Bad mouthing

[basa9159]

Originally Posted by sassyone

The biggest worry is will you be harmed, or your daughter. Is there anyway that you can go to your parents for help? There are many women out there that are afraid to leave an abusive marriage and I don't blame them.
They do have safe houses for women and children. I understand the fear you have, but staying with someone that is not safe would not be worth living with them and never knowing when they will snap. I sure wish you the best.

Unfortunately, my parents are deceased.

I don't feel that I'll be harmed, since I don't plan on telling him that I'm leaving until I'm gone.

[basa9159]

Originally Posted by therewego

Many years ago, I was in your situation with regards to the badmouthing and verbal abuse. I stayed until, like you, I saved enough money to leave. In the meantime, in my own mind, I had already left. I distanced myself. We were living like roommates and he was oblivious to it. He actually was surprised when I just left. Unlike you, back then, I did not have kids. I know that is a whole other can of worms. You will not have his support, so just explain to your child that the way he talks about you is disrespectful and she should never accept that from anyone. Once you leave, you can be more honest with her but until then just keep it simple. I finally found my wonderful husband and he is totally opposite of that previous person; he is more like me. Good luck!

Excellent post, and that's why I choose to post the thread.

I wanted to know what others had done in this situation, and have gotten great advice and wishes for the best.

I REALLY want to thank all of you for your advice and concern.

I'm looking forward to the day when things get better, and I can wake up not having to worry about what I say or do.

[gizmobizmo]

Originally Posted by Colddiamond102

Well...give him something else to badmouth..

Take a can of spray starch and starch his shorts 9(or something you've just brought back from the cleaners)

Let the air out of his tires ( a flat tire should give him something to complain about for ages)

Egg his car late at night so he can complain about the "people" that did it

Get up a bunch of cockleburs or sandspurs and put them in his shoes...

Cook him something to make him sick. If he's busy tossing his cookies, he cant complain at all...

Best of luck to you, dear. Just remember, there are subtle ways to make his life miserable without him placing the blame on you. Get out as soon as you can.

Those are pretty cold, calculating ideas!! I LIKE them!!!

Add some ground up "Ex lax" to all his meals while your at it. That will keep him busy.

On a more serious note, although I feel terrible for you and the situation you are in, please remember that you are responsible for your daughters well being. If either of you are in danger of physical abuse, it is up to you, the adult, to protect yourself and your child immediately. There are options open to you if you choose to utilize them. Move in with a friend or relative or go to a shelter.

There are some who will not like this but I'll say it anyway. You are partially responsible for someone verbally abusing you when it has happened more than once. If you put up with it, even once, you might as well hold up a sign the invites someone to do it again. I doubt that this just started out of the blue. There are always signs that someone is verbally abusive very early on. By not putting someone in check from the get go, you take the chance that they will think you are too spineless to stand up for yourself. I'm not trying to kick you while you are down but you need to stand up for yourself.

I'm sure there are things about this guy that you know that he won't want others to know. Tell him if he bad mouths you again, you will repeat that information to anyone who will listen and humiliate him.

Also, I have to ask where your family is when this is going on??? If my husband was stupid enough to bad mouth me to my family, he would find himself either kicked out of their homes or get the crap beat out of him. My brother chased down a guy who said something ugly to me once and beat the H**L out of him. Do you have a male relative who will stand up for you and let the jerk in your life know that his behavior will stop immediately???

[funymann]

Originally Posted by basa9159

I believe that he does it to make himself look better.

As for the people he tells, I only know my friends and family that tell me. They basically just ignore him, but my brother who is down visiting this week told me that when he was bad mothing me, my daughter stood up and told him "stop badmouthing mom!"

The situation sucks, and my daughter shouldn't be involved, PERIOD!

Apparently he WANTS you to leave or he wouldn't say those things. Take your daughter and go. You have friends or family maybe even in another state. Just go.