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I wrote awhile back about my husband's driving anxiety. Well we ended up moving closer to his job.
We found a nice therapist also. He says it's helping. However when we go, we have to go all the way around the town in the opposite direction and back down south to get there. When from work it's like a 15-20 minute drive. It takes 45 minutes instead. He refuses to let me drive, he has to drive and take the long way.
Now that we moved, he wants to change the appointment times to during the day and wants us to take a 2 hr lunch every week. Before we were going in the evening. I feel like he's sabatoging this, sabatoging my job and his job as well.
I feel really stressed out. Today I still had to drive him to work and on top of that pick him during lunch bc his cafeteria was closed. He calls repeatedly wondering when I'm coming for lunch and when I'm picking him up after work. He started calling at like 4pm wondering when I will pick him up. I have meetings at 4 every Monday. I feel so stressed, I don't know what to do. I feel like running away. He's a nice guy and provides well financially. But I feel suffocated, stressed out, feeling resentful and feel like screaming all the time. I am beginning to hate him.
I don't know how to solve this and I don't know how to destress myself and not feel this hatred and anger any longer.
I wrote awhile back about my husband's driving anxiety. Well we ended up moving closer to his job.
We found a nice therapist also. He says it's helping. However when we go, we have to go all the way around the town in the opposite direction and back down south to get there. When from work it's like a 15-20 minute drive. It takes 45 minutes instead. He refuses to let me drive, he has to drive and take the long way.
Now that we moved, he wants to change the appointment times to during the day and wants us to take a 2 hr lunch every week. Before we were going in the evening. I feel like he's sabatoging this, sabatoging my job and his job as well.
I feel really stressed out. Today I still had to drive him to work and on top of that pick him during lunch bc his cafeteria was closed. He calls repeatedly wondering when I'm coming for lunch and when I'm picking him up after work. He started calling at like 4pm wondering when I will pick him up. I have meetings at 4 every Monday. I feel so stressed, I don't know what to do. I feel like running away. He's a nice guy and provides well financially. But I feel suffocated, stressed out, feeling resentful and feel like screaming all the time. I am beginning to hate him.
I don't know how to solve this and I don't know how to destress myself and not feel this hatred and anger any longer.
Sorry you are going though this..I can understand your frustration. Since you are already seeing a therapists bring this up in one of your sessions.
You need to tell him. I don't have your same problem, but I know all too well about that hatred feeling. Probably best to bring it up at the next counseling session.
I was thinking the same thing- bring it up in therapy. Sorry you are stressed out, i know you feel like you are on the verge of being worn out with all you do. What about telling him you no longer can take two hour lunches because your boss dissaproves and you need to go back to evenings? Why does he have to drive the long way? Tell him if you are going to sacrafice your lunch you have to take the short way because you have to get back in time/have things to do/gas is expensive etc...
and how about emailing him a schedule- of your meetings and the times you will pick him up- so that way he knows and wont call
I wrote awhile back about my husband's driving anxiety. Well we ended up moving closer to his job.
We found a nice therapist also. He says it's helping. However when we go, we have to go all the way around the town in the opposite direction and back down south to get there. When from work it's like a 15-20 minute drive. It takes 45 minutes instead. He refuses to let me drive, he has to drive and take the long way.
Now that we moved, he wants to change the appointment times to during the day and wants us to take a 2 hr lunch every week. Before we were going in the evening. I feel like he's sabatoging this, sabatoging my job and his job as well.
I feel really stressed out. Today I still had to drive him to work and on top of that pick him during lunch bc his cafeteria was closed. He calls repeatedly wondering when I'm coming for lunch and when I'm picking him up after work. He started calling at like 4pm wondering when I will pick him up. I have meetings at 4 every Monday. I feel so stressed, I don't know what to do. I feel like running away. He's a nice guy and provides well financially. But I feel suffocated, stressed out, feeling resentful and feel like screaming all the time. I am beginning to hate him.
I don't know how to solve this and I don't know how to destress myself and not feel this hatred and anger any longer.
That is just horrible. He seems to think that his anxiety is your problem, too. Classic co-dependency.
My advice to you: Put up some strong boundaries and tell him you are not able to accompany him on these insane roundabout outings. He will then unleash his anger, and you will see clearly what an angry intolerable person he is. Then get yourself out of this relationship.
Right now the anger you are expressing is HIS. When you put up the boundaries, he will express HIS anger and YOU will start to see the TRUTH.
That is just horrible. He seems to think that his anxiety is your problem, too. Classic co-dependency.
My advice to you: Put up some strong boundaries and tell him you are not able to accompany him on these insane roundabout outings. He will then unleash his anger, and you will see clearly what an angry intolerable person he is. Then get yourself out of this relationship.
Right now the anger you are expressing is HIS. When you put up the boundaries, he will express HIS anger and YOU will start to see the TRUTH.
I agree with part of your advice..."Put up some strong boundaries and tell him you are not able to accompany him on these insane roundabout outings"
This is really what callalillie needs to do - no question about it - quit enabling this disabling anxiety.
So how do I stop enabling him? I think I am definitely doing that. Should I say no to the 2 hour lunch appointment? Maybe I have to say, we will only go evening appointment and the short way. But I don't think that will work, bc he just won't go the appointment. He'll just cancel it. I can't force him to go, it's not like I can pick him up and tie him down lol.
How about for other things like if he needs to go somewhere or needs something dropped off at the post office or oil changes or dmv etc? Do I just not do it? Or do the things that I have to like car inspected (or else we'll get a fine)? And not do the rest?
So how do I stop enabling him? I think I am definitely doing that. Should I say no to the 2 hour lunch appointment? Maybe I have to say, we will only go evening appointment and the short way. But I don't think that will work, bc he just won't go the appointment. He'll just cancel it. I can't force him to go, it's not like I can pick him up and tie him down lol.
How about for other things like if he needs to go somewhere or needs something dropped off at the post office or oil changes or dmv etc? Do I just not do it? Or do the things that I have to like car inspected (or else we'll get a fine)? And not do the rest?
There's an old truism I learned in a sociology class years ago - the person with the least amount of interest in a relationship has the most amount of control in the relationship. You are so busy trying to do all you can to make this all be alright that you are running around like a puppet on a string. HE IS MANIPULATING YOU. I am very sympathetic to his problems, really I am, but if he is allowed to continue to be the puppet master this stuff will never get better.
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