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There are so many options nowadays for people and they don't have to stay in a marriage if they don't want to. Not as much of a need to compromise and accept each other. Lack of respect, unwillingness to be bossed around.
A co-worker of mine told me that his brother's ex-wife left him because he always refused to eat her vagina during sex and so she could no longer take it anymore. So she basically filed for divorce because she wasn't satisfied with the sex life. He said that his brother was only 23 and his ex-wife was only 20 at the time that they got married and that the marriage only lasted 17 months. So marrying very young sometimes is a recipe for disaster.
again on topic women file most of the divorces they do it for the money.
oh yes divorce did in fact skyrocket after 1974 and the divorce in other countries is not the topic.
happy to provide links to support what i say. you say men and women lose in a divorce yes in the cosmic sense yes, you are right but women walk away with cash settlements and men dont. everything is not split 50/50 they "negotiate a settlement" translation, the guy pays. your argument to explain 56% divorce rate as normal and appopriate is ambitious at best. i do not hold women at fault for guarding their own financial interests but men have been incrediblly naive regarding the legal realities of 21st century marriage.
First of all, the divorce rate is not 56% -- it's more like 46%; and the divorce rate has been declining slowly but steadily since the 1980's. I have no doubt you will provide links -- just as I can provide links to prove that the Earth is flat. (See, http://www.alaska.net/~clund/e_djublonskopf/Flatearthsociety.htm) Second, divorce rates in other countries ARE relevant, because they help to explain the prevalence of divorce in general, out of the vacuum. For example, if rich countries have higher divorce rates than poor countries, then it's a good bet the prevalence of divorce has something to do with the standard of living. But of course, if you are determined to chalk up divorce to women's greed and reject all other explanations, then it's understandable why you would want to ignore other countries' trends. Third, divorce laws in this country are gender-neutral and both parties are free to negotiate to their best interest. In fact, the party that has the most cash to begin with (which, in your view, is the husband) actually has a better position to negotiate from, because that party can spend more on litigation and force concessions from the other through sheer attrition. (I would draw your attention to the fact that contingency fees are illegal in divorce proceedings.) It is a sweeping generalization and completely untrue that all women walk away with a "cash settlement" -- I walked away with debt from my divorce, while my ex kept all our assets; and there are plenty of women even on this forum who got totally screwed in their divorces. If you actually worked in the industry, instead of reading inflammatory and one-sided blogs, you'd know how far from reality your statements are. A woman will always make out a lot better financially being single and career-oriented, as opposed to becoming a divorced single parent. I understand it and all other women (at least those who have the minimal intelligence to look out for their financial interests) understand it. As for why women file for divorce more frequently than men -- it's the same reason why men propose marriage more often than women. There is a social convention, in which one side applies the pressure and the other does the plunge. It's as simple as that.
Finally, as a lawyer, a woman, and a one-time divorcee, I have the following advice to give to those wary of the dangers of divorce: No lawyer and no prenuptial agreement will compensate for the lack of trust in your relationship. It simply isn't what the law is about. No lawyer and no agreement will ensure an amicable divorce, to say nothing of preventing it. It is not an attorney's job to construct a happy marriage for you -- and there is no way an attorney (or anyone else, really) can do it. If your intended is a venal gold-digger who does not give a fig about you and is only after your money, a prenuptial agreement or an offshore bank account will not suddenly turn her into a fairy tale princess with a heart of gold. And why would you want to marry someone like that, even with a prenup? There is a cheap and easy alternative to most prenups: stay single. If you don't trust your fiance -- don't get married. If you harbor a grudge against the opposite sex -- don't get married. If you think the only reason someone would sleep with you, make a life with you, and have children with you, is to take your 50-inch TV -- don't get married. If you believe that anything your spouse, or prospective spouse, says to you or does for you, is devoid of any sincerity and is all pretense and part of some plot to get your money -- don't get married. You'll be doing yourself and whoever you don't marry a huge favor by staying single. For many people, remaining alone (or at least not married) is really the best option.
First of all, the divorce rate is not 56% -- it's more like 46%; and the divorce rate has been declining slowly but steadily since the 1980's. I have no doubt you will provide links -- just as I can provide links to prove that the Earth is flat. (See, http://www.alaska.net/~clund/e_djublonskopf/Flatearthsociety.htm) Second, divorce rates in other countries ARE relevant, because they help to explain the prevalence of divorce in general, out of the vacuum. For example, if rich countries have higher divorce rates than poor countries, then it's a good bet the prevalence of divorce has something to do with the standard of living. But of course, if you are determined to chalk up divorce to women's greed and reject all other explanations, then it's understandable why you would want to ignore other countries' trends. Third, divorce laws in this country are gender-neutral and both parties are free to negotiate to their best interest. In fact, the party that has the most cash to begin with (which, in your view, is the husband) actually has a better position to negotiate from, because that party can spend more on litigation and force concessions from the other through sheer attrition. (I would draw your attention to the fact that contingency fees are illegal in divorce proceedings.) It is a sweeping generalization and completely untrue that all women walk away with a "cash settlement" -- I walked away with debt from my divorce, while my ex kept all our assets; and there are plenty of women even on this forum who got totally screwed in their divorces. If you actually worked in the industry, instead of reading inflammatory and one-sided blogs, you'd know how far from reality your statements are. A woman will always make out a lot better financially being single and career-oriented, as opposed to becoming a divorced single parent. I understand it and all other women (at least those who have the minimal intelligence to look out for their financial interests) understand it. As for why women file for divorce more frequently than men -- it's the same reason why men propose marriage more often than women. There is a social convention, in which one side applies the pressure and the other does the plunge. It's as simple as that.
Finally, as a lawyer, a woman, and a one-time divorcee, I have the following advice to give to those wary of the dangers of divorce: No lawyer and no prenuptial agreement will compensate for the lack of trust in your relationship. It simply isn't what the law is about. No lawyer and no agreement will ensure an amicable divorce, to say nothing of preventing it. It is not an attorney's job to construct a happy marriage for you -- and there is no way an attorney (or anyone else, really) can do it. If your intended is a venal gold-digger who does not give a fig about you and is only after your money, a prenuptial agreement or an offshore bank account will not suddenly turn her into a fairy tale princess with a heart of gold. And why would you want to marry someone like that, even with a prenup? There is a cheap and easy alternative to most prenups: stay single. If you don't trust your fiance -- don't get married. If you harbor a grudge against the opposite sex -- don't get married. If you think the only reason someone would sleep with you, make a life with you, and have children with you, is to take your 50-inch TV -- don't get married. If you believe that anything your spouse, or prospective spouse, says to you or does for you, is devoid of any sincerity and is all pretense and part of some plot to get your money -- don't get married. You'll be doing yourself and whoever you don't marry a huge favor by staying single. For many people, remaining alone (or at least not married) is really the best option.
you say that 46% is normal and appopriate for marriage failure??? you provided a link that shows the world is flat?? congratulations on being an attorney. however i am having trouble with your assertion that overall women do not benefit financially from divorce. i know another female divorce lawyer, she does not say that. most divorces are about money. why are most of the divorces filed by women? i think i know. we do agree on one thing, staying single will avoid a whole lota trouble but then again there is money in trouble, and probably not everybody is cut out to be a lawyer.
Because they are lazy. No one seems to have values and morals anymore and it would seem that not many people believe in the sanctity of marriage anymore. Why should they? Society portrays marriage is just something you should do and doesn't any longer make it to be a very important decision that should affect the rest of your life. These days, people marry after knowing each other about 3 hours and then wonder why they don't get along the following week. Stupidity, immaturity, naivety all play a role.
you say that 46% is normal and appopriate for marriage failure???
I don't know if it's "normal". I don't know if it's "not normal", either. And I think the idea of what is a "normal" divorce rate is totally arbitrary. Also, I don't think divorce alone reflects "marriage failure". We can outlaw divorce and that will give us a zero divorce rate -- but that won't mean that all marriages suddenly became happy at the waive of the legislature's magic wand. By the way, I am not only a lawyer -- before I went to law school, I studied medieval and Renaissance literature, a lot of which is, incidentally, about marriage. Divorces were exceedingly rare then, and marriages really were predominantly about money -- yet my impression is that the rate of "marriage failure" was a lot greater then than it is now.
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Originally Posted by Huckleberry3911948
you provided a link that shows the world is flat??
I provided that link to show you that even the most outrageous statement can be backed up with some link.
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Originally Posted by Huckleberry3911948
i am having trouble with your assertion that overall women do not benefit financially from divorce.
I imagined you would, but it's the truth -- staying single and pursuing a career is much more lucrative for a woman than getting married then getting divorced. Unless she marries a very, very wealthy man (look, I understand every guy on an Internet forum is a Fortune 500 CEO with a Maserati and a 19-inch ... whatever, here come the forum rules, but in real life, there are very few of those guys), PLUS somehow manages to outlawyer him -- no child support or alimony will every equal a six-figure salary untainted by the burdens of being married to someone odious.
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Originally Posted by Huckleberry3911948
i know another female divorce lawyer, she does not say that.
And I know plenty of divorce lawyers, male and female, who do say that, so what of it?
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Originally Posted by Huckleberry3911948
most divorces are about money.
Legally, yes -- as they always have been. What are they supposed to be about? The marriage is over. The spouses are living apart. All that remains is to divide the property. Attorneys aren't meant to be marriage counselors or psychotherapists.
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Originally Posted by Huckleberry3911948
why are most of the divorces filed by women? i think i know.
So do I. Women more than men need closure. Men are more likely content simply to live apart, or to treat their partner like crap, or to ignore the partner who treats them like crap, rather than go through the headache of formally dissolving the partnership -- just like men are more likely content simply living together than formally getting married. The fact that women file more often does not mean that women are more often at fault for the breakdown of the marriage -- in fact, it does not even indicate that women are generally the first ones to consult an attorney or to sever marital relations.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Huckleberry3911948
we do agree on one thing, staying single will avoid a whole lota trouble but then again there is money in trouble, and probably not everybody is cut out to be a lawyer.
Being single has nothing to do with being a lawyer. It's very simple: don't marry someone who, you believe, has ulterior motives. If you believe all women have ulterior motives, don't marry at all. It will be good for you and for the woman that would have otherwise been your wife. From the purely financial standpoint, women fare better single and childless, anyway -- it doesn't take a law degree to figure that one out.
why do people seem to get divorced over the simplest things now?"
Ask my stbx. I still dont know why he filed for divorce, but everyone keep your fingers crossed that it will be final Friday!
I filed for divorce from dh1 due to his alcoholism, violence and infidelity. I was determined not to divorce dh2 and tried everything I could to make it work and he filed without warning.
I can't speak for all divorces but I do see many marriages fail simple because of lack of effort. My first wife ask for divorce simply because she wanted to try something else. She refused to put any type of effort into the marriage. In the end it all boiled down to her mother nor her aunts had never been married. Her brother and sister or both in their mid 40's and have never been married. She simply had no concept of what marriage was. The kicker is that she wanted us to do the samethings we as a married couple after the break up. She seemed shocked when I moved on. I know many women who got divorced just because they felt they could do better. I know very view of them that left because there spouse was a cheater or liar.
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