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In another thread, we were discussing dating and the subject of dating and celibacy came up. Because men will lie and pretend they want a relationship in order to get to sex, I have decided not to allow the relationship to become sexual unless he commits. He doesn't have to propose but he has to let me know he wants more than sex. I'm concerned about how un-datable I'm making myself by doing this. (not concerned enough to change my mind, but concerned) Opinion, guys?
My reasoning is that at my age I am looking to settle down and get married (on the flip side, celibacy probably works better when you're in your 30's or so..) I would not want to be in what would seem to be a one-sided relationship that has someone jumping through hoops... That to me sounds kind of selfish. The point of a relationship is to have a partnership and work together, and if you tell someone from the start that you participate in celibacy - that immediately signals that you are either paranoid, or just got off a bad relationship, in which case it would be difficult to fit anyone new into your life anyways. Although, if the guy you're with sticks around after you say that, I would say that is enough of an indication.
I don't want to sound harsh, but usually you can tell when a guy is only after sex. Now if you just really really don't want to have sex until you were absolutely positive you were getting married - that is understandable. But just doing it to protect yourself might significantly reduce your dating options among men.. Either way, be sure to talk about it, and I'm sure any caring guy would understand
I don't want to wait until marriage, just until I know he isn't biding time to have sex. I don't want him to jump through hoops, just do everything that couples do while dating except have sex right away.
I hear you. You want a genuine relationship. Sincere and respectful to the core. Half of the marriages today don't even have that.
Quote:
Originally Posted by CESpeed
I don't want to wait until marriage, just until I know he isn't biding time to have sex. I don't want him to jump through hoops, just do everything that couples do while dating except have sex right away.
I don't want to wait until marriage, just until I know he isn't biding time to have sex. I don't want him to jump through hoops, just do everything that couples do while dating except have sex right away.
That sounds reasonable, the poll options seemed a little limited. If you could have added a couple more.
I consider myself a reasonable and patient dude, not just looking to get a quick...hmm
I would like to think that the celibacy wasn't forever.
I don't want to wait until marriage, just until I know he isn't biding time to have sex. I don't want him to jump through hoops, just do everything that couples do while dating except have sex right away.
Well then, that makes you normal! I'm sure that just about every woman feels this way about it, but most don't go as far as celibacy. It is rare that couples have sex right away .. When I first started dating in college sometimes a month or two would pass before we decided to have sex.. Sometimes even longer.
You've got to decide for yourself if a guy is in for the long run. Usually you can figure it out if they aren't...
CES dear, dating is tough work. I sympathize and can relate. I rarely date or crave sex it just isn't worth being burned over.
If somebody respectable and reliable and sincere comes along and he is easy going and willing to date then I'll try it again but I've never met anybody like that yet
Good luck to you
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