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Debatable. Back to the adage: "there's her story, there's his story, and the TRUTH."
Truth? I filed. My ex was a controlling SOB that was a great guy as long as the world was spinning around him. When it became evident that life with me was not going to be all about him, then he became horrible to live with. Streams of vile, mean, nasty words were mostly what came out of his mouth to me, when he chose to speak. He basically withdrew from me, and refused to do anything to try and deal wth the issue. I went to counseling sessions, many of them, alone, because he refused to go. He would come at night at 2 and 3 in the morning, drunk and stinking. Gee...what's not to love? I was the same person after the marriage as I was before. Somehow, I guess he thought I would turn into his mom and become a susiie-homemaker. I did not.
Yes, I filed because he would not expend the effort or the money to go find a lawyer. He never did get a lawyer - mine did the entire separation, and 5 years later, the divorce. Why so long separated? Because I had agreed to delay any child support until the divorce was finalized, as I was in a better place financially than he was. So of course, he had NO incentive to get the divorce. I filed. I paid. There's your truth.
The real reason is this: the vast majority of men marry women ONLY because they like/love THEM! On the other hand, lots of women marry men for other reasons, like money, status and who knows what else - in general, things that are replaceable! Therefore, men are generally more emotionally attached to their wives than the other way around, and their loss is a lot greater.
What a crock. Men get married sometimes for the same stupid reasons women do--because she has a great job and he is too lazy to work and figures if he persuades her that he loves her, she'll pay the bills; because they figure marriage means regular sex; because they figure marriage means someone will cook for them/wash their clothes/clean up after them; because their friends are all getting married and it's the thing to do in his social circle; because of family pressures and expectations.
Some of these situations may also include love, but many times men marry women they don't really love but who fit some need. Just as some women do.
In general, though, men seem to be more self-centered and less focused on others, not less. Remember that old survey that tells it all: Men and women were asked what date in the year means the most to them. Women chose their wedding anniversary, or the day they met their husband, or in some cases a religious holiday date.
Almost 100% of men said their own birthday. Ding ding ding.
Truth? I filed. My ex was a controlling SOB that was a great guy as long as the world was spinning around him. When it became evident that life with me was not going to be all about him, then he became horrible to live with. Streams of vile, mean, nasty words were mostly what came out of his mouth to me, when he chose to speak. He basically withdrew from me, and refused to do anything to try and deal wth the issue. I went to counseling sessions, many of them, alone, because he refused to go. He would come at night at 2 and 3 in the morning, drunk and stinking. Gee...what's not to love? I was the same person after the marriage as I was before. Somehow, I guess he thought I would turn into his mom and become a susiie-homemaker. I did not.
Yes, I filed because he would not expend the effort or the money to go find a lawyer. He never did get a lawyer - mine did the entire separation, and 5 years later, the divorce. Why so long separated? Because I had agreed to delay any child support until the divorce was finalized, as I was in a better place financially than he was. So of course, he had NO incentive to get the divorce. I filed. I paid. There's your truth.
Based on the divorced people I know your story is not unique. Many men do not want to be bothered filing. I believe this is first and foremost due to laziness. Fearing change is a close second. And being incapable is third. That last one comes to mind for a gf of mine. Her husband is bi-polar and over the years has regressed into a helpless man-child. He can't even hold a job let alone file for divorce. He's back living with is parents now. Fortunately, she doesn't need child support and is actually saving since she doesn't have to support him or his habits any more.
Based on the divorced people I know your story is not unique. Many men do not want to be bothered filing. I believe this is first and foremost due to laziness. Fearing change is a close second. And being incapable is third. That last one comes to mind for a gf of mine. Her husband is bi-polar and over the years has regressed into a helpless man-child. He can't even hold a job let alone file for divorce. He's back living with is parents now. Fortunately, she doesn't need child support and is actually saving since she doesn't have to support him or his habits any more.
You forgot #4, being too cheap, so putting the financial burden on the wife to have to do it.
This is the one. Most men are going to be on the bad end of a divorce financially so they won't initiate it.
co-worker of mine got divorced 5 years ago. on the advice of his attorney he went to all the court ordered couples sessions prior to the divorce so that he could hopefully not get destroyed with child support. in the end he ended up having to pay 600 a month in child support on a teachers salary. the state minimum is 700 but somehow got the ex to go below 700. he's sees his boys A LOT actually and hs ex-wife as it turned out comes from a very wealthy family that could have easily provided for the boys rather than taking money out of this poor guys pocket. the system is broken IMO.
co-worker of mine got divorced 5 years ago. on the advice of his attorney he went to all the court ordered couples sessions prior to the divorce so that he could hopefully not get destroyed with child support. in the end he ended up having to pay 600 a month in child support on a teachers salary. the state minimum is 700 but somehow got the ex to go below 700. he's sees his boys A LOT actually and hs ex-wife as it turned out comes from a very wealthy family that could have easily provided for the boys rather than taking money out of this poor guys pocket. the system is broken IMO.
So in-laws with money should be made to pay for their grandchildren, but grandparents without money wouldn't have that burden? Why should the grandparents have to bear responsibility for their former son-in-law's financial obligations to his children?
co-worker of mine got divorced 5 years ago. on the advice of his attorney he went to all the court ordered couples sessions prior to the divorce so that he could hopefully not get destroyed with child support. in the end he ended up having to pay 600 a month in child support on a teachers salary. the state minimum is 700 but somehow got the ex to go below 700. he's sees his boys A LOT actually and hs ex-wife as it turned out comes from a very wealthy family that could have easily provided for the boys rather than taking money out of this poor guys pocket. the system is broken IMO.
Why didn't he ask for joint custody? I thought that men who asked for joint and full usually got it.
I don't understand much about custody, but if he asked for joint custody would he still have to pay child support?
No, neither parent would. My gf and her ex have joint custody. Both of them need to keep households that can hold more people (bedrooms and such), so the lifestyle is more expensive for both, but it evens out.
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