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I'm 40, and have had a few long term relationships, but nothing that ever came close to marriage- I want a wife and children- a family of my own, but am seriosly wondering if that will ever happen. I've noticed most women who spark my interest are already taken..So much for focusing my attention on my schooling and career.
Do most American men-and women who have never been married by 40 stay that way? I hope i didn't miss my window of opportunity...
Anyone here meet your significant other after you were 4o years of age?
My sister in law in Manhattan is still single at 60, I've never asked her but I assume being a DR working long hours in the ER and doing things like volunteering when the Katrina victims needed help has something to do with it. She's happy and I doubt she will ever get married by choice.
Is the reason you have never come close to getting married by choice till now, trying to understand. I personally don't think 40 is too old,
My sister in law in Manhattan is still single at 60, I've never asked her but I assume being a DR working long hours in the ER and doing things like volunteering when the Katrina victims needed help has something to do with it. She's happy and I doubt she will ever get married by choice.
Is the reason you have never come close to getting married by choice till now, trying to understand. I personally don't think 40 is too old,
I work with special needs students, and that does eat up a great deal of my time..As my 3 siblings are happily married and have 2 kids each, Christmas at thier respective homes is pure magic, wheras at my place; being the lone bachelor of the family, seems a bit empty...
I bought some goldfish, that helps a bit..
I was married at 32, divorced by 34. Dated the next guy for about 4 years. Met my current and best boyfriend yet at the age of 45. Five years of living together and still going strong. Since there are no kids in our future, there's no pressure for us to marry.
BTW my boyfriend's mom married her second husband two years ago and she's 52 years old. His dad is on his third marriage (they are both in their 50's, the second wife passed away).
As far as I can tell, people after the age of 40 date as actively as they want to. The key is to get out there and break out of ones daily routine. Joining different clubs, or volunteering, or getting a second part time job all help in meeting NEW people... but make new friends first and don't put starting a romance the main reason for doing all of this. I've always met great guys to date by NOT looking for romance.
I think that when it's obvious that someone is lonely and searching for their soulmate, and it scares off the potential suitors because they don't want to grabbed at like a life preserver by a drowning person.
Just before I met my current boyfriend, there was a very nice guy about two years older than me that wanted to date me. He thought I was perfect for him, but I didn't feel the magic back. Part of the reason I was put off was that he liked me too much too soon. I do much better in situations where I am good friends first with the guy. I really need to get to know and trust them as a friend first before moving to the next level. After I started dating my boyfriend, he sent me an email wishing me luck and saying that if things didn't work out, he'd like another chance to date me.
If you are 40 and want a wife and kids, unless you are willing to adopt, you may want to try dating women in their early 30's who have loudly ticking biological clocks...
I know a few women and men who are in their 40's and beyond and perfectly happy being single. I think it has a lot to do with their own parents failed marriages, then seeing friends over the years go through the same things and I think mentally you just get to a point where you say screw it! I'm staying single! LOL But, my friends are happy and have no regrets and sometimes, their lives are enviable - sometimes but then again, I have a lot to be thankful for and am not single so there ya go.
My wife's brother, who is 57, has never been married! He has had a few somewhat serious relationships, but didn't lead to marriage. He seems to be very happy continuing to be single. However, he does live in a different State than the rest of the family, doesn't communicate with the family that much, so none of us REALLY knows what he has going on there. Wife and I do know that he knows how his other sister (my wife's sister) gets along with her husband after many, many years of marriage.......not that good! No abuse, she just doesn't like being around her husband that much. Anyway, dear old "bro" (as I call him), seems to be doing fine without being married or even having a girlfriend. As for me, I spent 22 years being single (between one divorce and my wife now) and basically hated all 22 years of being single.
My statement to the "single or marriage" thing is this: "Some people are single and shouldn't be, while others are married and shouldn't be!"
I work with special needs students, and that does eat up a great deal of my time..As my 3 siblings are happily married and have 2 kids each, Christmas at thier respective homes is pure magic, wheras at my place; being the lone bachelor of the family, seems a bit empty... I bought some goldfish, that helps a bit..
Get a cute dog... women are attracted to friendly little dogs. Walking a dog can be a great ice breaker. If you don't have the time to own a dog, volunteer at an animal shelter instead.
Priorities do change with time for some people, I wanted to get married young so at 21 I did but I never wanted to have kids. I changed my mind at 30 and after a conversation with my wife discovered she was thinking along the same lines too so we now have 3 boys.
I never really considered marriage a life altering change, I was never lonely being single so the only thing that changed for me was commitment to one women and sharing a goal which really didn't change much. Waiting to have kids allowed us our selfish time and our kids are much better off for it now.
I'm sure a like minded women is out there and see no reason why a 40 year old young man couldn't share some great years together.
No offense but I find a lot of people single at 40 have done so for a reason. There are some exceptions.
I know a girl at work close to that age that is attractive but a train wreck in all other aspects. She only dates guys that are basically *HOT* and there is no way they are going to keep her around for anything but fun longterm. She is never getting married but doesn't realize this.
Last gal I dated was similar. Checklist of exclusions a mile long....she had a built in minefield. We were just activity partners really as we already had deal breakers on the table. It took me about 3 weeks to finally trip one of her mines (don't know what it was, don't really care) we parted friendly but that gal is never getting married. Ever. I never would have kept dating her if the deal breakers hadn't already been on the table and it was just activity stuff.
I have another date upcoming with a hyper-professional type....39 never married. We are just talking activity partner (works for me) as she is basically looking for absolute Mr. Perfect and he is out of her league. I think she is likely emotionally immature.
My co-worker told me that people that get older without kids, spouse etc. are often incapable of developing that true love sacrificing relationship and as such can't get over problems that will arise in any relationship. Basically, first problem that comes up is the end of the relationship.
Priorities do change with time for some people, I wanted to get married young so at 21 I did but I never wanted to have kids...
This sounds really strange to me, Rcm. Why would a guy want to be married at 21 if he doesn't want kids...?
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