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Hello, and thanks to everyone in advance for reading this and responding. I have not written anything about this, or spelled the entire thing out for anyone since it happened, and am hoping me doing so will be a "release" and help in the healing process.
Last month, my ex-girlfriend moved out of our house after a 6-year run. We were having issues before this, but were locked in a lease until then- it was back in April when she told me that she "loved me, but was not in love with me anymore". Coincidentally, she then started seeing someone else, which she denies to this day... even though she admits that they are NOW together. She says that I waited too long to ask her to marry me- even though at the end she said she is glad I didn't ask because she wasn't ready. She also said she knows that I supported her when no one else did, and that she won't find that again. But doesn't want to talk to or see me for a long time. Confused yet?
She never had a father in her life. Her mom was very independent, and is unable to commit to any man. Obviously, this may have played a part in our failed relationship.
We were once in deep love. She followed me several states away to a place she didn't want to go to when I got transferred at my job. I supported her when she got fired from a job. We did these things because we cared. Now it is quite the opposite. She went from "The One" to "The One Who Ripped Me Apart!!". This is now reality.
However... even though I saw the writing on the wall 6 months ago, I never really started dealing with it until she moved, and I came home to an empty house. For the first few weeks I was fine, having fun and going on my daily activities like nothing was wrong.
Then, one morning, I woke up and found that I didn't care to do anything. Didn't want to eat, go out, or anything at all. I had suddenly realized that there was a big void in my life, that can't be filled. She wasn't going to come back.
This was 3 weeks ago, and I have remained in this state since then. I now make myself go out with friends, and see my family, and watch sports... the typical stuff. But I simply do not care about whatever I'm seeing. My mind is preoccupied. Because of this (partly), I took a leave of absence from work. I wasn't focusing at work, and it was suffering. So I had to go. I also wanted to have some time for fun (even though nothing is fun right now).
I am not sure where I am headed, or how long this recovery will take. I just wanted to throw out my story, and hear the insights of you all (I have read other posts... very good).One more thing I should probably mention... I have OCD, which makes recovery a bit harder!
Hello, and thanks to everyone in advance for reading this and responding. I have not written anything about this, or spelled the entire thing out for anyone since it happened, and am hoping me doing so will be a "release" and help in the healing process.
Last month, my ex-girlfriend moved out of our house after a 6-year run. We were having issues before this, but were locked in a lease until then- it was back in April when she told me that she "loved me, but was not in love with me anymore". Coincidentally, she then started seeing someone else, which she denies to this day... even though she admits that they are NOW together. She says that I waited too long to ask her to marry me- even though at the end she said she is glad I didn't ask because she wasn't ready. She also said she knows that I supported her when no one else did, and that she won't find that again. But doesn't want to talk to or see me for a long time. Confused yet?
She never had a father in her life. Her mom was very independent, and is unable to commit to any man. Obviously, this may have played a part in our failed relationship.
We were once in deep love. She followed me several states away to a place she didn't want to go to when I got transferred at my job. I supported her when she got fired from a job. We did these things because we cared. Now it is quite the opposite. She went from "The One" to "The One Who Ripped Me Apart!!". This is now reality.
However... even though I saw the writing on the wall 6 months ago, I never really started dealing with it until she moved, and I came home to an empty house. For the first few weeks I was fine, having fun and going on my daily activities like nothing was wrong.
Then, one morning, I woke up and found that I didn't care to do anything. Didn't want to eat, go out, or anything at all. I had suddenly realized that there was a big void in my life, that can't be filled. She wasn't going to come back.
This was 3 weeks ago, and I have remained in this state since then. I now make myself go out with friends, and see my family, and watch sports... the typical stuff. But I simply do not care about whatever I'm seeing. My mind is preoccupied. Because of this (partly), I took a leave of absence from work. I wasn't focusing at work, and it was suffering. So I had to go. I also wanted to have some time for fun (even though nothing is fun right now).
I am not sure where I am headed, or how long this recovery will take. I just wanted to throw out my story, and hear the insights of you all (I have read other posts... very good).One more thing I should probably mention... I have OCD, which makes recovery a bit harder!
Thanks for listening.
-DJ
I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. One thing I learned a long time ago is that if things aren't meant to be, they won't be.
Relationships breaking up can be very painful whether is gf/bf, job, friends, etc. But almost always, we reach a point down the road where we realize it was for the best. And in fact, sometimes we realize later just how much better off we are because it broke up!
The universe has a good way of kicking us in the arse when our lives become stuck. Sometimes it's very painful. But after you are out of that rut, life can seem remarkably better.
I'm sure that you'll find this is the case with you too. The pain doesn't last forever.
Hello, and thanks to everyone in advance for reading this and responding. I have not written anything about this, or spelled the entire thing out for anyone since it happened, and am hoping me doing so will be a "release" and help in the healing process.
Last month, my ex-girlfriend moved out of our house after a 6-year run. We were having issues before this, but were locked in a lease until then- it was back in April when she told me that she "loved me, but was not in love with me anymore". Coincidentally, she then started seeing someone else, which she denies to this day... even though she admits that they are NOW together. She says that I waited too long to ask her to marry me- even though at the end she said she is glad I didn't ask because she wasn't ready. She also said she knows that I supported her when no one else did, and that she won't find that again. But doesn't want to talk to or see me for a long time. Confused yet?
She never had a father in her life. Her mom was very independent, and is unable to commit to any man. Obviously, this may have played a part in our failed relationship.
We were once in deep love. She followed me several states away to a place she didn't want to go to when I got transferred at my job. I supported her when she got fired from a job. We did these things because we cared. Now it is quite the opposite. She went from "The One" to "The One Who Ripped Me Apart!!". This is now reality.
However... even though I saw the writing on the wall 6 months ago, I never really started dealing with it until she moved, and I came home to an empty house. For the first few weeks I was fine, having fun and going on my daily activities like nothing was wrong.
Then, one morning, I woke up and found that I didn't care to do anything. Didn't want to eat, go out, or anything at all. I had suddenly realized that there was a big void in my life, that can't be filled. She wasn't going to come back.
This was 3 weeks ago, and I have remained in this state since then. I now make myself go out with friends, and see my family, and watch sports... the typical stuff. But I simply do not care about whatever I'm seeing. My mind is preoccupied. Because of this (partly), I took a leave of absence from work. I wasn't focusing at work, and it was suffering. So I had to go. I also wanted to have some time for fun (even though nothing is fun right now).
I am not sure where I am headed, or how long this recovery will take. I just wanted to throw out my story, and hear the insights of you all (I have read other posts... very good).One more thing I should probably mention... I have OCD, which makes recovery a bit harder!
Thanks for listening.
-DJ
Thank you for sharing your story with us, I know it's not always the easiest thing to do.
I am very sorry to hear of this. When I was hurting from my first real love, I was miserable. Depressed and miserable. And made everyone else miserable. I cried nonstop, never ate, developed sleeping issues (or lack there of), burned food because I forgot I was cooking (something that is rare for me), and imagined every morning that the ex was in bed next to me. Opening my eyes was a struggle. Every single day. And man did it suck. But...I did the same things that you are doing- forced myself to get out and about, enjoy life, made sure I ate plenty of chocolate and did something out in the sun (with sunblock of course!) at least twice a week (usually tending to my container garden). Over time, I felt better about myself- gradually one bit at a time. Then one day I woke up and realized that it had been months since I thought of the ex. I did fall in love again (to someone that makes me even happier) and moved on with my life. When I still think back to that ex, a particular quote always springs to mind: "life has a way of just turnin' around and around and around" - this experience will, in time, make you stronger and wiser than you could have ever imagined. Keep going out with your friends, but be sure that you take yourself to a movie too! (hey, no bickering over the latest action movie versus the latest chick flick! ) Of course, being female, I love animals...so I took myself to an animal shelter. Maybe adopt a dog? (man's best friend and all).
I assure you, it will get better and the pain will eventually fade! Best of luck to you, you sound like you're doing an awesome job already!
Okay. Get back to work as soon as possible (give yourself a couple of days just to make it worth it)
The reason I'm saying this is because during the time you're working, you're also only halfway thinking about how badly you feel. And you're getting paid, and time is passing. The only thing that will ultimately make you feel better is the passage of time.
And why waste a perfectly good break from work when you feel so badly? Working will help keep your mind off your troubles, at least part of the time. I've been through this more times than I care to say. Really.
Go back to work. Force yourself to go through the motions of living your life, even if you're a miserable zombie. Staying busy is better than picking Doritos crumbs out of your belly button on the sofa.
Keep moving, keep breathing, you will feel better in about a hundred years or less. I promise.
I have been through this before (although never from a relationship this serious). I always used work as an outlet before, but things were going very badly at work before this even happened, so when I was there it was amplifying my misery. I am not just sitting around being miserable- I am out and about being miserable . Plus, an afternoon on the golf course is much more satisfying than an afternoon at work listening to people grumble because someone stole their pen.
Thanks to everyone else that has responded. I have found that when I am on here posting, and reading responses, it does make me feel a bit better (for a few minutes at least). Living alone now, it is nice to know there is always someone out there to talk to if you need it. Thank God the internet is around now... don't know what I would have done back in the day!
You are on the right road to recovery. Like Tyler Perry says, "Just keep moving". You are resuming your social life (very important) and now you need to get back to work. Allow yourself to mourn the loss of the relationship but don't wallow in it. Write down your fellings, it will help you get them out and help you reflect. And since your ex was considerate enough to tell you why she left, so you are armed for the future and the next relationship.
Tomorrow I am supposed to have lunch with the ex. She has said that she doesn't think it's a good idea, and doesn't want to talk about us, but will do it. I said that won't be a problem (I can control myself). Should I just cancel it until I am further along in my healing process? I guess my fear is that she is agreeing to it now... but may never want to talk to me again if I cancel, and we were best friends before our relationship. Torn, big surprise!
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) Of course, being female, I love animals...so I took myself to an animal shelter. Maybe adopt a dog? (man's best friend and all). 
. Plus, an afternoon on the golf course is much more satisfying than an afternoon at work listening to people grumble because someone stole their pen.
