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Children act out for a reason- If they aren't getting the attention they need some may act out in a negative way- Every child's behavior is situational, case-by-case, however, often enough, it's wise to look at the parents and the lack-of parenting they are doing ... I too often see parents who are divorced and suddenly running scared of being dateless or without a social life and so, they put their chiildren on the back burner instead of the front burner where ALL children belong until they are old enough to stand on their own ... Sickening to me. Then we hear, "Oh, I don't know what I did wrong" ... And too often, specialists are too quick to perscribe ritalin or other drugs. Try spending some quality one-on-one time with your kids, away for a parent-child bonding weekend- Fishing, camping, skiing, something that will bring you closer and make the child read your actions: I love you, you're my baby. Set a side one day a week where there are no computers, cell phones, or distractions and call it "Family day" and let your child pick the activity ... A museum, a park, something !
It probably will, but not from me. What's with that ADD today?! Every brat has ADD... And that Ritalin! Kids are kids and supposed to behave as such; only that somebody has to take responsibility and raise them right instead of stuffing them with pills. And even though many parents are lazy and prefer being "friends" instead of parents and take the path of least resistance, it's not only their fault. Their hands are tied unless they want to end up in jail for instilling some discipline. Too bad that law in NE (I think) is over with because if society's gonna tell you how to raise your children then you should be able to deliver the results at the society's door (I'm referring to the alarming number of teens parents were leaving).
You know, I think ADD and ADHD disorders are real medical phenomena, but they are far less prevalent than the number of diagnoses would imply. I think, by and far, it's really inattentive parenting that causes it. Kids then become ADD because they're given everything they want, so they bounce from one stimulus to the next. Or they are allowed to watch television for hours on end. If you sit down and watch Cartoon Network or Nick or Disney, you realize that the rapidfire graphics is almost perfect stimulus to train a child to become almost ADD in his or her behavior.
It always fascinates me parents who plop their kids down in front of a TV for hours upon hours, just to keep them out of their hair ... Then they complain, "My kid watches too much tv" ...
That's one way to keep your child down, and quiet. They do that in mental hospitials. Put the patients in front of televisions to keep them mellow and quiet ... LOL!
Did you ever stop to think about the stress the little girl was probably going through?
Yes, I did think about that many times. I'm a mother as well. That doesn't mean she should never be allowed to hit her father, or MY son, or anyone for that matter. There is only so far one can run with the excuse of a broken home.
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She came from a broken family being passed between parents and now daddy has a new girlfriend. Her mom was probably dating as well.
Yes, her home was broken up by divorce. It is unfortunate, but again, it doesn't excuse the blatant lack of respect. Divorce doesn't give any child a free pass to behave in that manner. She didn't act out in school, with me or with other people. She did with her parents and eventually my son. The issue was a lack of discipline. With my son, he couldn't show her a consequence so she worked it.
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You do not know what she was going through at her moms house.
Was the mom stable? Did she parade guys in and out? Was she fed and going to bed at regular times? Did her mother drag her around with her everywhere? Did daddy ever give her the attention she needed or did the girlfriend (you) hog up all the attention he should have been giving to the child?
I did know what was going on at her mom's, not all day every day, but she was a good mother. She was stable, she did not parade men around her daughter. The girl was more than fed and in bed at a reasonable hour, though it was usually because she just lost steam at a decent hour, not because her parents enforced it. She was in a good school, did very well and got more than enough attention. There was no hogging of attention on my end, they lived in separate homes, we eventually moved in together and his time with her never changed. There were two more people involved in his life, but he never took his focus off of her when she was with us. In fact we ALL made her our focus, including my son.
This isn't the nightmare divorce of two reckless maniacs. It was very non-combative. They were the example of the American dream; they came from good homes, both Ivy League educated, got married, bought a house, had a child, she was a housewife, he made 6 figures and they wanted for nothing - the rest is history. In considering the child's background, yours was the worst case scenario and that was far from how it was.
I had a boyfriend of 4 years a while back. His daughter was 4 when we started, my son was 13. There were a several factors in us breaking up, and his daughter wasn't one of them. But I remember thinking that not having to deal with her anymore was going to be a plus when I left him.
We didn't have her much over that 4 year period, but when we did it was disastrous. She never disrespected me, but she was a terror with her father. I found myself biting my tongue for the most part because he would not enforce the rules we BOTH agreed on or follow through on a consequence for breaking them, and I can't enforce what he keeps undoing. It was bad enough that she slapped and kicked her dad and never got punished for it, but she started doing it to my son, who just stood there and took it because she was just a little girl. I put a stop to that really quick, but the rest continued. The only good thing about it was that she didn't live with us. I just hoped she'd grow out of it or something, and if she didn't we'd cross that bridge if and when we got to it. We never got to it. I do wonder how she is now.
My question, would that type of child be a reason for you to walk away from a relationship? How would you have handled it?
Yes, I would walk away from it. I have enough of my own problems without having to deal with some snot-nosed brat. Then you try to correct the behavior and all of a sudden you have some wild-eyed ex all over your sh*t. No thank you!
Yes, I would walk away from it. I have enough of my own problems without having to deal with some snot-nosed brat. Then you try to correct the behavior and all of a sudden you have some wild-eyed ex all over your sh*t. No thank you!
LOL. That's definitely one way to put it.
I think that some parents forget that teaching a child boundaries and respect is not just their responsibility and it's not just for the sake of the child. It is also for sake of the lives their child touches. It doesn't mean they will always follow but the parent has to at least do their part.
I had a boyfriend of 4 years a while back. His daughter was 4 when we started, my son was 13. There were a several factors in us breaking up, and his daughter wasn't one of them. But I remember thinking that not having to deal with her anymore was going to be a plus when I left him.
We didn't have her much over that 4 year period, but when we did it was disastrous. She never disrespected me, but she was a terror with her father. I found myself biting my tongue for the most part because he would not enforce the rules we BOTH agreed on or follow through on a consequence for breaking them, and I can't enforce what he keeps undoing. It was bad enough that she slapped and kicked her dad and never got punished for it, but she started doing it to my son, who just stood there and took it because she was just a little girl. I put a stop to that really quick, but the rest continued. The only good thing about it was that she didn't live with us. I just hoped she'd grow out of it or something, and if she didn't we'd cross that bridge if and when we got to it. We never got to it. I do wonder how she is now.
My question, would that type of child be a reason for you to walk away from a relationship? How would you have handled it?
I wouldn't have stayed in the relationship as long as you did.
I had a boyfriend of 4 years a while back. His daughter was 4 when we started, my son was 13. There were a several factors in us breaking up, and his daughter wasn't one of them. But I remember thinking that not having to deal with her anymore was going to be a plus when I left him.
We didn't have her much over that 4 year period, but when we did it was disastrous. She never disrespected me, but she was a terror with her father. I found myself biting my tongue for the most part because he would not enforce the rules we BOTH agreed on or follow through on a consequence for breaking them, and I can't enforce what he keeps undoing. It was bad enough that she slapped and kicked her dad and never got punished for it, but she started doing it to my son, who just stood there and took it because she was just a little girl. I put a stop to that really quick, but the rest continued. The only good thing about it was that she didn't live with us. I just hoped she'd grow out of it or something, and if she didn't we'd cross that bridge if and when we got to it. We never got to it. I do wonder how she is now.
My question, would that type of child be a reason for you to walk away from a relationship? How would you have handled it?
Geeezz. I can't imagine putting up with that very long. I've always been a rather strict parent, and my ex is on the same page as I, so our son has had the same parenting from each of us, and he's is very respectful. I don't tolerate disrespect from my son's friends in my house, and they all know it, and heed the rules. I doubt I'd take it very long from a boyfriends' child. Very awkward situation, and I hope I'm never faced with it.
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And that Ritalin!
Kids are kids and supposed to behave as such; only that somebody has to take responsibility and raise them right instead of stuffing them with pills. And even though many parents are lazy and prefer being "friends" instead of parents and take the path of least resistance, it's not only their fault. Their hands are tied unless they want to end up in jail for instilling some discipline. Too bad that law in NE (I think) is over with because if society's gonna tell you how to raise your children then you should be able to deliver the results at the society's door (I'm referring to the alarming number of teens parents were leaving).
