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.......but he said he doesnt think its as intense, he just started going out with other people 3 months ago; and said before that he was all for getting back together - but now hes not sure what he wants; since we saw each other he's stopped seeing other people to see what happens with us. I think it's hard for us to get what we had back what we had since now we only talk on the phone and havent seen each other.
He is very overwhelmed right now; he hates his job and where he lives, and is probably going to relocate in the next to months, I suggested I come with him and we see where we are after 6 months, he said he would think about it, he would be open to it, and the chances are 50/50.
I am planning on going to visit him again in Jan; I feel things are the same; but how can I give him that spark.
First and foremost, I doubt very seriously that he stopped seeing those other people as you say. Especially if you guys live so far away from each other.
Secondly, how old are you guys? If you're in your 40s or 50s then Im not so sure what can be done about getting that spark back.
Thirdly, what type of shape are you in? Like another poster said, maybe join a gym get into fantastic (i.e., sexy) shape and that will help the sparks fly again.
Another thing, not only ask him what he likes (sexually), tell him and SHOW him what YOU like. A lot of women in your shoes who try to win a guy back or try to reignite that spark try too hard to please the guy without making an effort to enjoy it YOURSELF. Tell and SHOW him what you like as well that will help him to see that not only are sparks flying for him but also for you.
Another thing, find someone closer to you. Long distance relationships do not work and are nothing but trouble.
Well- good sex does not an LTR make..or something like that. If he's not into you, you might get a spark if you tone up and all that but that'll wear off soon enough. I think you should find someone else.
greasycheeseburgers,
You've gotten some EXCELLENT advice!
You've spent six years with the guy; if you don't know the way to the guy's heart by now, you're not likely to find it here. If it's sex, read and heed some of those suggestions. They're all great. But don't stop here. Search for ideas on sex-chat boards, etc. The internet has no shortage of sex ideas.
But I urge you to use caution and reason in deciding if you really want to get back together. I don't know why you split, but it sounds like he's not too sure about wanting to resume the relationship.
I had to break up with someone very special to me once. I loved her, but just not enough. Know what I mean? She was one special little lady, but we never should have been more than friends. We had an active sex life when we were together, but I wasn't "attracted" to her. I didn't want to marry her for that and a few other reasons.
It hurt her very much, and she'd have done anything to get me back. But for me to have stayed with her wouldn't have been fair to her... or to me. She deserved someone who could love and desire her in a way that I simply couldn't.
She's asked me a few times since we broke up several years ago, what it was about her, or what she could have done differently to keep me. The fact is, she shouldn't have wanted to keep me... because there was nothing she could have done to make me love her the way she deserved to be. I wouldn't have been happy, and as a result, she wouldn't have been happy.
I just want you to be very careful. You might get what you're wishing for and discover years down the road that it was the wrong wish. People who are "meant" to be together seldom break up. They both know it's right and won't consider parting ways.
I'm in shape, he's still attracted to me, said nobody he went out with could compare to me. We slept together over the weekend, and he told me he slept with another girl a few months ago and wasnt able to finish because I was all he could think about. He said our connection is not as intense as it used to be, but I think that is due to us growing apart over the last year, I think once we do some growing together things will be fine.
He's really unhappy at his work right now, and is not planning on staying where he is; thats why he doesnt want me to move there asap. He said since hes unhappy at work and his life is all upside down right now he's being a stick in the mud about getting back together.
Do you have any experience with buyers remorse? Where you buy something and decide wish that you had something else? You can make that process work for you.
Dating often works the same way. Right now the two of you are not in a committed relationship. If you want him to show some interest he needs to see that there is a credible threat that you might date someone else. Express your interest in him, but then start doing things with other people as well.
It will do a couple of things. First it will put your feelings for him in context. If you still feel as interested in him as you do right now when no one else is expressing interest in you, that is a very good sign that your feeling are for him and not just for not being alone.
Second when your ex realises that you have options too, he has to decide whether he wants to be a committed exclusive relationship with your or to continue to see the bimbos on the side. The fact that you may not be around much longer tends to induce men to act.
Third, if your ex decides that he would date someone else you have laid down the foundation to move on with your own social life. Then you are sitting around eatting bon bons wondering why his life is moving forward and your life isn't.
The two of you are no longer in an exclusive relationship. Now its time for you to start acting like it.
The idea of going to the gym is never a bad idea, but I have found that just going out with additional people is a much faster way of getting people to get off there butt and do something.
I'm in shape, he's still attracted to me, said nobody he went out with could compare to me. We slept together over the weekend, and he told me he slept with another girl a few months ago and wasnt able to finish because I was all he could think about. He said our connection is not as intense as it used to be, but I think that is due to us growing apart over the last year, I think once we do some growing together things will be fine.
He's really unhappy at his work right now, and is not planning on staying where he is; thats why he doesnt want me to move there asap. He said since hes unhappy at work and his life is all upside down right now he's being a stick in the mud about getting back together.
Could it be that you're just dealing with a screwedup person? If so, you're wasting your time and can only look forward to a life of misery.
This is one I'm struggling with of late and am sure confused. We've been dating a year - not a committed nor an exclusive relationship - and while the first 4-6months were very exciting, I'm worried that the spark is gone. We still have incredible sex, great conversation, similar interests & tastes, etc. but I sure miss feeling PURSUED, or attractive/sexy or even desirable. How do we get the spark back?? I mentioned it tonite - just wonder how to do that - not that the relationship is boring, it's just "normal". Any ideas or suggestions??? Thanks!!
You're a woman that's name is greasy cheeseburgers? That's pretty much the un sexiest name ever. I guess ArmPitStubbleGal could be worse.
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