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City-Data ladies, would you please share what it was like when you dated - and if applicable, married - men who made less money than you?
Whether it was a disaster, a love story you never thought possible, or a stable but at times boring situation, I'd love to know.
Whether you were a doctor, lawyer, accountant, manager at some company - and he had a less impressive job and income - what was it like when you first started dating? Did his "humbler" socioeconomic status dampen whatever appeal or attraction there was?
Any suggestions, caveats, warnings to this man seeking his special lady?
Does love really overcome all things? Even a disparity in income?
From the point of view of marriage:
My husband and I have exactly the same education and experience (we met in college, we were project buddies). In the beginning of our marriage he made more than I did, but after a couple of years I ended up making more than he did. But since he opted out of the corporate world last year to start his own business he now only makes a fraction of what I bring home.
It has not been an issue. It was not an issue before (when he made considerable more than I did) and its not an issue now that I'm the main breadwinner. We are a team and I know that eventualy he is going to be successful.
When you are married it should not matter who makes more than who, it is not my money but our money. It all goes to the same pool.
Now I do not know how the situation works out when you are dating. We married about 18 months after college so we were both starting our careers back then, we did not care how much we were making we were just excited that at least we had jobs.
I did in fact date someone briefly who made less than I did and to be honest for me it was difficult. I felt like I was constantly picking up the tab and it made it very difficult. I think that it can work but there has to be a mutual agreement and respect for each other that hey, I'm making more money but that doesnt' mean you can spend it all.
I make more than my husband but while he had a problem with it at 1st, it doesn't bother him now. He even says now that he wants me to make even more so he can retire early.
It really depends more on the guy than the situation, I think. My last ex was unemployed many times and the times he WAS employed, he made significantly less than me. I really didn't mind picking up the tab except that he was a bloodsucking leech. He wanted me to buy him EVERYTHING. He even tried to merge accounts when he moved in (without paying rent!). Yes, I was used. It ended in disaster, with the 26 year old bastard cheating on me with an 18 year old. Sickening.
But my boyfriend now works in a similar position as me but just gets paid less. He's much more self-sufficient and respectful...even picks up the tab more than half the time. Though I make more, we mesh well
I out earned my husband for 18 years. He now out earns me (unfortunately, due to me losing my job and taking a lower paying one not him making more) and he seems much more comfortable with this arrangement. Before, he always wanted to be the one to determine how money would be spent. Like he needed control. Now he's fine with me deciding how it's spent.
Yes the man in question is me. But I'm not unemployed; I've not been unexployed for nearly a decade.
EDIT: I am a white-collar worker.
I do not make rivers of money; I live a middle-class lifestyle. I travel 1-2 times a year (often abroad), bought an apartment 1 year ago (excellent credit), and have a new car (down payment was about 30% of vehicle's price). I have a steady job, some retirement savings, and enough cash in the bank to last me six months if I lost my job.
I would probably feel uncomfortable with a woman who made 200k a year, but I don't meet such women.
If the wife would make more than me, I would quit my job and let her support me for a full year. So she could get a taste of what it's like.
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