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We have been together over a year. Yes the lust is there, but this relationship has been different. We talk, we listen, we respect each other, I have learned things from him & he from me. We are growing together. I cant explain it, I can only say my past relationships were nothing like this one. I dont want it to change. I know I will do my part to keep it fresh & alive - I think he will too.
Let's hope it stays this way! It's refreshing to hear good things.
I think you need time away from both men to figure out what you really want from life and what you are really looking for in a husband. I'm not convinced that Mr. Ex is the guy for you. I think you are projecting your doubts about Mr. Security onto Mr. Ex. and that you have a somewhat "grass is greener" look.
Love trumps security in my book, but do you REALLY love either guy? Do you love the guy your ex is now, or do you love who he was and what you 2 had in the past? Take some time to seriously mull things over before you make a huge decision that will affect multiple people.
Well, it didn't take us long at all. How long have you been enjoying your lust and obsession ('cause that's what it is in reality)?
There's a cynical statement Sierra!!!
How long does a couple in love need to be together before it really qualifies as love and not just lust & obsession?
I am genuinely curious to know as I wonder about this myself.
I actually think it's maybe a year or two at the outside before the 'honeymoon' period wears off. You??
I agree that these feelings aren't fair towards my fiance, but i hardly think feeling these things makes me ruin men!! Geeze, i didn't beat his mother or cheat on him! I'm just confused and looking for advice.
As for the questionability of fate, well, that's a whole different debate. I do have control, but does everyone always know what the right choice is 100% of the time? I sure don't. I think i just have this fear of failure. Like I'm going to miss out on something. Maybe thats causing it all...and making me miss out on seeing what I have right now..
You don't think hurt, betrayal, being led on or being used (as a security blanket or plan B) ruins people. That's exactly what you are doing. You are holding on to him so that you aren't alone while you figure out what you want out of life. If he was doing that to you, how willing would you be to open your heart to the next person. Where do you think insecurity comes from? It comes from the memory of betrayal. Wondering if the new person you are with really loves you or is acting like they are so in love with you like the person before then did.
But why am I not surprised that someone who is as self-centered as you are wouldn't know that?
It seems you just want to be with your ex and your bf is just a "security blanket", and he probably doesn't deserve that. Too much doubts when you are supposed to be in love.
Agree with post, sounds like you never got over your ex. It sounds like you are reasonably young (<25) so there is no rush. Sounds like the current guy is someone you are comfortable with, but you get a spark from the ex....maybe its because he was a high school crush and knows you better.
You don't think hurt, betrayal, being led on or being used (as a security blanket or plan B) ruins people. That's exactly what you are doing. You are holding on to him so that you aren't alone while you figure out what you want out of life. If he was doing that to you, how willing would you be to open your heart to the next person. Where do you think insecurity comes from? It comes from the memory of betrayal. Wondering if the new person you are with really loves you or is acting like they are so in love with you like the person before then did.
But why am I not surprised that someone who is as self-centered as you are wouldn't know that?
Kudos to you for never having a doubt or wrong thought in your life...you're a better person than I for sure! You seem to keep missing the fact that I DO have feelings for him. How can you be with someone so long and not? He's my best friend. And its not a new person, that's half the problem, it's an ex. If I genuinely didn't care, wouldn't I have left already? If I were SO self-centered....why would I be holding on to someone?
But why am I not surprised that someone who is as presumptuous and judgemental as you are wouldn't know that.
I am not even sure MOST lawyers make as much as money as people seem to think they do.
I'd choose love any day.
It's unfair to both of you to just marry the soon-to-be-lawyer.
What if he suddenly ran out of money to go to law school?
What if his career didn't take off?
What if he is paralyzed and can no longer work?
I'd much rather be struggling with someone I love than someone I can't stand.
Kudos to you for never having a doubt or wrong thought in your life...you're a better person than I for sure! You seem to keep missing the fact that I DO have feelings for him. How can you be with someone so long and not? He's my best friend. And its not a new person, that's half the problem, it's an ex. If I genuinely didn't care, wouldn't I have left already? If I were SO self-centered....why would I be holding on to someone?
But why am I not surprised that someone who is as presumptuous and judgemental as you are wouldn't know that.
CES wasn't talking about you in this situation, she was talking about your fiance. How will he be able to trust that the next person who comes along after you really loves him, or is just stringing him along trying to decide between him and an old love he knows nothing about.
I'm in that situation myself. It took me forever to get over my ex-fiance and I wonder if I'll ever be able to trust anyone the same way again. After all, if someone I loved so much could do what he did, how do I know that the next guy who says "I love you" really means it. After all, my ex-fiance said those words but never meant them. He only admitted that after he broke up with me.
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It's refreshing to hear good things.
That's exactly what you are doing. You are holding on to him so that you aren't alone while you figure out what you want out of life. If he was doing that to you, how willing would you be to open your heart to the next person. Where do you think insecurity comes from? It comes from the memory of betrayal. Wondering if the new person you are with really loves you or is acting like they are so in love with you like the person before then did.
