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I have a lady friend I have known for about 20 years. She is clearly above average in attractiveness and has never been married. We have been friends since "after college," since we went to 2 different universities and met through common friends. Shortly after college, I moved out of state. She has more recently moved out of state and I have traveled on vacation to visit her in her new city. Over the years, we have managed to keep in touch. I'm also above average looking (from the feedback I get) but have never expected anything from her, especially after learning of sexual trauma in her childhood. More recently, we were speaking over the phone and she told me of a new friend of hers (definitely platonic). She relayed that she had told this person about me, that she wanted all of us to get together for coffee, and that she told him "I was like a brother to her." (Again, I know enough of the situation with this new friend of hers and it is most definitely platonic as well).
Even though there is nothing going on, I did not appreciate this comment at all. It is not flattering. I have started to rethink whether I should waste the time and money to go to her new city to visit her, even though it is a reasonably nice place, when there are so many places one can go on vacation.
Your thoughts?
Wha'ts the problem? It's already platonic and to some women "like a brother" is closer than "a good friend".
I think she's just being clear that everyone will be all just friends. But if friends isn't want you want, then I'd move on.
You and I have a bad history on this site (I don't think I would resonate with most ultra-liberal Manhattanites) so I'm not surprised you decided to go on a diatribe on ME about "how sad." We have been friends for a long time, I've never been called "like a brother" by her, and I'm now reevaluating the depth and energy I need to expend, given she lives far away. As I've said before: 1) there is previous sexual trauma and I know the details, she rebukes advances from virtually all men, and it kind of tires me to hear these guys get "shot down" when their approach was often innocuous, 2) I would never refer to a female friend as a "sister," it's a friendship, not a familial relationship.
Didn't realize how much mileage this thread would get. I figured about 15 posts. In fact, the pattern that most of the posters have been women and dissed on me is pretty concrete evidence that men and women should not be friends. I've been learning this lately.
Like a brother can mean a deep relationship but obviously not one with a lot of sexual feelings. Maybe you prefered "friend" because friends can become sexual but a brother would not but a brother can be someone closer than a friend.
A woman can believe a man is attractive but if she sees him as a brother then she doesn't feel sexual attraction. It woudn't be wrong if you saw her as someone "like a sister" but it would mean you viewed her as someone close to you emotionally but not sexual.
It is what it is. If she says you're like a brother then... you're like a brother. How do I know? I've used that line on my friend too after he started crushing. It doesn't register to this day so I cut contact. Now, whether you want to spend money flying over there is purely your choice because you ain't gettin any.
It is what it is. If she says you're like a brother then... you're like a brother. How do I know? I've used that line on my friend too after he started crushing. It doesn't register to this day so I cut contact. Now, whether you want to spend money flying over there is purely your choice because you ain't gettin any.
Old thread, I know...methinks she said this to the 'new' dude to let HIM know your importance to HER...
basically she was saying that you are top dog and don't even think about giving me crap about my relationship with him(you)
I doubt anything more than that was intended.
If you have issues with it perhaps you should talk to her about that comment....communication is a great thing.
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