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Not in my world they don't. My last boyfriend broke up with me and said he felt "pursued" and hated it. Just to explain, we saw each other about twice a week for six months, then I left to go overseas for work for five months and the week I returned I planned a nice dinner out for the two of us. Well, because I was the one who did the asking, made the reservations, and paid for the dinner, I was a bad bad girlfriend who was trying to chase him right down the aisle. Sheesh!
Ever since that incident I have refused to chase after guys. If one expresses interest then I'll return it if I feel the same (and I can be quite a flirt), but I won't ask a guy out. I have done that in the past and was rejected and got the impression that a couple of those guys would have been interested but only if they had to chase me a while first.
Oh, c'mon... You don't strike me as that indiscriminating!
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tropical Trouble
Not in my world they don't. My last boyfriend broke up with me and said he felt "pursued" and hated it. Just to explain, we saw each other about twice a week for six months, then I left to go overseas for work for five months and the week I returned I planned a nice dinner out for the two of us. Well, because I was the one who did the asking, made the reservations, and paid for the dinner, I was a bad bad girlfriend who was trying to chase him right down the aisle. Sheesh!
Unbelievable! Go figure how to treat them then... Seems like the worse the better!
Yes I don't think men like to be relentlessly pursued. However I see it as a give and take game. If I'm the one always taking the initiative, doing the calling, emailing, always paying, always giving the compliments, always doing everything, the relationship ends very quickly from my end. If I get a whiff of that nonsense I'm gone like a fart in the wind. As a woman if you are interested you have to show that and do some of the work, otherwise forget it.
So yes there has to be some pursuing there, but if it is creepy, codependent, relentless, desperate type of pursuing, then hell no.
However Ms. Tropical, sounds like your ex over reacted and myself would have very gracious for what you did. Especially after being apart for five months. Sounds like a mental case there.
Ideally I see the first part of a relationship as like a little dance back and forth, back and forth, back and forth, between the two parties.
[quote=ArmyPoohFan317;6558418]I have seen the commercials (back when I had tv)
It's more than on tv. It's everywhere. You can't go to a Walmart or stand in line at a 7-11 without those type of girls on the cover of the magazine staring at you with their thumb tugging on their underwear..
"but there is a part of me (and maybe I have bought into our culture more than I'd like to admit to myself) that does want a superficial compliment, to be chased, once in awhile."
Supress! Armypooh, Supress! You are still decent! Supress! Supress!
Originally Posted by Tropical Trouble Not in my world they don't. My last boyfriend broke up with me and said he felt "pursued" and hated it.
uhh something's wrong here
Just to explain, we saw each other about twice a week for six months
how on earth do you see each other about twice a week for six months!? how could you call him a boyfriend?!
Pursue does not mean: 'hunt em down! grab him! put the food in his mouth! Strap him down screaming YEILD! YEILD!'
I'm just saying that a little wink goes a long way. You don't have to be relentless.
Next question, in my pursuit to learn what most women my age have known for years...
What behaviors (batting the eyes, laughing at your dumb jokes, sweetly putting a hand on your arm) do guys consider fun and flirty by a (sober) girl at a bar/bookstore/pool hall and what is a turn-off or too much (if it is someone they've just met)?
Next question, in my pursuit to learn what most women my age have known for years...
What behaviors (batting the eyes, laughing at your dumb jokes, sweetly putting a hand on your arm) do guys consider fun and flirty by a (sober) girl at a bar/bookstore/pool hall and what is a turn-off or too much (if it is someone they've just met)?
***I hope my question makes sense!
PERFECT! that's enough right there.. if he doesn't respond to that openly then he's not interested and just leave it there. But be careful, if you push that button you'd better mean it because you WILL have peaked his interest.
how on earth do you see each other about twice a week for six months!?how could yo u call him a boyfriend?!
Uh, just exactly how many nights a week do you have to spend together to fit your definition of boyfriend/girlfriend? You sound a bit needy with that statement. We did spend most weekends together (both Saturday and Sunday) but very rarely on work nights. Both of us had jobs that kept us busy, followed by going to the gym most nights (where we sometimes ran into each other), followed by getting home after 7pm and then getting up for work the next day at 5am. It's not like there was no communication during the week, we still spoke most nights.
Next question, in my pursuit to learn what most women my age have known for years...
What behaviors (batting the eyes, laughing at your dumb jokes, sweetly putting a hand on your arm) do guys consider fun and flirty by a (sober) girl at a bar/bookstore/pool hall and what is a turn-off or too much (if it is someone they've just met)?
***I hope my question makes sense!
If it's someone you literally just met, I'd keep your hands to yourself. Otherwise, a smile, a little gleam in your eye, friendly conversation, etc. should be enough to let him know you're interested enough to keep talking to you.
Next question, in my pursuit to learn what most women my age have known for years...
What behaviors (batting the eyes, laughing at your dumb jokes, sweetly putting a hand on your arm) do guys consider fun and flirty by a (sober) girl at a bar/bookstore/pool hall and what is a turn-off or too much (if it is someone they've just met)?
***I hope my question makes sense!
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Go figure how to treat them then...
Seems like the worse the better!
You sound a bit needy with that statement. We did spend most weekends together (both Saturday and Sunday) but very rarely on work nights. Both of us had jobs that kept us busy, followed by going to the gym most nights (where we sometimes ran into each other), followed by getting home after 7pm and then getting up for work the next day at 5am. It's not like there was no communication during the week, we still spoke most nights.
