Are grown up children affected by divorce?

[CA4Now]

Originally Posted by kc2sweet4ne1

It depends.... It depends on HOW the divorce was handled and what the causes were.

Definitely true. I also think that children who are very young when their parents divorce make a better adjustment. There is no possible way that a kid--of any age--would not be affected in some way by his/her parents' divorce. Reading Judith Wallerstein's books is very helpful (The Unexpected Legacy of Divorce and Second Chances) in understanding how the effects of divorce may hit people at different ages.

[DFWgal]

Originally Posted by Chickrae

I was married for 26 years and when I got divorced my children were 25, 23, 21, 19, 16. All the children seemed to handle the changes that came with the divorce ok except for my oldest child (25). He has made some unwise personal decisions in his life and my ex husband says the reason he has done these things is because of the divorce. I have been divorced for 7 years and I am still feeling responsible that his life is unhappy because I got the divorce. I just wondered if any of you had experiences with your divorces affecting older children. My parents divorced when I was in high school, and I seemed to come through it all ok, but with my son it has been puzzling to me.

Well, when you are 25 you of course can make some mistakes, but it's more than enought time to blame yourself instead of mommy and daddy, IMHO....

My aunty got divorced because the ex, a teacher, was cheating on her (for the zillionth time) with their daughter's teacher. (Actually they now live together and have a baby...). The girls were 16 and 14. The 14 years old was very angry with the woman and her dad, especially after he began pushing them to accept "the new sister" but after all, she was ok, especially supporting the mother when she collapsed after a while. The 16 years old, the calmest one, started eating, crying (trying to unsuccessfully reunite the parents), the "new baby" was terrible for her, and stopped studying so now instead of going to the university to become a teacher, is taking some cooking classes in a little institute. I don't say this is bad at all, but those are radical decisions...

So, I think, yes, grown up children can be easily affected too. Maybe more than little kids. I was very young when my parents divorced and I don't remember him at all from those years. Actually I "met" him at 18.

[Frihed89]

It's pretty normal to feel that way, especially if you weren't the greatest father in the world. Forgive yourself and give yourself permission to work on changing what you don't like about yourself.

[Knightes]

They certainly are. I think it's worse when you're a grown up. Your parents lose all inhibitions and have the most miserable fights in front of you.