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Listen, I am not just trying to get attention. I am really just looking for a place to vent. For people (who are not directly envoled) to bouce thoughts off of.
Don't let these folks get to you! In this day and time we all seek answers and ask questions in odd places, etc. Besides, it seems a strange judgement since that person is on this site as well
i think that is what my husband is hoping will happen. He holds on to the hope that once he is gone, I will see what a mistake I made, and realize that I really do love him. It is false hope. I know my feelings are not going to chage. I feel that, by him holding to to this hope, it will prevent him from dealig with the reality and that he will end up more hurt in the end. I love him, he is the father of my children, I have been with him for 18 years (and I am only 32). But I am defantly not in love with him anymore. Maybe I neve really was. I dont know. but I do know, I want him to be happy. I hope he does meet someone great, who will make him happy and someone who is good to my girls.
I read many posts, got mad and left to cool off. My biggest problem has to do w/the kids. They are the ones who will hurt the most. I could rip you a new one, MS., but it will do no good.
In the best interest of the kids, give custody to their Dad. That way you can go out w/friends, date, and do what you want.
Ms. Confused, I have "been there, done that". My situation was a little different, because my ex was not a good person, unfortunately. The emotions I was experiencing, however, are the same ones you have.
I got involved with him at 18 (after not having done much dating at all) and got married when I was 20. Had my daughter when I was 21, and my son when I was 24. I felt trapped, like I had nothing else to live for. I was only in my mid-20s. I wanted to be able to date, to have fun, to not solely be defined as a wife and mother.
So here's what happened... We separated when I was 26. I got involved with a guy at work; he was the worst kind of creep, but I was too naive to know any better. Then I got online (this was in the days of BBSing, long before the actual internet!), and dated a lot. I mean just "dating", not having sex. It was fun; I could go out, I could flirt! I was "me" again. Well, because of my own issues, I ended up in a five-year relationship with a man eighteen years older than me, and that went nowhere. He's serving time in a Nevada prison now for attempted murder (no, not me!). After a series of failed relationships, I'm much more cynical now than I was before, and I'm not so willing to hand over my heart (and other body parts!).
Do I wish I had stayed with my ex? Hell, no. Do I wish I had picked a better man to be the father of my children? Yes. If my ex had been a better man, then perhaps counseling would have worked (and we were in counseling almost from the beginning!).
The emotions you're describing are natural and normal, but they can lead you astray in no time. You can't be happy at your family's expense. I left my kids with my ex, which was a terrible mistake, and that guilt never let up for even a moment.
I realize you're probably not going to listen. Mentally you're already halfway out the door, especially if you've already gotten involved with someone else. How far has the physical involvement gone? Even a kiss can feel amazing; it turns you into a teenager again. But you can't be sure what the guy is thinking; after all, he knows you're married, and he knows that he can have you - if not now, then eventually if he's just patient enough. Do you care that he probably thinks you're foolish and easy, that you can be easily manipulated? Does any of that ever cross your mind? He doesn't think you're special. He's not the one who would come rushing to your aid if you were dying. These are all important things to think about. Glamour is not love. Seduction is not love. Infatuation is not love.
Please go to individual counseling before you do something irrevocable. Your husband loves you; that's why he's trying so hard to hold onto you now. Don't throw that away on a whim of emotion.
Sandoco-I know you are right. and I really do wish I could listen to you. I know that I am probably making a mistake but I cant stay. Maybe I deserve to be unhappy. I know right now my bigest issue is my kids, but I dont want to stay just because of that. Then one day they will move out I will be 10 years older and it will be that harder to leave. And on top of all that, the home they live in now, is far from peace and happiness. Maybe that is becasue of me, I dont know. All I know is I feel I cannot breath here. I need to find out who I am. This thing with the guy at work - It went as far as kissing. and that was yesterday. I did feel like I was a teenager again and that felt great. It feels like it is what I need right now to get through this. AS far as me thinking he loves me or even cares deeply about me, I know he dosent. BUt it feels so good to know he wants me. That I am attractive to someone other than my husband. To feel like a beautiful women, instead of a mom and wife. I know in my heart he probabaly thinks I am easily manipulated, but some part of me hopes he really does care. and maybe He can help ease my pain in all this. I know I sound like a fool and you all are thinking I should get what I deserve, but I cannot help how I feel. This guy does got me all twisted thought. I think about him constenly. I doubt he spends this much time thinking about me. but I my own emotioanl mess I think maybe he is sitting thinking about me, just as much as I am about him. And before anyone says anything - In my heart, my marraige was over LONG BEFORE this guy was in the picture
and also, in my head, maybe i am wrong, i feel my girls will adjust. I feel they will be OK. Lots of kids go through this. I know they will be effected some what and I am not saying it will be easy, but I think they can get though this without severe emotional damage. At least I hope so.
Great news, as I think your husband is better off without you, judging from your decision-making process of asking some strangers on a message board who don't know you from Eve and within a matter of days making such a life-altering decision. I hope he gets custody of the children.
OMG, what a horrible thing to say to someone. No matter what you think you shouldnt say something as horrid as that. Shame on you. Didnt your mother teach you that if you dont have something nice to say then keep your mouth shut.
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After a series of failed relationships, I'm much more cynical now than I was before, and I'm not so willing to hand over my heart (and other body parts!).
