Monogamy

[Doctor Blues]

Originally Posted by crystalblue

Its easy for people to argue for it.

But can you come up with some good reasons against it?

Yes, and more than one.

According to scientists there is a "cheater's gene". If you have inherited that from both parents (it's recessive) there is no way you can actually live a life of monogamy. (42% of all people have at least one gene). To ask someone like that to remain monogamous would be like asking a devoutly religious person to get divorced ten times in their life against their beliefs.

Besides, we live too long. Back in the day we would meet someone, have two kids, then a Sabre Tooth Tiger ate us for lunch - no opportunity to fool around, get tired of the spouse, etc.

But in this day and age, who can stay perfectly content with the same person for 55 years (assuming you marry at 25). You don't mean to tell me that there is ONLY ONE person on the face of this earth out of the 1.5 billion people of marriagable age of the opposite sex that won the contest, that NOBODY else could replace them or even come close in the "rankings"? Or that nobody ever changes? (They marry a flashy person at 25 then they themself grow up and by the time they hit 45 they desire someone with more depth of character). The divorce rate is 50% PRECISELY because life-long monogamy is not biologically normal.

Another reason is, quite frankly folks (and here I have no argument with religious people, I am religious myself) the purpose of monogamy (raising families) is pretty much done for the general populace as a whole; we have "gone forth and multiplied", i.e., we are seriously over-populated. This means that in effect people do not really have to be making all that many babies to keep our species going. This means that for all practical purposes sex in the future is for pleasure/emotional bonding not for starting families. This means that relationships are re-defined, there is no "correct" relationship, no correct "view of monogamy", there are no standards except not hurting someone else emotionally and not getting/spreading STDs.

Some people feel threatened with a lack of monogamy (whether in their own lives or in society in general) and for those people: they should stay monogamous. Nothing wrong with that.

But monogamy is an artificial construct chiefly invented in the beginning of the age of animal husbandry (herd cultures) so that men could know that they were the father of certain children; otherwise, why should they share precious food with someone not of their own blood, i.e. survival of their onw DNA (I'm referring to ancient times when famines were a regular occurrence and crop control was done by Shaman invocations rather than science.) Remember that thru most of history monogamy implied the man owned the woman, like chattel. It wasn't too long ago that women could not vote, that a man could (and still can in Texas) find his wife in bed with another man, kill them both, and not even be charged with a crime let alone booked for one. But if SHE killed HIM (back in the day), she was going to get the book thrown at her.

In my case not remaining monogamous after the death of a spouse due to brain cancer was a necessity.

It's still possible that someone can rock my world so much I won't want to even look, but the probability argues against that. And I'm someone who not only believes in, but who has met his "soulmate". And I do not do casual sex either. But I am in favor of it for folks who wish to not be monogamous (providing they don't cheat).

I think we as a society can be generous enough to let each person decide what's right. I think what we are witnessing is a grand shift away from it (to the point that in 100 years they will laugh at the whole concept, seeing us beholden to it much as slaves). But perhaps this is an evil development; (I am not God, so I can't know for sure). I don't think it's evil at all. Look at Bonobos and Chimps. We are not that far removed PHYSICALLY; and folks (those of you who are spiritual/believe in God) must admit we are spiritual and physical both, not one or the other. Why should we pretend??? Why would a Loving God punish us for enjoying sexual variety?

[ans57]

Originally Posted by Doctor Blues

Yes, and more than one.

According to scientists there is a "cheater's gene". If you have inherited that from both parents (it's recessive) there is no way you can actually live a life of monogamy. (42% of all people have at least one gene). To ask someone like that to remain monogamous would be like asking a devoutly religious person to get divorced ten times in their life against their beliefs.

Besides, we live too long. Back in the day we would meet someone, have two kids, then a Sabre Tooth Tiger ate us for lunch - no opportunity to fool around, get tired of the spouse, etc.

But in this day and age, who can stay perfectly content with the same person for 55 years (assuming you marry at 25). You don't mean to tell me that there is ONLY ONE person on the face of this earth out of the 1.5 billion people of marriagable age of the opposite sex that won the contest, that NOBODY else could replace them or even come close in the "rankings"? Or that nobody ever changes? (They marry a flashy person at 25 then they themself grow up and by the time they hit 45 they desire someone with more depth of character). The divorce rate is 50% PRECISELY because life-long monogamy is not biologically normal.

Another reason is, quite frankly folks (and here I have no argument with religious people, I am religious myself) the purpose of monogamy (raising families) is pretty much done for the general populace as a whole; we have "gone forth and multiplied", i.e., we are seriously over-populated. This means that in effect people do not really have to be making all that many babies to keep our species going. This means that for all practical purposes sex in the future is for pleasure/emotional bonding not for starting families. This means that relationships are re-defined, there is no "correct" relationship, no correct "view of monogamy", there are no standards except not hurting someone else emotionally and not getting/spreading STDs.

Some people feel threatened with a lack of monogamy (whether in their own lives or in society in general) and for those people: they should stay monogamous. Nothing wrong with that.

But monogamy is an artificial construct chiefly invented in the beginning of the age of animal husbandry (herd cultures) so that men could know that they were the father of certain children; otherwise, why should they share precious food with someone not of their own blood, i.e. survival of their onw DNA (I'm referring to ancient times when famines were a regular occurrence and crop control was done by Shaman invocations rather than science.) Remember that thru most of history monogamy implied the man owned the woman, like chattel. It wasn't too long ago that women could not vote, that a man could (and still can in Texas) find his wife in bed with another man, kill them both, and not even be charged with a crime let alone booked for one. But if SHE killed HIM (back in the day), she was going to get the book thrown at her.

In my case not remaining monogamous after the death of a spouse due to brain cancer was a necessity.

It's still possible that someone can rock my world so much I won't want to even look, but the probability argues against that. And I'm someone who not only believes in, but who has met his "soulmate". And I do not do casual sex either. But I am in favor of it for folks who wish to not be monogamous (providing they don't cheat).

I think we as a society can be generous enough to let each person decide what's right. I think what we are witnessing is a grand shift away from it (to the point that in 100 years they will laugh at the whole concept, seeing us beholden to it much as slaves). But perhaps this is an evil development; (I am not God, so I can't know for sure). I don't think it's evil at all. Look at Bonobos and Chimps. We are not that far removed PHYSICALLY; and folks (those of you who are spiritual/believe in God) must admit we are spiritual and physical both, not one or the other. Why should we pretend??? Why would a Loving God punish us for enjoying sexual variety?

I agree with you. There is nothing wrong with enjoying sexual variety provided you don't do it inside the marriage and wise in choosing a partner. It would be a great betrayal to our marriage if either my husband or I wandered off to search for sexual contentment somewhere else.

As for loooong term marriages...people age and libido wanes to the point where it is no longer the defining factor in a satisfying marriage, spiritual intimacy takes it place.

[purehuman]

Originally Posted by crystalblue

Its easy for people to argue for it.

But can you come up with some good reasons against it?

Not if you're married!

[DentalFloss]

Originally Posted by lovesMountains

It means he doesn't really love you. Time to call it a day with him - you deserve better.

That's not necessarily true. My wife and I are consensually non-monogamous yet we love each other very much. That said, it's not for everyone, and I think the most important thing is that people who want it find others who feel the same, and vice versa.