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Old 12-09-2008, 04:15 PM
 
Location: Austin
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I like everything but the gift giving.
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Old 12-09-2008, 04:22 PM
 
Location: Everybody is going to hurt you, you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for-B Marley
9,516 posts, read 19,955,923 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ExPit View Post
Yeah, life happens 364 days a year and we are supposed to forget about it all in one day. There's such a pressure to be happy, sometimes this world, and it seems like more so all the time, just won't let you be.

I am sorry about your sister. Just about everybody important in my life, my dad and his mother, my mother's parents who raised me, my cousin who was my closest, have all died around the holidays, it does make it harder. But let me be one of the first to wish you a happy holiday.
Thank you. I'm sorry for your losses as well. Even tho' I didn't judge anyone going through it, I never really used to understand why the holidays would get anyone down over the loss of a loved one when they could use that holiday to celebrate their memory--not that you need an excuse or to take away from the real reason for the holiday. But now that I can't explain it myself except to say I just don't feel like celebrating, I finally understand. I almost feel like a heel for saying this but Happy holidays to you as well.
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Old 12-09-2008, 04:29 PM
 
485 posts, read 1,311,528 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ExPit View Post
I never used to. Christmas was my favorite time of year up until a few years ago. What's changed I'm not exactly sure, though I have some ideas. I'm not in my hometown, events in my life have me overwhelmed, my wife and I are not into the partying scene so much anymore, our kids are way past Santa Claus, and Christmas with it's commercialization seems like too much work.

I know I sound like a Scrooge, and I'm a little turned off by my tone myself, but does anyone feel the same? Anybody think back to holidays of your past and wonder why it's just not so enjoyable anymore? Anybody else out there who would pay big money just to be able to skip it this year?
Christmas has never been the same since my aunt died. Her house was the center for activity in the family. Cheery, festive, fun, and something you always looked forward to. Events in my life in recent years have led me to dreading the holidays for the most part. And since I lost my aunt at the end of Nov. 2001 and just experienced another life tragedy well I'm feeling the bah humbug, too!

Charlie Brown's, Christmastime Is Here melody gives me mixed emotions (tears, etc.) but usually wisks me to the brighter days of childhood fun, fearlessness, and unconditional love-for the most part!
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Old 12-09-2008, 04:35 PM
 
28,896 posts, read 53,969,898 times
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The trick is learning to say "enough."

Right now with us, we get a million party invitations, on top of Christmas shopping, Christmas school activities, semester exams, class parties, church activities, family gatherings, blah blah blah blah. So even the required stuff is enough to make you feel like treadmill material. At that point, you really have to ask the question, "Is this something I really want to do?"

For example, we have a neighborhood busybody who, every year, goes around the neighborhood asking us to put up a tree in the front yard. Again, I told her "No." So in a neighborhood full of twinkly lights, our yard is this dark blot, a veritable black hole, without even a wreath on the door. People have asked us if we're Jewish due to the lack of decorations in our yard. "No, we're Episcopalians," I answer. "We believe in restraint."

So far, we have ten party invitations, in addition to the get together we're scheduling ourselves. We have chosen five to attend, however briefly, while the others get our regrets via RSVP.

We finally stopped sending the cotton-picking Xmas cards. People know we're alive.

In my family, we draw names. So, in addition to our own families, we buy a gift for one other person. That cuts down on a ton of stress right there. Further, instead of buying tons of crapola, you buy one really nice present.

Rather than go travel to visit relatives on Christmas, we said, "No, we're staying home." The sheer logistics of hauling Christmas presents, travel, etc. etc., was just exhausting. We tried it one year, and it wound up with my wife standing out in the snow in her panties at 2 a.m., spanking my utterly wired five year old daughter at the end of the in-laws snow-covered driveway, screaming, "Get the keys! We're going home!" Don't want to go there again.

We have one rock-em, sock-em holiday get-together with friends, relatives and whoever else gets sucked into our orbit. Our rule, however, is that we only spend four hours cleaning the house. After all, the more people we invite, the less you have to clean, right? Right?

Plus, if you're an observant soul, you have to realize that Advent was supposed to be a time of sobriety and waiting, not a four-week long bacchanal. In fact, Advent used to be known as a Little Lent, and Christmas begins on the 25th of December and doesn't end until Epiphany on January 6th, hence the 12 Days of Christmas. So you can give yourself a theologically-based excuse for bowing out of all the merriment, if you so desire.

Christmas Eve services. Christmas Eve dinner at my Mom's. Wake up Christmas morning, open presents, go over to my sisters to unwrap presents with Bloody Marys and champagne. Go see a movie that afternoon. Then enjoy an entire week with nothing on the agenda except reading another book, pouring another glass of wine, and tossing another log on the fire.
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Old 12-09-2008, 04:43 PM
 
2,751 posts, read 5,349,522 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Pikantari View Post
They used to be very important to me. They used to include family. It has been hard since the death of my parents, as Thanksgiving was always the 'family' holiday. Now that they are gone, I spend it with my brothers and sisters, but it is still not the same. My kids with their father, I did not see them either this year.

Christmas. It will be the same scenario. The holiday season has been a tough one for me since 1995. I do not imagine that is likely to change, although there is newness. There are additions. Its the subtractions that are so difficult.
More and more it seems to me a mass manipulation. If you happen to fall into the mold then you're fine. If you don't then you either go quietly along or you revolt, which is just what I would do if I didn't put so many people before myself. No martyr, just somebody who loves his kids and couldn't break their hearts. Hoping you get through it alright. I suspect most of us will.
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Old 12-09-2008, 04:46 PM
 
Location: Miami, FL
3,440 posts, read 5,698,683 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Public_Newsense View Post
This is my first Christmas without my sister who died last March so this Christmas is very numb feeling for me. I can't get into it. I know I should keep my focus on the true reason for Christmas and I will in my own way, but celebrate like I used to? Not this year.
I am very sorry....
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Old 12-09-2008, 04:48 PM
 
28,896 posts, read 53,969,898 times
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One other suggestion. Try volunteering for those less fortunate. My children and I participate in a ministry for homeless families about six times a year. Suddenly, all the gift giving seems a little bit selfish when compared to the deprivation others suffer.
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Old 12-09-2008, 04:52 PM
 
2,751 posts, read 5,349,522 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sierraAZ View Post
I used to love the holidays. As a matter of fact, having a nicely decorated house and holiday traditions used to be a dream of mine. We didn’t really have traditions in my parents’ home. Such were the times. Christmas being a religious holiday wasn’t supposed to be celebrated if you were hoping for some advancement in life. There was more of an emphasis on New Year’s Eve. Hmm, coming full circle on this one here now, too, aren’t I…. No Christmas for you!

As I’ve mentioned before, the home of my dreams didn’t turn out the way I wanted it during my marriages. Now I’m nesting on my own and doing my best. It’s still not everything I’d love (I can’t hang lights on my house, for example), but it’s close and I enjoy it. Built my first gingerbread house I’ve been meaning to make for years. Love the lights inside, the smells of food, the holiday music…. However, no matter what you do to get yourself into a cheerful state of mind, being alone is simply not ideal, particularly now that my parents are gone, too. Even if we weren’t together, it’s still nice to know there are some people somewhere who care about you. What is ideal is to have somebody equally warm and excited with you to enjoy all this together. Unfortunately, in my experience so far it’s been an either/or situation. To make the long story short, yes, the holidays do make me a bit sad and as if they’re not enough, I’ve got a birthday thrown in the middle of them. Yeah, on some level I wouldn’t mind welcoming January.
I'm sorry you're alone, but you do seem resourceful. Maybe a lonely Xmas is like a dateless Saturday night, cubed! The propaganda says we should be happy, and worse it seems in a simplistic way; but some of us for good or for bad just weren't built that way. Loss seems to be a running theme in people who dread Christmas, I've had my share, and am staring at another one that is imminent, but for what it's worth Sierra, I don't think I'd be the only one on this board to say, that at least in a virtual 21st century way, I care about you and truly wish you the best.
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Old 12-09-2008, 04:55 PM
 
Location: Charlotte, NC
973 posts, read 3,295,778 times
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I think for many, Christmas is a magical time when we are young. Then we grow up and have so many pressures in our day to day lives that it can lessen our joy in the Christmas season. Commercialism can put tremendous strain on people to spend money they don't have. Feel good, happy movies can make us look at our quirky and frustrating families and wish for something else.

When I started to let go of the notion that my family needed to become a Norman Rockwell scene for a day, things started to change. Perhaps it was nothing more than my own outlook. I stopped pressuring myself to create the perfect holiday and instead looked at how I could simply enjoy the season.

Hubby and I started spending less time worrying about who we would see at the family dinner and how much money we had to spend. Instead, we looked for ways to make OUR season special with our own traditions.

1. Shopping for one special ornament for the tree each year.
2. Decorating the house.
3. Looking at Christmas light displays around town.
4. Shamelessly watching every single Christmas cartoon and movie we could find while drinking the full fat version Hot Chocolate. (With whipped cream!)
5. Going to a Christmas play or musical at the performing arts theater.

One of the BEST things that happened was the gift exchange. There was a $15-20 limit and we only bought one gift. We draw numbers to see what order people can pick a gift and made a game of it. Even the kids enjoy the game.

People need to let go of the idea that the season needs to be perfect in a less than perfect world. Once you let go of that notion, it is so much easier to just enjoy the little moments. Try to get in touch with your inner child and see that Christmas is still a magical time.
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Old 12-09-2008, 04:59 PM
 
485 posts, read 1,311,528 times
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[quote=cpg35223;6491946]One other suggestion. Try volunteering for those less fortunate. My children and I participate in a ministry for homeless families about six times a year. Suddenly, all the gift giving seems a little bit selfish when compared to the deprivation others suffer.[/quote


Your assumptions that we are all just sitting around having pity parties is wrong-although I am (at this very moment) having one. We just aren't broadcasting our helping our fellow man (sort of the point of, "ministry") and I suggest a little empathy here as you haven't a clue as to the sufferings in the lives of us all.

And bear in mind, sometimes deprivation of love, family relationships, etc. can be as painful if not sometimes even more painful than death-although many are experiencing both! Many of us still have to work and provide for our own including engaging in "festive" activities for the mere sake of the kids. This year, I'm not feeling it, but I am muddling through for others. And as for, "gift" well I could care less. I'd give a million to have my loved ones back though!!

Last edited by CrouchTigerHiddenDog; 12-09-2008 at 05:13 PM..
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