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I have a problem and I'd like to know if my feelings are justified or if I'm being overly-sensitive.
My husband and I have two kids, ages 4 and 6 months. I also have 2 kids from a previous marriage, and he has a son from a previous relationship whom he nor his family is "allowed' to see due to a jealous ex (but that's another story) age 5, and he also had a 6 year-old son who sadly died in a house fire 5 years ago.
Doing the math, she was pregnant with his kid when he was dating you, then you got pregnant?
From your other post, the 5 year olds mother is pissed because you two started dating. I wonder how close she is to his parents?
Is it possible they're mad at your hubby too because of the child support stuff?
Quote:
Originally Posted by jersgrl1969
My problem is with my in-laws. Whenever we go to their house (like for the upcoming holidays) I am forced to sit there and see all these photos displayed in their home of my husband's other children, and there's NONE of our two kids. They have pictures up of their other grandkids, and even ones up of my brother-in-law's ex-GF's kids, but I see none of ours.
I sent his parents recent pictures of our son and our daughter's preschool photo, and when I asked if they'd received them, his mother said she had. I thought to myself, 'Well, why aren't they on display like the REST of your grandkids pictures?!" It really burns me up. I am getting to the point where I don't even want to go to their house because of this.
They don't even have our wedding picture up, but they have a picture of my brother-in-law and his ex-GF on display. (can't figure that one out.)
Either you're going to have to suck it up or say something, obviously your hubby isn't going to, which it should be his job to do, IMO.
If you don't say anything, don't go over there, stop going out of your way to go over there, start hosting at your house and invite them there or don't invite them. Simple as that.
I agree it's rude.
Men aren't as bothered by stuff like this as women are.
Quote:
Originally Posted by jersgrl1969
Not only that, but our first Christmas together, we went to his parent's house and they had invited his ex-GF (the mother of his deceased son) to dinner, which I thought was VERY rude and inconsiderate, to say the least. I likened it to my family inviting my husband and me for dinner and when we show up, MY ex-husband is sitting there!
I would get over this. I'm sure it was hard but this lady lost her child.
Someone reached out to her; thankfully she wasn't alone.
Quote:
Originally Posted by jersgrl1969
Usually my in-laws are nice to me, and they do buy our kids gifts for Christmas, birthdays(even though this year they didn't even send our daughter a card-no explanation for that, either.) I said something to my husband about the missing photos and he said "maybe they're in the computer room." I seriously doubt that. My hubby is one of those types that instantly bristles whenever someone questions or makes comments about his family, even if they are reasonable.
Do I have a good reason for being pissed off by this?
How do they treat your kids compared to the other kids? Are the gifts the same money wise?
The missing birthday card; I don't know. While they could have forgotten, sent it and it got lost, my guess is they didn't attempt.
Yes, you have every reason to be pissed; but it is you that gets to choose how to deal with it. Hopefully your hubby will back you up on what you decide.
I have a problem and I'd like to know if my feelings are justified or if I'm being overly-sensitive.
My husband and I have two kids, ages 4 and 6 months. I also have 2 kids from a previous marriage, and he has a son from a previous relationship whom he nor his family is "allowed' to see due to a jealous ex (but that's another story) age 5, and he also had a 6 year-old son who sadly died in a house fire 5 years ago.
Roselvr raises a good point. If your husband has a 5 year old child with his ex wife, and then you and your husband have a 4 year old child together, it suggests that you stole him from his exwife. How long were you dating your husband before you got married to him? And did he marry you because you got pregnant? Are his parents Catholic?
It seems that your in-laws were not approving of your husband marrying you and leaving behind his first wife with a baby. Hopefully they treat all their grandchildren the same, but if they don't like you, then just back off and don't force the issue. Maybe over time and you showing how good a wife you are to their son might change their mind.
Roselvr raises a good point. If your husband has a 5 year old child with his ex wife, and then you and your husband have a 4 year old child together, it suggests that you stole him from his exwife. How long were you dating your husband before you got married to him? And did he marry you because you got pregnant? Are his parents Catholic?
It seems that your in-laws were not approving of your husband marrying you and leaving behind his first wife with a baby. Hopefully they treat all their grandchildren the same, but if they don't like you, then just back off and don't force the issue. Maybe over time and you showing how good a wife you are to their son might change their mind.
He was never married to the 5 year olds mother, but yes, that's what I'm getting at, they have some sort of problem with her being the other woman or whatever.
IMO, she may not be able to do anything to make things right in their eyes, no matter what the situation was.
oversensitive is what they call you when they do something mean and stupid to you & you say something.
people get so used to wiping their feet on you, when you say something they think something is wrong with you. the #1 skill what is an attack, what is a defense. who did what. example-- i didnt attack you i was only defending myself.
The next time you're there, if there are still no pictures up, just ask your MIL why not. Tell her it makes you feel left out of their family. (No accusations or raised voices, please! -- Just a heart-to-heart chat.) I think you need to clear the air.
I completely agree with this advise.
Be honest with MIL and tell her that it hurts your feelings.
If she cares about you, she will change.
If she DOESN'T care about you, she won't change but at least then you'll know for sure where you stand with her & you can stop expecting any emotional connection with her.
Either way, it's a problem solved because your MIL's behavior is merely a reflection on what type of person SHE IS.
I'd also be on the lookout to make sure your husband doesn't start to mistreat you and make you feel unwanted like his mother does. There could be a reason why his EX left him..... maybe mother-in-law came in between THAT relationship also?
Be honest with MIL and tell her that it hurts your feelings.
If she cares about you, she will change.
If she DOESN'T care about you, she won't change but at least then you'll know for sure where you stand with her & you can stop expecting any emotional connection with her.
Depending on circumstances, I'd probably make this about the kids feelings, then my own.
I would say that "Susie" is getting older and mentioned to me why there were no pictures of her, her brother/us at your house, then take it from there saying that she had a hurt look on her face when she said it.
Or, that "Susie" is getting older and may notice/ask why there are no pictures.
I would then say something to the effect of, if you have a problem with me, don't take it out on my kids/your grand children please.
Depending on circumstances, I'd probably make this about the kids feelings, then my own.
I would say that "Susie" is getting older and mentioned to me why there were no pictures of her, her brother/us at your house, then take it from there saying that she had a hurt look on her face when she said it.
Or, that "Susie" is getting older and may notice/ask why there are no pictures.
I would then say something to the effect of, if you have a problem with me, don't take it out on my kids/your grand children please.
That's a good point also although I wonder if taking that tact might be better coming from the husband? This might solve the problem but it still leaves the question whether the MIL has a problem with her daughter-in-law.
If the relationship between grandma & mother remains strained, the children WILL eventually notice this as they get older.
Writing a heartfelt & GENTLE letter to her mother-in-law might be the easiest way.... sometimes people find it easier to 'listen' when they don't have to respond right away. In a face to face conversation, MIL might feel defensive & not able to budge.
oversensitive is what they call you when they do something mean and stupid to you & you say something.
people get so used to wiping their feet on you, when you say something they think something is wrong with you. the #1 skill what is an attack, what is a defense. who did what. example-- i didnt attack you i was only defending myself.
Sorry you're going through this. Generally, I let DH handle all the ILs issues (being out of sight, out of mind, but hovering behind the scenes) Now, I realize DH is not interested in conflict resolution, then the last result is to ignore it and put the kids' hapinness first.
The reality is you're not going to win this one. I would try not to plead, explain, and force my way into their hearts.
Just chuck it up as THEIR loss
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Generally, I let DH handle all the ILs issues (being out of sight, out of mind, but hovering behind the scenes
) Now, I realize DH is not interested in conflict resolution, then the last result is to ignore it and put the kids' hapinness first. 
