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That's my question. Why does my ex being nice to me hurt more than when he is mean to me?
Last night I had to talk to him on the phone about seeing the kids. He said that's great, shuffled around and got his calender. Asked me how I was doing, I told him and asked him as well.
He started talking to me about his home study and different things and was overall being very nice to me.
This was very upsetting for me. When he is mean to me I can just hang up on him and call him a jerk and go on with my day. Not when he is nice.
Then I get to thinking, maybe he can be civil afterall. Maybe I can talk to him about this or that.
Then my boyfriend tells me that there is no way he can be civil, and goes over the different things.
My eyes have been open to so much over the past several months. I know that when I was first separated from him, I tried so hard to see the good in him. I tried so hard to have a relationship that was civil with him, for the kids.
It worked every once in a while, when it seemed to be to his advantage.
Now, I wonder why he was being nice. Is he lonely? Does he regret all the evil? Does he need someone to talk to?
His mother moved out of his place and now he is being nice.
Whenever he was not having involvement with her was when he was civil. Whenever she is involved, he is the devil.
It is like you said, when they are being mean than it is easier to feel justified in our animosity. When they are being nice we are reminded of the good times and why we feel for them, and that causes us to feel a bit wistful for what was and what could have been.
natural knee jerk reaction has works for so long so well. its go into victim mode. the big bad mean man guna mistreat the poor lil girl. but when he does not follow that time honored formula, when he takes on the new feminized male role the apologic understanding white guy, the room gets very warm. then she starts screaming and yelling and he starts head hanging, and then he leaves, (smiling)
the new game he who victims bests wins.
He was nice, in our relationship when it was to his benefit. I try to see the good in everyone. I try. I know he has a little good, just that the not good outweighs the little good.
Is he up to something? Gosh, I have no idea. I have not really had any dealings with him except for when he calls me and tells me off. I see him in court. He is rotten to me there.
He has been separate from his mother for about a month now, I guess. When we were a couple, for the most part things were ok when his mom was not around.
When she is involved, it was hell. Even after we separated... we did nicely when it was the two of us working things out. Then she got involved and his sister as well and things got so so bad.
more later
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