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I agree, but I can see how it would be easy to get talked into it or convinced by a partner who really wants kids. Especially because you do hear about the people who didn't want kids, had one and now LOVE the whoe experience. I think a lot of people assume that some hormonal connection will happen to bond you to your child.
I totally agree though, that having fallen for it she needs to take full responsibility and keep her negative thoughts to herself (and her therapist).
What if you're not 25 and not sure? What if your 31 and not sure??
In our case I would say I am 70/ 30 for wanting kids, and DH is only 50/50. Those don't seem like strong enough numbers to move forward, but if we don't do it within the next couple of years it will be starting to be too late!
I know. Tough decision. But at some point, you have to fish or cut bait, and accept and enjoy the decision you've made no matter what it is. After all, I've never met anybody who was really ready to be a parent. There's just not a perfect time to do it.
Overall, I agree with your arguement. Im all for taking responsibility for your actions, but there are times one shouldnt be told, just suck it up.
True enough. And I went back and looked up the sad story of Andrea Yates after you brought her up. I had forgotten that they had been influenced by some loopy backwoods preacher, and vowed to have "as many babies as nature allowed." She began suffering from severe depression, her psychiatrist begged the couple to stop procreating, and yet they kept right on.
This, to me, is a textbook example of why you shouldn't allow anybody to interfere with your own decisions to have a family, whether it's your parents or your preacher. It is a decision between you and your spouse, and certainly not one to be taken lightly.
That being said, if you have normal mental health (And, yes, that includes sometimes being tired, frustrated, and mopey), then "suck it up" is perfectly appropriate advice.
That being said, if you have normal mental health (And, yes, that includes sometimes being tired, frustrated, and mopey), then "suck it up" is perfectly appropriate advice.
My youngest is 25 and there are lots of days I still tell my self "suck it up" LOL.
I know. Tough decision. But at some point, you have to fish or cut bait, and accept and enjoy the decision you've made no matter what it is. After all, I've never met anybody who was really ready to be a parent. There's just not a perfect time to do it.
I know that's true. It would just be so much easier if either of us was one of the 'I was born to be a parent' types. Or the 'absolutely never in a million years' types. This in between state is frustrating actually.
I know that's true. It would just be so much easier if either of us was one of the 'I was born to be a parent' types. Or the 'absolutely never in a million years' types. This in between state is frustrating actually.
Yes indeed. When my wife announced that our first was coming, I admittedly groaned and thought, "Well, this is it. The life I've enjoyed the past few years is officially over for at least 22 years." However, I found that my life has grown much richer than I could have ever hoped.
But the original subject of this post claims that she absolutely was dead-set against children from the get-go and never mentioned this important fact to her husband. In that case, it's her own damned fault. That's the equivalent of wanting to go to medical school but, upon getting married, quietly deferring that decision without discussion with one's spouse. And then ten years later, blaming the spouse because one didn't go to medical school. The poor spouse can't do anything about something he or she doesn't know about. We're not psychics after all.
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