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Poor woman. How brave to lay this out. Too bad that she felt she could only speak of this in a childfree forum - a place she felt she'd be somewhat understood. Unfortunately there is a stigma to saying "I had a kid and profoundly regret it". Undoubtedly, she felt that saying it around other parents would only bring condemnation, total non-understanding, or just more platitudes that she bought and which got her into this misery in the first place.
The saddest part of this story is that she felt that she HAD to have a child despite her lack of interest and desire.
I was so fortunate to have found a good husband who feels the same as i do about being childfree. My first dh wanted children and this is one (of several) reasons we parted. There are so many women out there who feel this way - so many more than will admit it. LOL
Boy, if the lady in this story thinks she feels ambivalent about this kid now - just wait until he turns TWO. YOW!!!! My heart goes out to her.
Strangely, I have encountered more people lately who had children b/c they wanted them...and once they had the experience, they realized that it really wasn't for them. These people are good, hardworking, honest folks...they did right by their kids and loved and supported them. Some of these kids are adults now, and that's when these people opened up to me and said they wish they had never done it or tell me to think twice before doing it. Freaks me out a little bit, actually.
There is an extraordinary amount of pressure by everyone including the media (I swear if I see one more People cover that talks about "celebrity babies" I'm going to scream) to reproduce at any cost. It seems like everyone just assumes you are going to have kids when you get married.
Its a statistical fact that children are the number one cause of poverty in this country. I wonder how many women, mired in abject poverty with two or four or more children tugging at their apron would have had vastly different - BETTER - lives without the financial responsibilities of a child or children. So many lives tragically wasted.
You betcha, lots of women would do it differently if they had the luxury of being able to do it over again. You betcha.
Completely agree with this - but what do you do if you aren't sure if you want kids? If you sometimes think it would be great and sometimes think it would be awful.
I know somebody like this. She's been married for a few years and seems to still be entertaining the idea of having a child. She has to be the most selfish and self-centered person I've seen in my entire life! When she sees a baby she wouldn't want to hold it or even touch it. She looks at babies with clear disgust written all over her face. I've no idea how strongly her husband feels about having children, but I sure hope she doesn't have any... Poor (potential) kid!
The saddest part of this story is that she felt that she HAD to have a child despite her lack of interest and desire.
I was so fortunate to have found a good husband who feels the same as i do about being childfree. My first dh wanted children and this is one (of several) reasons we parted. There are so many women out there who feel this way - so many more than will admit it. LOL
Boy, if the lady in this story thinks she feels ambivalent about this kid now - just wait until he turns TWO. YOW!!!! My heart goes out to her.
20yrsinBranson
blissfully childfree
It is sad the pressure women have to be "normal" and have kids...
I have ZERO respect for her and don't feel anything but disgust for her.
She didn't want a kid, didn't expressly tell the husband this, then gets pregnant and doesn't really like her 20 month old.
I have an uncle who was married to a woman like this. She never wanted a kid but had one anyway. My uncle, who was stupid about the whole thing, stayed married to her till my cousin was 10 or 11. The woman was awful. She kept my uncle and cousin from the family for quite a long time. One year she had a birthday party for my cousin and somehow he got in trouble and she put him up in his room. All I remember is his tearful face w/curly hair looking out the window. Even this memory brings me to tears. Later on, when we were teenagers, we ran into his mother (not literally, but she saw us) at a "taste of the town" type event, and she didn't even talk to him.
I didn't then, but if I saw her tomorrow I would spit on her.
She was an awful mother, using the term mother loosely here, as in "he came out of her vagina and that is it".
Now she wants a relationship with her son and cannot understand why he is not interested.
This poster that didn't want the kid, she should do the kid a favor and get a divorce from her husband, so hopefully he can move on and find someone else to be the mother that this kid deserves.
I have ZERO respect for her and don't feel anything but disgust for her.
She didn't want a kid, didn't expressly tell the husband this, then gets pregnant and doesn't really like her 20 month old.
I have an uncle who was married to a woman like this. She never wanted a kid but had one anyway. My uncle, who was stupid about the whole thing, stayed married to her till my cousin was 10 or 11. The woman was awful. She kept my uncle and cousin from the family for quite a long time. One year she had a birthday party for my cousin and somehow he got in trouble and she put him up in his room. All I remember is his tearful face w/curly hair looking out the window. Even this memory brings me to tears. Later on, when we were teenagers, we ran into his mother (not literally, but she saw us) at a "taste of the town" type event, and she didn't even talk to him.
I didn't then, but if I saw her tomorrow I would spit on her.
She was an awful mother, using the term mother loosely here, as in "he came out of her vagina and that is it".
Now she wants a relationship with her son and cannot understand why he is not interested.
This poster that didn't want the kid, she should do the kid a favor and get a divorce from her husband, so hopefully he can move on and find someone else to be the mother that this kid deserves.
That's why it would be nice of parents, when they talk to their kids aout having babies, would say "IF" you're going to have kids, NOT "when" you have kids.
It would be nice if little girls weren't indocrinated at a very young age to play with dolls but were given broader expectations.
If parents explained the REAL "birds and bees" of what it means to have children.
Lots of ifs but the pressure to conform continues.
Not really that much has changed since the days when doctors told depressed or mentally ill women to just "get married and have babies and you'll be fine".
That's why it would be nice of parents, when they talk to their kids aout having babies, would say "IF" you're going to have kids, NOT "when" you have kids.
OMG my sis always talks about kids and marriage with her children. Their only 8 and 12. Anytime the 8 yr old hurts himself down there he says now I will never have children. The kids are always talking about kids of their own and what they are going to name them,etc. One day I went by my sis had out wedding dress designs for the 12 yr old. I just had to say something then but she says she thinks it is fine.
I guarantee those kids are going to end up so fracked up it's not even funny. When I was a kid the only thing on my mind was being a kid. Nobody ever said your going to get married and have children. Even today as an adult my only priorities are live life to it's fullest and have fun.
What doesn't she just leave the kid with the dude and move on?
That's what I don't understand. Why did she marry a man who wanted a family? That was certainly a very poor trap she set. She should have simply told him she wasn't interested in kids, let him move on and find someone who did.
I have ZERO respect for her and don't feel anything but disgust for her.
She didn't want a kid, didn't expressly tell the husband this, then gets pregnant and doesn't really like her 20 month old.
I have an uncle who was married to a woman like this. She never wanted a kid but had one anyway. My uncle, who was stupid about the whole thing, stayed married to her till my cousin was 10 or 11. The woman was awful. She kept my uncle and cousin from the family for quite a long time. One year she had a birthday party for my cousin and somehow he got in trouble and she put him up in his room. All I remember is his tearful face w/curly hair looking out the window. Even this memory brings me to tears. Later on, when we were teenagers, we ran into his mother (not literally, but she saw us) at a "taste of the town" type event, and she didn't even talk to him.
I didn't then, but if I saw her tomorrow I would spit on her.
She was an awful mother, using the term mother loosely here, as in "he came out of her vagina and that is it".
Now she wants a relationship with her son and cannot understand why he is not interested.
This poster that didn't want the kid, she should do the kid a favor and get a divorce from her husband, so hopefully he can move on and find someone else to be the mother that this kid deserves.
I feel like you do. Instead of being honest and telling him she wasn't the one for him the minute she found out he wanted to be part of a family, she tricked him, trapped him. How extremely manipulative to marry someone who wants kids when you don't.
Nobody pressured her to have kids, she had them to trap a man, to marry a man she should have never married. She needs to set him and his child free, allow him to move on and she herself can move on with the life she chooses.
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When she sees a baby she wouldn't want to hold it or even touch it. She looks at babies with clear disgust written all over her face. I've no idea how strongly her husband feels about having children, but I sure hope she doesn't have any... Poor (potential) kid!
