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I was with a guy for 5 years and we got married May of 07, we seperated in Oct of 07 after a huge fight. I relocated to the South, and he to the Midwest. We talked on and off for the last year, and now we talk on a regular basis without fighting - the only thing we fight over is not seeing each other. I want to see him - he says he doesnt want to see me. He says he needs a divorce for clarity, and then we would work on getting back together. Last month he started seeing other people. I have asked him numerous times to fly out there for a weekend, and he constantly tells me no, he doesn't want to see me, that we can see each other after the divorce. He says I am forcing him to do something he doesnt want to do by seeing him.
The distance and lack of communication has forced us to grow apart.
I don't know what to do, should I just fly out there and show up and see what happens? Whenever I ask to visit he constantly buys time in one and two month increments.
I know how stupid and dumb this sounds, but it's been a year and I am not hurting or missing him any less.
Why do you want to get back together with him? It's very hard to love a person who doesn't love you back. It's a recipe for heartbreak. Do you really want to set yourself up for that?
I was with a guy for 5 years and we got married May of 07, we seperated in Oct of 07 after a huge fight. I relocated to the South, and he to the Midwest. We talked on and off for the last year, and now we talk on a regular basis without fighting - the only thing we fight over is not seeing each other. I want to see him - he says he doesnt want to see me. He says he needs a divorce for clarity, and then we would work on getting back together. Last month he started seeing other people. I have asked him numerous times to fly out there for a weekend, and he constantly tells me no, he doesn't want to see me, that we can see each other after the divorce. He says I am forcing him to do something he doesnt want to do by seeing him.
The distance and lack of communication has forced us to grow apart.
I don't know what to do, should I just fly out there and show up and see what happens? Whenever I ask to visit he constantly buys time in one and two month increments.
I know how stupid and dumb this sounds, but it's been a year and I am not hurting or missing him any less.
Sounds like he has moved on though....it must be hard and i'm sorry you have to go through this but don't you think you deserve to be with somone who actually wants to be with you? Of course it will hurt for a while.....but anything beats forcing somone to be with you......right?
This doesn`t make any sense. Why would he agree to see you, AFTER the divorce is final? That tells me right there, that this so called relationship/marriage is not worth fighting for, in his eyes anyway.
I would tell him to have a good life. You will send him a pic of you in about 3 years.
What happend was I accecpted a job transfer from Cali to Ohio, he moved with me, a year later I was offered a transfer to Florida, we decided to go. About couple of months before the move he said he changed his mind and he didn't want to go. I said we would give it a chance. I moved to Florida in August 07, he stayed at his job in Ohio until Oct 07. 2 days after he got to Florida we has a big ass fight and he left, to his sisters in Nashville. When he got there he told me to move to Nashville with him, that he didnt want to live in Florida and I didn't listen to him. I didn't move to Nashville, I thought he would change his mind. He has since said I didn't care about what he wanted, and that he's never been mad at me before, this was the first time.
He took a job in Kansas City last June, and now lives there.
I hear what you are all saying, but I'm the only one who has lived in our relationship, and I want to know how to repair it. In the year hes been gone I don't feel any different, and even when we were talking, then not talking and fighting I never ever thought that we wouldnt be together in the end. I can't imagine my life without him and I cry every single day.
We were never able to work things about because we both picked up and left, and now since we are communicating I think it's our chance.
He's said he him seeing people is nothing serious, it's only been a month since he's started to do so, and he has no intentions of getting serious with anyone. He said I gave him the best 5 years of his life, and he will never get married again
And he wants the divorce because he said we never had any problems the whole time we were together, only when we got married. It was just the timing of events that has him associate getting married with our problems.
Ok. So, you want to get your marriage back? Then you need to make him chase you a little here. Stop being so desperate, and pushy.
Make him stop and think. Make him miss you. Let him call you.
The way it sounds right now...he doesn`t want any part of this. It sounds to me, that he just wants out. I mean, he doesn`t want to see you at all, until AFTER the divorce.
Well then, instead of you keep asking him for permission to visit, why not be brave and just drop in on him unannounced? Just do it. And from there, decide if you want to try to keep the marriage together or divorce. Where are your families in all of this mess?
And how old are the two of you?
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