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I received an email from my father this morning stating my emails to my sibs were a "sad attempt" and my mother is hurt and by the way, you, your husband and kids arent invited to Christmas because we would be uncomfortable and MAYBE they might want to see me in the future.
Well, I have to ask: what do your husband and kids think of this? Is it that important to them that the kind of togetherness you seem to crave towards your FOO (family of origin) is attained? 'cause I have to wonder what your efforts (and the hurt/anger you are suffering) are doing to the family you created in marriage. IMO, those are the people who should be A-#1 in your life.
Btw, you might not be giving your mother a material Christmas present, but you sure are handing her a basket of goodies emotionally. She sounds like a classic narcissist. The way that the ranks are closing around her in support at Christmas must be feeding her N-supply to the point that she's about to pop.
I would delete and move on. I mean is all that worth the aggravation?? Obviously not. They don't want to communicate with you. Sorry to be harsh but I would figure its pretty clear. Spend Christmas with your family and thats what matters most.
Some times you cannot talk to people in person because they refuse to listen or they distort what they hear.
Because they are, at best, a passive aggressive way to voice disagreement. You say that it's because the other person refuses to listen. Conversely, the writer of such an e-mail doesn't want to discuss the issue, but simply rant.
If things are so bad that it requires a bitter, resentful e-mail, then it's best to just simply let the matter rest. However, now there's a rupture in the relationship. And you think e-mails work?
I mean, all you have to do is read the OP's narrative to realize how badly things blew up.
It doesn't have to be a rant. It can be a discussion like we have on our forum
If the "relationship" has already failed and gone down the tubes then what does a rantful email matter ??? The relationship is already ruined. A rant can be fun!
Also people can be passive aggressive in face to face conversations.
Quote:
Originally Posted by cpg35223
Because they are, at best, a passive aggressive way to voice disagreement. You say that it's because the other person refuses to listen. Conversely, the writer of such an e-mail doesn't want to discuss the issue, but simply rant.
If things are so bad that it requires a bitter, resentful e-mail, then it's best to just simply let the matter rest. However, now there's a rupture in the relationship. And you think e-mails work?
I mean, all you have to do is read the OP's narrative to realize how badly things blew up.
So some of you know the situation with my family. My mother has Borderline Personality Disorder and subjected me to her horrid behavior from when I was a small child. I sent her a letter a while back telling her how that effected me. I am now estranged from both brothers and sister. Father traveled and siblings were too young to see what she was doing to me. I decided two weeks ago to once again swallow my pride and extend the olive branch to my mother in an email. She promptly replied not to email her again and she had nothing to say. She must have told my father (who I have been close to most of my life) and he sent me several stern (defending my mother) yet very sweet emails. So I sent emails to my sibs saying regardless what has happened I loved them and wanted to repair things with them. One brother & sister didnt reply at all the other brother did with a kind email saying he feels the same. Well....my mother must have heard about all this because I received an email from my father this morning stating my emails to my sibs were a "sad attempt" and my mother is hurt and by the way, you, your husband and kids arent invited to Christmas because we would be uncomfortable and MAYBE they might want to see me in the future. Im ticked and hurt once AGAIN. I feel like a mule that keeps getting kicked. Any advice on how to respond?
I'm really sorry you are going thru this with your family
At this point, just rise above it and let it go. Concentrate on YOUR family - your hubby and kids - make some good family traditions with them and let your parents reap what they have sown. Send them a nice card for Christmas and don't do any more explaining, apologizing or kowtowing. They are the ones with the problems - don't make their problems, YOUR problems.
Your mother has issues that will always prevent her from improving things where you would love to see them in a perfect world. And as her husband you dad is going to take her side to "protect" her (sounds pretty codependent if you ask me). It just is what it is. Go forward, don't look back
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