NO ANGER HERE! (sorry, no anger here) (wife, married, guy)
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You know deep down all you are really wanting to do is escalate the situation to obscurity. Hiding problems doesn't make them go away and the only true way to deal with a problem is talk it out. Passive aggression is wrong in just about every case you can think of.
Have you ever tried not to get angry, as a weapon? Works for me.
I try to be a peaceful person, but I do have a temper. My husband and I used to argue a lot, and I would be angry all the time. I finally realized that constant anger was ruining my life. I had problems with anxiety and terrible nightmares, and I started having frightening daydreams.
I can't really remember what turned it around, but I let go of my anger. I have to deliberately stay calm when my husband is being cranky, because he can drive me a little nuts, but I try to remember that it's because he's hungry or frustrated, not because he doesn't love me. And I either try to help with whatever is making him angry, or I stay away from him. Sometimes I'll ask him calmly, "Why are you yelling?" I just try to diffuse the situation. He does the same with me--we have a house rule that only one o fus can freak out at any given time. I get frustrated by some things, and sometimes I have PMS and everything irritates me, but we just try to be nice to one another now. If I am stressed and snappy, he will come to me, hold me, and ask me what is bothering me, rather than rising to my anger and getting in an argument.
We go a long time between fights now, and our fights are short-lived and not at all like the ones we used to have. Life is so much more pleasant and content, and I am so grateful for that.
But a weapon? I try not to use emotional weapons against my family.
Outside of my family, I don't get in many arguments. I can't remember the last time someone tried to pick a fight with me.
When my ex and I broke up, she would scream at me, yell, try to get me in a fight. I felt like I was the wrong party, so I let her do it. She was right, I was wrong; let her scream at me...I deserved it.
Well, talk about a total backfire.
She thought my not getting mad and screaming back was some kind of tactic! It made her insane! Plus, it made her feel like I didn't care enough to fight back (which was partially true, but mostly, I felt like I had wronged her and she deserved to get out her anger and frustration without backlash). She told me her friends had told her I was doing it so I could seem like the bigger person.
I was like, "Seriously, no...I feel like I wronged you. I feel totally horrible about it. I feel like anything bad you want to say about me right now is probably true and I deserve it." I was sincerely not playing games, and I did not want to get drawn into any petty drama after we had broken up. No point to it.
But it really, really, really made her angry and just nuts!
Who knew the power of silence? If I were that kind of person, I would use it as a weapon. But I'm not.
I try to be a peaceful person, but I do have a temper. My husband and I used to argue a lot, and I would be angry all the time. I finally realized that constant anger was ruining my life. I had problems with anxiety and terrible nightmares, and I started having frightening daydreams.
I can't really remember what turned it around, but I let go of my anger. I have to deliberately stay calm when my husband is being cranky, because he can drive me a little nuts, but I try to remember that it's because he's hungry or frustrated, not because he doesn't love me. And I either try to help with whatever is making him angry, or I stay away from him. Sometimes I'll ask him calmly, "Why are you yelling?" I just try to diffuse the situation. He does the same with me--we have a house rule that only one o fus can freak out at any given time. I get frustrated by some things, and sometimes I have PMS and everything irritates me, but we just try to be nice to one another now. If I am stressed and snappy, he will come to me, hold me, and ask me what is bothering me, rather than rising to my anger and getting in an argument.
We go a long time between fights now, and our fights are short-lived and not at all like the ones we used to have. Life is so much more pleasant and content, and I am so grateful for that.
But a weapon? I try not to use emotional weapons against my family.
Outside of my family, I don't get in many arguments. I can't remember the last time someone tried to pick a fight with me.
GGGGGGGGGGREATpost .....try to remember what helped........did you change your diet? or your attitude? sounds like good self talk
When my ex and I broke up, she would scream at me, yell, try to get me in a fight. I felt like I was the wrong party, so I let her do it. She was right, I was wrong; let her scream at me...I deserved it.
Well, talk about a total backfire.
She thought my not getting mad and screaming back was some kind of tactic! It made her insane! Plus, it made her feel like I didn't care enough to fight back (which was partially true, but mostly, I felt like I had wronged her and she deserved to get out her anger and frustration without backlash). She told me her friends had told her I was doing it so I could seem like the bigger person.
I was like, "Seriously, no...I feel like I wronged you. I feel totally horrible about it. I feel like anything bad you want to say about me right now is probably true and I deserve it." I was sincerely not playing games, and I did not want to get drawn into any petty drama after we had broken up. No point to it.
But it really, really, really made her angry and just nuts!
Who knew the power of silence? If I were that kind of person, I would use it as a weapon. But I'm not.
a weapon is one use, but a pause .....a little refusing to talk and fight and then honest conversation can work wonders
Location: Everybody is going to hurt you, you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for-B Marley
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bluescityleon
Have you ever tried not to get angry, as a weapon? Works for me.
Yes. It's very self-empowering and really frustrates the person you're angry at when they can't get you to react. Reacting to another in anger makes them feel they have the upper hand. So, if you want the upper hand, keep doing that. LOL
Yes. It's very self-empowering and really frustrates the person you're angry at when they can't get you to react. Reacting to another in anger makes them feel they have the upper hand. So, if you want the upper hand, keep doing that. LOL
..perfect...think of solutions, it doesen't have to be your idea......look for the right solution, .If you ask a person " what is the best soluton"....you are not tying to munipulate , you are leading another to a peaceful conclusion, anger can be uncontroled thought......ever see a fight when one guys got anger and the other has a plan.....or a plan to develope a plan. Plan to make things better, develope a plan. Consider all possible solutions , ask what is the best solution. Visualize sucess.
You know deep down all you are really wanting to do is escalate the situation to obscurity. Hiding problems doesn't make them go away and the only true way to deal with a problem is talk it out. Passive aggression is wrong in just about every case you can think of.
what I try to do is wait until the heat is over then talk......trying to insert my point or discover the truth. I Meditate and practice being a calm communicator,,,,and not let any one get away with anything especially my goat .......it works and I learned this over time by practice,
Please don't make me angry. You wouldn't like me when I am angry.
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post .....try to remember what helped........did you change your diet? or your attitude? sounds like good self talk
