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So I'm going to my friend's wedding tomorrow evening. I've known her since high school and we kind of drifted apart after graduation. She looked me up when she moved to my city after college. We hadn't spoken in about 5 years. Our friendship has always been one of convenience. For her. She'd hang out as long as nothing better or exciting. She's fun to hang out with, so no big deal. Well, I got married last year and she attended my wedding because we'd been hanging out ever since she'd moved to town. She didn't bring a gift or a card. I didn't even realize until I was writing thank yous a couple months later. It really didn't bother me until I received her invitation in the mail a couple months ago with wedding registry cards in it. Should I buy her a gift? I'm only attending the ceremony because my husband can't make it and I really don't want to go alone and see a bunch of people I went to high school with. I believe the ceremony is the most important part anyway. I highly doubt I'll ever see her after the wedding because she's moving out of state to be with her new hubby. Should I buy a gift? Please justify your answer.
Yes you should go & bring a gift. At the very least, doing so should bring you some small measure of satisfaction that you are not the cretin she is. Be the bigger person. However, I would not get her something she's registered for. Get her & her husband-to-be something very affordable, but very appropriate to your friendship with her.
My suggestion, if she celebrates, is to get them a Christmas ornament. 10 to 50 bucks, depending on how elaborate you want to be. She'll either think of you fondly every year she hangs it on the tree; or she won't remember where the devil it came from!!! One of my favorite things is decorating the Christmas tree every year & how almost every ornament comes with a special memory...
Not bringing a gift, IMO, won't make you feel any sort of justification....it'll just make you feel....devoid of any good will toward her? In which case, why go to the wedding at all?
If you don't want to get her a gift, then don't. It's not even a tit for tat thing. If the desire to give a gift isn't there, then don't incur bad karma by false gift giving. Wow. That was an odd sentence. I'm sure someone else can say that a lot better. Now, if you feel it's just rotten to not bring a gift, then maybe you can give them a gift certificate. Those are pretty easy to come by.
Honestly, in your shoes I'd bring a gift. I'm just a sucker for tradition sometimes.
Last edited by fjtee; 10-31-2008 at 10:13 PM..
Reason: submitted too soon
If you feel it is a relationship of convenience, why are you going at all? It sounds like you are both playing games...if you go, go for the right intentions...because you are happy for her and you are wishing her a lifetime of happiness...this is not the time for egos to be dictating the terms of engagment.
Yes you should go & bring a gift. At the very least, doing so should bring you some small measure of satisfaction that you are not the cretin she is. Be the bigger person. However, I would not get her something she's registered for. Get her & her husband-to-be something very affordable, but very appropriate to your friendship with her.
My suggestion, if she celebrates, is to get them a Christmas ornament. 10 to 50 bucks, depending on how elaborate you want to be. She'll either think of you fondly every year she hangs it on the tree; or she won't remember where the devil it came from!!! One of my favorite things is decorating the Christmas tree every year & how almost every ornament comes with a special memory...
Not bringing a gift, IMO, won't make you feel any sort of justification....it'll just make you feel....devoid of any good will toward her? In which case, why go to the wedding at all?
This is not what my version of friendship is......sooooo! You don't even sound like you want to go,nor does she deserve your gift anyway.Let it go,and move on.
I agree, do not go because you feel obligated to. Only go if you want to.
But, if you go, you should bring a gift. Just because she was tacky enough not to bring one to your wedding, does not mean you should stoop to her level.
Really, this is why I had a small wedding in Mexico. If I didn't see or talk to you every week or so, you weren't invited
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