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Old 11-22-2008, 06:39 AM
 
Location: Grosse Ile Michigan
29,759 posts, read 72,559,550 times
Reputation: 37227

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I have posted a couple of times about getting slapped for opening a door for a woman when I was entering an office building. She called me a chauvinist pig and smacked me hard. That was really shocking to me. I have always believed that a gentleman should be a gentleman and have instilled that belief in my sons as best I can.

To me a man should always:

Open doors
Hold elevators
Open car doors
Warm up the car
Pick up women at the entrance of a building
Pay the bill
control his language.
Never ogle other women
offer his arm.
Hold the umbrella (or his jacket/coat if there is no umbrella)
Walk beside and never in front.
Offer his coat or gloves if it is cold and she is underdressed.
Sit with his back to the window (give her the view).


There are probably a few hundred other things I am missing.

This applies whether the woman your are with is a girlfriend, wife, daughter, friend, or a complete stranger.

Do many women actually find such behavious offensive? To me a man who acts otherwise is not a man at all. certainly not a gentleman, but it seems that I may be in the mminority.
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Old 11-22-2008, 06:44 AM
 
Location: Lansing, MI
2,948 posts, read 6,651,632 times
Reputation: 3264
While I am used to paying my half of the bill and being independent, I do appreciate of a guy does any of the above items. It goes beyond chivalry and more into common courtesy / thoughtfulness. Similar to holding the door for a perfect stranger when coming in and out of a store. What comes around goes around, and I like good karma.
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Old 11-22-2008, 06:48 AM
 
Location: Henderson, NV
7,088 posts, read 7,702,155 times
Reputation: 9978
Quote:
Originally Posted by chance2jump View Post
While I am used to paying my half of the bill and being independent, I do appreciate of a guy does any of the above items. It goes beyond chivalry and more into common courtesy / thoughtfulness. Similar to holding the door for a perfect stranger when coming in and out of a store. What comes around goes around, and I like good karma.
Yeah how is this something you do for girls? I mean I would think a guy is a total douche if he holds the door for a girl, then if a guy is walking up he lets it slam in his face. That's just rude. I will hold the door for anyone, because it's common courtesy. And if someone is carrying something heavy especially I'll wait and hold it open for them because I appreciate when people do that for me. Same goes with a lot of these so-called chivalrous things. It's just common decency. I'll do it for a girl, but not because she's a girl, because she's a person and I think it's nice to be courteous to people in general when it basically costs you no effort in these situations to do so.

The whole paying a girl's bill all of the time, though, that's not really how it works anymore. That made sense when girls weren't working and making plenty of money on their own I suppose, but now it's just annoying if she will never pay her half. I don't even care frankly if I pay 75 to 80% of the time, it doesn't bother me, but SOMETIMES I'd like her to pay and show that she isn't just using me, haha.

If a girl slapped me in a situation like you just reported, I would probably call the police and file an assault charge. Since I don't believe in hitting women back, even though it would certainly be justified in that situation, I would at least inconvenience her as much as possible.
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Old 11-22-2008, 07:01 AM
 
Location: Grosse Ile Michigan
29,759 posts, read 72,559,550 times
Reputation: 37227
Quote:
Originally Posted by JonathanLB View Post
Yeah how is this something you do for girls? I mean I would think a guy is a total douche if he holds the door for a girl, then if a guy is walking up he lets it slam in his face. That's just rude. I will hold the door for anyone, because it's common courtesy. And if someone is carrying something heavy especially I'll wait and hold it open for them because I appreciate when people do that for me. Same goes with a lot of these so-called chivalrous things. It's just common decency. I'll do it for a girl, but not because she's a girl, because she's a person and I think it's nice to be courteous to people in general when it basically costs you no effort in these situations to do so.

The whole paying a girl's bill all of the time, though, that's not really how it works anymore. That made sense when girls weren't working and making plenty of money on their own I suppose, but now it's just annoying if she will never pay her half. I don't even care frankly if I pay 75 to 80% of the time, it doesn't bother me, but SOMETIMES I'd like her to pay and show that she isn't just using me, haha.

If a girl slapped me in a situation like you just reported, I would probably call the police and file an assault charge. Since I don't believe in hitting women back, even though it would certainly be justified in that situation, I would at least inconvenience her as much as possible.

Holding a door is one thing. I would do that for anyone. However if I were to run around to the passenger side and open the car door for a buddy, I think it would not be well received. Nor am I likely to take off my suit coat and offer it to a guy when it is chilly outside.

You reminded me. never hitting a woman is another one. that is hard to instill in sons. They have sisters, sisters are annoying.

I did not call the police. Instead I ran ahead of her and held the elevator door for her. She glared daggers all the way up to the 34th floor. I think that she was going to get off at 21, but stayed on just to glare at me. I just grinned (as much as I could with a stinging cheek)
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Old 11-22-2008, 07:02 AM
 
9,904 posts, read 13,203,501 times
Reputation: 7328
Offensive is the behaviour of the woman that slapped you!

I would find none of the things on your list offensive and consider them common courtesy, all of which I'm more than happy to reciprocate for anybody, male or female, young or old.

Although, like chance2jump, I pay my own way.
So buying my meals is simply not necessary and I'd prefer we went 50/50 UNLESS I asked you out on the date in which case I would get the tab.
OR if you insist on paying please be gracious and accept that I will be paying next time.
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Old 11-22-2008, 07:03 AM
 
Location: Austintown, OH
4,065 posts, read 7,357,807 times
Reputation: 4918
I would have, 1000000% called the cops, just to be an ass
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Old 11-22-2008, 07:08 AM
 
42 posts, read 136,038 times
Reputation: 18
Quote:
Originally Posted by chance2jump View Post
While I am used to paying my half of the bill and being independent, I do appreciate of a guy does any of the above items. It goes beyond chivalry and more into common courtesy / thoughtfulness. Similar to holding the door for a perfect stranger when coming in and out of a store. What comes around goes around, and I like good karma.
Amen! I even hold the door for a guy if he's behind me when walking into a store or building. I think it's all about politeness and good morals to do anything, regardless of man or woman.
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Old 11-22-2008, 07:36 AM
 
Location: Henderson, NV
7,088 posts, read 7,702,155 times
Reputation: 9978
Haha, a certain someone repped me with a comment, so I will say that of course on a first date I don't mind paying for a girl I just think if we're boyfriend-girlfriend, it's only fair that she pay sometimes. I'm ok with unequal distribution because at my age, a lot of girls (and people in general) don't have much spare cash, whereas I can afford $20 here, $40 there, without even noticing really, so I'd rather pay a bit more than have her feel she just lost 5 hours wages for going out to a bar, haha.

Yeah the opening car doors thing, I won't do that for girls usually. I just figure that's pretty simple, if she drives, she knows how to open a car door. That seems a bit too old-fashioned for me. I'll walk a girl to her car if she's parked a bit away, especially at night, but open the car door for her so she can get in? Girls have enough of a princess mentality in today's world without that
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Old 11-22-2008, 07:41 AM
 
24,841 posts, read 35,337,431 times
Reputation: 11519
Quote:
Originally Posted by Coldjensens View Post
I have posted a couple of times about getting slapped for opening a door for a woman when I was entering an office building. She called me a chauvinist pig and smacked me hard. That was really shocking to me. I have always believed that a gentleman should be a gentleman and have instilled that belief in my sons as best I can.

To me a man should always:

Open doors
Hold elevators
Open car doors
Warm up the car
Pick up women at the entrance of a building
Pay the bill
control his language.
Never ogle other women
offer his arm.
Hold the umbrella (or his jacket/coat if there is no umbrella)
Walk beside and never in front.
Offer his coat or gloves if it is cold and she is underdressed.
Sit with his back to the window (give her the view).


There are probably a few hundred other things I am missing.

This applies whether the woman your are with is a girlfriend, wife, daughter, friend, or a complete stranger.

Do many women actually find such behavious offensive? To me a man who acts otherwise is not a man at all. certainly not a gentleman, but it seems that I may be in the mminority.
I would appreciate all of the above. Not be offended!!!!
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Old 11-22-2008, 07:45 AM
 
9,904 posts, read 13,203,501 times
Reputation: 7328
I open my car doors for people if I'm driving them.
Male or female.
I walk around to the passenger seat and unlock the door and open it so they can get in and then I close it for them. It's not that difficult to do and I like knowing my passenger is safely in the vehicle.
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