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A woman came into another forum I'm at and made an initial post about how she cannot find guys that share her religion. I won't go into details...because that's not where my question lies exactly.
The question is: what would you think of someone who was willing to compromise their values to enter into a relationship? Or someone who had no opinions on the subject to begin with, mimicking your values just to get into a relationship with you?
For example...let's say I was single, and met a Jewish woman. And she wanted someone who was Jewish. I could convert...if I didn't hold my values so strongly...but would that make me dateable, if I HAD been willing to give up my religion to date her?
Or (true story, by the way) I wasn't a regular churchgoer, but I get married to someone that frequently goes to church. So I start going JUST because I've got this new relationship.
Ok, sorry, I'm not sure I even understand what I'm trying to ask, sorry.
To me, a title is a title is a title. We can all brand ourselves with titles galore. The only time where I will not date someone whereas beliefs are concerned is if they will nag and preach me up. If I meet a Jewish man and marry him and he wants me to convert, fine, it's a title. I know what my beliefs are, I know my stand. A title cannot make me change that. I was married to an Atheist for about 80% of the marriage. I remain.
Well, for men, converting requires a bris...at least for me. But it would also mean living as a man who follows that religion in his personal life too. Observing THEIR Sabbath, not my own, etc.
Most people could not "become" Amish. Most people would not be willing to give up who they are and what they have to go back to a "simpler" way of living--even though it means more work.
Let me try another example. Let's say I've always voted Republican, and share the views that make up their platform (actually, I only share about half of either). I meet someone who is a lifelong Democrat. Would other people consider it okay if I scrapped ALL MY VIEWS...just to be in a relationship with that person?
Not with the Jewish faith it is not fine. In fact Jews discourage people from converting. It is part of their faith. Oh, you would be welcome at Temple. In some groups burial in the Jewish Cemetery with your spouse would be denied. The reformed groups do allow it.
I would want someone with similar beliefs as mine. I think when you have children is makes it very difficult. With each degree of difference I think you are asking for more friction. You certainly don't have to be a clone of each other but major areas would be a must for me. I would never dilute my beliefs for anyone.
To answer the OP's question, I would be a bit concerned if someone was willing to "change" their belief system to be with me. Now, if the person held no firm beliefs about the subject at hand in the beginning and he began to mirror my lifestyle or beliefs I would probably assume he had found a comfort level in the situation and was happy.
While I've seen some people make it work, I think it's very difficult to sustain a healthy, happy long-term relationship when you have different religious beliefs or share a different faith. As the PP stated, a lot of the friction starts when you have children. Frankly, I think it's something that should be discussed well in advance of getting married.
To me, a title is a title is a title. We can all brand ourselves with titles galore. The only time where I will not date someone whereas beliefs are concerned is if they will nag and preach me up. If I meet a Jewish man and marry him and he wants me to convert, fine, it's a title. I know what my beliefs are, I know my stand. A title cannot make me change that. I was married to an Atheist for about 80% of the marriage. I remain.
A true Jew would NEVER what you to convert for him. Not a Rabbi in the world would do it. It isn't a social club.
That's the point I tried to make to THAT poster. Some people might actually compromise their beliefs...or pay lip service to her beliefs...just to initiate a relationship with her! And I feel that's horrible, myself, because I wouldn't do it. But I think that there are people out there who would!
A true Jew would NEVER what you to convert for him. Not a Rabbi in the world would do it. It isn't a social club.
Sammy Davis, Jr.
Um, I can actually see SOME people being serious about their desire to convert...but only being allowed to after YEARS of instruction in the new faith.
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