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You seem to be confused because of the age issue. If I were you I'd just forget about the age difference and approach him in the same way as I would if he and I were the same age. You seem very self conscious about this because of the age difference and it is making you act awkward and goofy. Just relax about it and start flirting with him and see what comes of it.
I'd definitely lay off the texts and calls though. Most men like to be the one doing the pursuing. He knows you like him and if you start flirting with him a bit when he comes in you will give him all the opportunity in the world to make the next move. If he is not interested, well, there is nothing you can do about it. Most likely it has nothing to do with your age difference. Unfortunately, there are some instances where people we are attracted to are not attracted to us! If that is the case, resign yourself to think of him only as a friend and move on with your life.
20yrsinBranson
Hi 20yrs,
I really like your advice, thanks! I am trying to relax more and I guess I''m not the most confident person (thats another story lol!) I do feel awkward when his around. I am not going to text or phone him again, I will be just focusing on trying to relax with him and chill a bit.
It's just a big deal. Don't really wanna go into that right now. But, trust me - age ISN'T just a number!
I am with ya on that one dear!!!!
To the OP, about 3 years ago I had had a relationship with a man who was 17 years my junior. While there were certain benefits ( ) to be sure, and we had an extraordinary amount of things in common, at the end of the day, we were in very different phases of our lives. Just a couple of ships passing in the night, really. The attraction may be mutual, but it is rare that such an age difference can be ignored long enough, by both parties, for a lasting relationship. It can happen, but it rarely does. Best to move on.
Last edited by ChessieMom; 10-31-2008 at 07:25 AM..
Okay...a real life experience. My father is 96 and my mother is 79. That is a 17 year difference. They still are both alive. My father is relatively healthy, except he is blind in an eye, and practically deaf. He hobbles around in his walker, gets up, eats, watches a little TV and goes back to sleep. My mother says he is like a kid now...can't keep his food on his plate (ends up on the floor), forgets to flush the toilet, coughs loudly to clear his throat, all that. My mother although relatively healthy herself, now feels the old bones creaking with arthritis, really wants to relax now, but finds herself continuously having to take care of my father in his relatively advanced age. Because of his immobility, they are unable to visit with us here in the South (they are in CA). My sisters and I to this day do not understand what my mother was thinking when she decided to marry someone 17 years her senior. I would hate to be in my mother's position now and would have been had I married someone who was 42 when I was 22. Someone had then told me that when I was 42 and would still want to ride roller coasters, would my 62 year-old husband still want to join me? Would be still share the same interests and desires, would we still be physically able to enjoy the same things considering the age gap? It may not be material when both are still fairly young, but the difference seems to exponentially increase the later in age you both become. I don't know what that magic ideal age-gap would be, but anything in 2 digits I would seriously think over. The rush of infatuation, passion or lust or whatever else disappears fast when the reality of aging comes into play.
You know, I have thought about whether I would want a fling or a longterm relationship, and I don't think I would be ready for either, I'm not really a fling person but at this stage in my life I wouldn't want to commit to someone else to quickly, I guess I would just like to get to know him more.
It might surprise you but I briefly met this same guy 18 months prior. Funny enough he came to do some maintenance work with another guy at the place I used to live. It was one glance from him then I experienced a very strange feeling, it was't bad and it wasn't good, it was just this feeling. He worked at the same company (still does) that I am working for now! Hows that for a coincidence
My job is very important to me and that is why I need to keep a lid on things and choose to write to forums such as this one to try and get some kind of clarity and I wouldn't want his job to be effected either.
Try to start off with just a friendship first then. See if there are activities that you would both enjoy doing outside of work. If there is some outdoor festival on a weekend, drop a hint that you were thinking of attending it. Aim for daytime activities, which will take the pressure off that goodnight kiss. But really get to know him, and give him a chance to know you before proceeding forward romantically. And it's also a chance for him to have a period of cleansing from his ex.
Otherwise, not every young man in his 20's can conceive of a real relationship with a older woman and not turn it into a cougar conquest/fling. I would say that my young man is the only one I've met in his age group that could handle an age gap relationship. BTW although I'm almost 50, I still get mistaken for being in my 30's and once in a very great while, my late twenties.
Lastly, treat him with respect and don't assume that all he wants is a fling.
Hi Miu,
I like your latest piece of advice! I am really going to try and relax around him more, I don't want to push anything with him because it would feel fake, I want things to develope naturally and see what happens! But the other half of me wants to...well..you know lol!
I still can't fathom the coincidences that have led to all of this! Its freaky!!
My husband and I met at work. We worried about how it would affect our jobs. In our case, we chose to talk to the head of the company and disclose it to him first. He was flattered and impressed that we were putting the company's policies ahead of ourselves. He also was pleased that we repected him enough to face him with it. What we did ended rumour mill issues and made our relationship alot less stressful. Good Luck
I think he is a little bit intimidated by you. I would be. I am sure he is a little bit intrigued in what a relationship with you would be like, but he probably doesn't care enough to pursue something. If you were hot, I would think about it, but I still cant say I would positively date someone so much older.
Pair that thought with the fact that you came on a little strong and he might have decided to let this opportunity pass. Next time, be more subtle and less overbearing would be my advice.
I am 5'13 and my husband was 5'6. If you let insignificant things rule you, you may never find true happiness and marital bliss. Look at it this way.,,. when you are old and grey, he'll still be young enough to push your wheelchair for you. That'll save some serious money on health care and keep him exercised, too.
Be very clear that you prefer younger men and that when he turns 50, you just might be tempted to trade him in on two 25-year-olds.
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) to be sure, and we had an extraordinary amount of things in common, at the end of the day, we were in very different phases of our lives. Just a couple of ships passing in the night, really. The attraction may be mutual, but it is rare that such an age difference can be ignored long enough, by both parties, for a lasting relationship. It can happen, but it rarely does. Best to move on.
and choose to write to forums such as this one to try and get some kind of clarity and I wouldn't want his job to be effected either.
