split the household bills (rent, mortgages (still own both houses), utilities, food) equally. Individual bills (cars, credit cards, etc) have always been paid individually.
We've never had a fight about money.
Quote:
Originally Posted by andie1969
He told me to just give him X amount at the first of each month to go toward everything, and he will just continue to pay all the bills. I am OK with that, but it is very close to 50% of the total cost of mortgage and utilities. Now, I have NO problem paying my share, BUT the fact that he owns the house and I don't means I have no legal claim to anything either.
So, by this logic, do you think you should only pay the difference in utilities? You are looking at this from a relationship view, yet you are trying to solve the breakdown from a roommate view. The amount you should pay is the market rate for the space you will occupy. Are you taking up two rooms? What would two rooms in a shared house cost in your area? That is the correct amount. Just because he has equity and would "be paying it anyway" doesn't mean you should be entitled to something below market. The difference in salaries is also irrelevant.
If you want to treat this more like a relationship (where differences in salaries; long term equity is valued), then you need to get married.
Thanks for the input, but I was asking for examples, do you have any experiences to share?
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