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Old 12-04-2008, 03:23 PM
 
542 posts, read 1,552,919 times
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My mom called me the night before Thanksgiving to tell me she and my stepfather are splitting up. After 28 years together. Apparently he has had a girlfriend on the side for the last 6 months and my mom is devastated to say the least.

It broke my heart to hear her crying on the phone wondering how she will get through it. It felt odd to be comforting her instead of the other way around. I reminded her she raised three kids after my Dad left when we were still so young, that she is strong.

I am at a loss on what else to do. She lives in NY and I'm here in TX. My sister is in GA and my brother in RI. She feels very alone right now.

I just never saw this coming
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Old 12-04-2008, 03:26 PM
 
Location: Not tied down... maybe later! *rawr*
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Aww.... I'm sorry.

Being so spread out and things, talking to her on the phone every day might be the best you can do for her. be there for her to vent to, talk with.

Perhaps if she has a computer you two could Skype (web cam) a call. Be able to see each other and talk.

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Old 12-04-2008, 03:33 PM
 
Location: Up above the world so high!
45,269 posts, read 89,884,914 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by vukinjo View Post
My mom called me the night before Thanksgiving to tell me she and my stepfather are splitting up. After 28 years together. Apparently he has had a girlfriend on the side for the last 6 months and my mom is devastated to say the least.

It broke my heart to hear her crying on the phone wondering how she will get through it. It felt odd to be comforting her instead of the other way around. I reminded her she raised three kids after my Dad left when we were still so young, that she is strong.

I am at a loss on what else to do. She lives in NY and I'm here in TX. My sister is in GA and my brother in RI. She feels very alone right now.

I just never saw this coming

What a shock and a disappointment for you all

Is she sure this is the end though? Has he refused to give up the girlfriend or go to counseling? Men at his age sometimes do stupid things when they see age creeping in and want to prove they are still "manly". Maybe he just made a horrible mistake and they can work it out?
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Old 12-04-2008, 03:37 PM
 
542 posts, read 1,552,919 times
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Originally Posted by lovesMountains View Post
What a shock and a disappointment for you all

Is she sure this is the end though? Has he refused to give up the girlfriend or go to couseling? Men at his age sometimes do stupid things when they see age creeping in and want to prove they are still "manly". Maybe he just made a horrible mistake and they can work it out?
I wish that were the case, but he told her he just didn't love her any more. He already got an apartment I guess. I am just in shock. I know they aren't particularly old (57) but still...to have a girl on the side?

That is a long time to be with someone and I know it must be so hard for her. He has been with my Mom since I was in like 2nd grade. I haven't even told my kids yet. I don't know how to.
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Old 12-04-2008, 03:43 PM
 
Location: Up above the world so high!
45,269 posts, read 89,884,914 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by vukinjo View Post
I wish that were the case, but he told her he just didn't love her any more. He already got an apartment I guess. I am just in shock. I know they aren't particularly old (57) but still...to have a girl on the side?

That is a long time to be with someone and I know it must be so hard for her. He has been with my Mom since I was in like 2nd grade. I haven't even told my kids yet. I don't know how to.
Sounds like a midlife crisis if you ask me.

Have you spoken to him yet? You should try to do so soon, but with concern in your voice, not anger. Ask him for the sake of your family to consider counseling before he files anything.
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Old 12-04-2008, 03:48 PM
 
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I haven't spoken to him and I wouldn't even know what to say. We're not particularly close. I think like many other couples, they just co-existed for a long time. The way they talk to each other sometimes just makes me wonder if they were ever really happy. After a long time, I guess I just expected they'd be together forever.

Letting my mom cry and vent has helped. I keep telling her she can move in with us down here and then find a place when she is back on her feet. Maybe after she can sell the house she will.

Thanks everyone for your kind words. The hardest part is trying not to cry when she's crying!!
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Old 12-04-2008, 03:56 PM
 
Location: Up above the world so high!
45,269 posts, read 89,884,914 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by vukinjo View Post
I haven't spoken to him and I wouldn't even know what to say. We're not particularly close. I think like many other couples, they just co-existed for a long time. The way they talk to each other sometimes just makes me wonder if they were ever really happy. After a long time, I guess I just expected they'd be together forever.

Letting my mom cry and vent has helped. I keep telling her she can move in with us down here and then find a place when she is back on her feet. Maybe after she can sell the house she will.

Thanks everyone for your kind words. The hardest part is trying not to cry when she's crying!!
Well, at least consider sending him a note - he should have to face you (so to speak) and explain himself - not just be allowed to move on with his life like you never existed! I understand he may have his mind made up, but don't let him off the hook so easy.

Any chance you can go there to be with your mom for Christmas, or have her come to you, so she won't be alone?
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Old 12-04-2008, 04:55 PM
 
1,072 posts, read 2,423,654 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by vukinjo View Post
My mom called me the night before Thanksgiving to tell me she and my stepfather are splitting up. After 28 years together. Apparently he has had a girlfriend on the side for the last 6 months and my mom is devastated to say the least.

It broke my heart to hear her crying on the phone wondering how she will get through it. It felt odd to be comforting her instead of the other way around. I reminded her she raised three kids after my Dad left when we were still so young, that she is strong.

I am at a loss on what else to do. She lives in NY and I'm here in TX. My sister is in GA and my brother in RI. She feels very alone right now.

I just never saw this coming
Being the one that has to comfort your Mom IS awkward, because, in a way, you are DIRECTLY affected by their divorce. If I were you, I would "be there for her" but not talk MUCH at all about the divorce. Everytime she brings up that horrid subject, try to cheer her up.

To be honest, as the kid in the family, you should NOT be involved in your folks' mess, ESPECIALLY in their marriage.

(see how nice I can be, despite the negative way that you responded to my other thread? )
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Old 12-04-2008, 06:01 PM
 
822 posts, read 2,712,267 times
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Wow. You never see it coming, do you? My father and stepmother have been married for 30 years and if they split, I would fall over in shock. I don't want to comprimise her legal rights to their joint property, but she might like to hear you say "come here!". [Right after Katrina, a friend called me from a shelter, and was going on about how she had no idea where she should go next. I said "this is the place; you belong at my house, I will take care of you". She came.] Sometimes this sort of confidence is required, even if roles are reversed.
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Old 12-04-2008, 06:52 PM
 
542 posts, read 1,552,919 times
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Originally Posted by sms0511 View Post
Being the one that has to comfort your Mom IS awkward, because, in a way, you are DIRECTLY affected by their divorce. If I were you, I would "be there for her" but not talk MUCH at all about the divorce. Everytime she brings up that horrid subject, try to cheer her up.

To be honest, as the kid in the family, you should NOT be involved in your folks' mess, ESPECIALLY in their marriage.

(see how nice I can be, despite the negative way that you responded to my other thread? )
Thank you I try to remind her how strong she is and get her mind on other things. I'm far from being a child any more lol, but I definitely don't want to hear details.

Sorry I was so negative, I'm not usually a nasty person.
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