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I read back through the posts...what a variety of answers to your question. My other advice would be to move slowly. Emotions go up and down so quickly. I know from my own past that once I was having problems in my first marriage that I was my own worst enemy. We start justifying why we should leave. We all could come up with examples of why our marriage is not working.
Go back to counting your blessings and go slow. Counsel first and by yourself at first. Tell your husband you are struggling and confused and need to talk with someone. Don't make him pay for your struggles just yet. There will be time for that. You don't have to be in a hurry. Let your emotions rest awhile and think through the aftermath of making a decision to split. I think most women overlook the consequences of the split. I divorced in '87, it was the right decision, but I had two kids and a step child who stayed with me. I worked six part time jobs and still needed help from my parents. It was a hard road!!! My kids still got all my love but man did we pinch pennies.
Some one said the Ben Stein wrote a must read book on money and divorce. Once you think about running another household, what you can provide to your kids, healthcare, furniture, etc. And guess what you still have to see your ex. Mine has shown up for wedding, grandchildren...they are always in your life.
Please, please go slow and think this through...take your time.
I read back through the posts...what a variety of answers to your question. My other advice would be to move slowly. Emotions go up and down so quickly. I know from my own past that once I was having problems in my first marriage that I was my own worst enemy. We start justifying why we should leave. We all could come up with examples of why our marriage is not working.
Go back to counting your blessings and go slow. Counsel first and by yourself at first. Tell your husband you are struggling and confused and need to talk with someone. Don't make him pay for your struggles just yet. There will be time for that. You don't have to be in a hurry. Let your emotions rest awhile and think through the aftermath of making a decision to split. I think most women overlook the consequences of the split. I divorced in '87, it was the right decision, but I had two kids and a step child who stayed with me. I worked six part time jobs and still needed help from my parents. It was a hard road!!! My kids still got all my love but man did we pinch pennies.
Some one said the Ben Stein wrote a must read book on money and divorce. Once you think about running another household, what you can provide to your kids, healthcare, furniture, etc. And guess what you still have to see your ex. Mine has shown up for wedding, grandchildren...they are always in your life.
Please, please go slow and think this through...take your time.
driftwoodpoint-I know that emotions can come and go. This thing I have been going through, I have been going through for about 6 months now. I just feel it getting worse day by day. I am at the point now that I cant even stand getting phone calls or text messages from him when I am not home. At what point do you stop trying? He keeps saying "I know you feel uncomfortable around me". How do I respond to that. If I say what I really am feeling - he makes me second guess myself. He makes me feel guilty for putting him and the girls through this. He will say things like "Why cant you just be happy like you were before" Anyways, I have my first appointment with a theripist on Nov 10th. I havent told him yet. and i am not sure if i should have him come with me or go it alone. I feel this is more of "lets talk to someone to help us deal with a separation" more than "lets try to work things out". Still, I strugle to focus on anything else but this throughout my day.
I have read through some of your posts , and if you check out what I wrote to someone in the sexless marriage thread I voiced my feelings on that post. Getting back to your problem, it seems like you have really made up your mind as to ending your marriage. My two cents and that's all it is , if he really is not abusive mentally and I read some posts that you mentioned that he says to you that no one will love you like I do. He is just spewing words because he is so afraid of losing you. My husband says the same and I know that is not true. He is just afraid. Fear makes people say and do things they really don't mean.
I see that you mentioned a co worker that your have feelings for, sweetie there is your reason for not wanting to make this marriage work. I have seen many of my friends go down this road and they lost their husbands and lover. Now one of them is trying to get back to her husband and it's not going to happen. So please think this through if its because you want out fine, but if not your making a big mistake.This person needs to be out of the equation if not you will not resolve the problems with your husband . .
IMO you were young yes I know a lot of people who married young and they are still together after 30 yrs. and are truly happy. That may be a valid excuse but the real reason here is that you lost the weight and I am sure that your looking good and are getting complements from other men validating your attractiveness . Hey its great for anyone's ego. Just curious when you were heavy did you have these same feelings about your husband? like I mentioned I haven't read all your posts...
You really need to speak to a counselor asap to help you put your life is some sort of perspective, you have young children and their well being is what matters. Whichever road you take just make sure you give it your all and then you can look back and say I tried and it didn't work. Life is to short, you must make yourself happy for you and the environment in your house. It is not fair to your husband either, he sounds like a good decent man in which many women are looking for. Go for counseling!!!!! I am speaking to you as if you were my daughter..
Thank you - You do bring up valid points. when I was at my heavy (obese really), I never really felt like going out or anything like that because I did not feel good about myself. I havent enjoyed sex with my husband for years now. When I was big, I thought it was becasue of how I felt about myself, but now that I feel great, I still dont want him anywhere near me. And all my marraige I have felt like , "there has to be more out there"
Thank you - You do bring up valid points. when I was at my heavy (obese really), I never really felt like going out or anything like that because I did not feel good about myself. I havent enjoyed sex with my husband for years now. When I was big, I thought it was becasue of how I felt about myself, but now that I feel great, I still dont want him anywhere near me. And all my marraige I have felt like , "there has to be more out there"
Seeee your husband loved you even when you were obese!!!! doesn't that tell you something?? you said he is handsome is he in physical shape?
I think that you made up your mind... I don't think what anyone says here is going to change your mind. Your just looking for validations, am I right? Your hung up on that co worker.
Jeep I agree with you.
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My other advice would be to move slowly. Emotions go up and down so quickly. I know from my own past that once I was having problems in my first marriage that I was my own worst enemy. We start justifying why we should leave. We all could come up with examples of why our marriage is not working. 
in your life.
