Can You Recommend Indicators of Suitability (date, women, lover, husband)
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In addition to the almost foolproof Waiter Test, here are a few others.
1) Do they get along with kids and animals? No, I'm not wild about dogs. But I get along with them fine. I can hold a conversation with kids.
2) Beyond the age of 21, have they reached some kind of peace with their parents? Now, if the father was a molester or if the mom left home when they were nine, that's one thing. But if it's an ordinary household, a 30-year-old should have long ago made peace with his or her parents, understanding that the folks probably did the best they could under the circumstances.
3) Is that person a good listener? Is that person really interested in you, or is he/she just looking for a way to talk about himself or herself some more?
4) Basic manners. 'Please' and 'Thank you' are indicators of a grateful heart. Anybody who doesn't use them in everyday life with those they know is someone who walks through life with a sense of entitlement. If anything, the people closest to you deserve the greatest degree of courtesy, not the least.
5) Lack of close friends. As in no friends. Or maybe one friend. The ability to make at least a handful of friends speaks to that person's ability to sustain or nurture relationships. Otherwise, they're probably just in it for themselves.
6) A star-crossed life. Have you ever met somebody who ALWAYS has stuff happening to him/her? As in losing jobs, having psycho exes, getting in trouble with the law, or continually having money problems. Now, here's the thing. When they talk about all that stuff, it is NEVER THEIR FAULT. Note that again. IT IS NEVER THEIR FAULT. What you have on your hands here is someone with no judgment, no basic self-awareness, and no honesty when looking at their own actions.
7) Ongoing money problems. By that, I mean people who are always tapping out their credit cards, getting behind on their rent/mortgage, and always borrowing money from friends. This means you're dealing with a person who cannot plan, and who is probably a slave to his/her appetites. Ideally, money should never get in the way of true love. But a partner who is irresponsible with money can also completely undermine the relationship by causing unnecessary stress.
8) Big television watcher. Hey, an hour or two here and there is okay. But people who watch TV 3-4-5 hours a night are people who have pretty much given up a great deal of their quality time in order to watch the idiot box. They typically are uncreative and are almost always surefire bores. Is this the kind of person you want to spend a great of time with?
9) Always late. Time is the stuff life is made of. If a person is always 20-30 minutes late for whatever you have planned, it means one of two things: Either they are chronically disorganized or they just don't respect you. Neither attribute is fun to have in your SO.
In addition to the almost foolproof Waiter Test, here are a few others.
1) Do they get along with kids and animals? No, I'm not wild about dogs. But I get along with them fine. I can hold a conversation with kids.
2) Beyond the age of 21, have they reached some kind of peace with their parents? Now, if the father was a molester or if the mom left home when they were nine, that's one thing. But if it's an ordinary household, a 30-year-old should have long ago made peace with his or her parents, understanding that the folks probably did the best they could under the circumstances.
3) Is that person a good listener? Is that person really interested in you, or is he/she just looking for a way to talk about himself or herself so more?
4) Basic manners. 'Please' and 'Thank you' are indicators of a grateful heart. Anybody who doesn't use them in everyday life with those they know is someone who walks through life with a sense of entitlement.
5) Lack of close friends. As in no friends. Or maybe one friend. The ability to make at least a handful of friends speaks to that person's ability to sustain or nurture relationships. Otherwise, they're probably just in it for themselves.
6) A star-crossed life. Have you ever met somebody who ALWAYS has stuff happening to him/her? As in losing jobs, having psycho exes, getting in trouble with the law, or continually having money problems. Now, here's the thing. When they talk about all that stuff, it is NEVER THEIR FAULT. Note that again. IT IS NEVER THEIR FAULT. What you have on your hands here is someone with no judgment, no basic self-awareness, and no honesty when looking at their own actions.
7) Ongoing money problems. By that, I mean people who are always tapping out their credit cards, getting behind on their rent/mortgage, and always borrowing money from friends. This means you're dealing with a person who cannot plan, and who is probably a slave to his/her appetites. Ideally, money should never get in the way of true love. But a partner who is irresponsible with money can also completely undermine the relationship by causing unnecessary stress.
8) Big television watcher. Hey, an hour or two a night is okay. But people who watch TV 4-5 hours a night are people who have pretty much given up a great deal of their lives in order to watch the idiot box. They typically are uncreative and are almost always surefire bores. Is this the kind of person you want to spend a great of time with?
I think all of those are good clues into someone's personality. The friend thing is a maybe, in my opinion--neither my husband nor I have very many close friends, although we're friendly. We have all the other traits, though.
I watch out for people who always have drama, which is close to your number 6. I find that people with lives full of drama generally invite it in, and after a while the entertainment factor just turns to exhaustion.
One that I would add is how they talk about other people. I knew a woman who had a lot of friends, but behind their back she would tell you everything she knew about them. To their face she was very sweet and complimentary. But behind their back, she would reveal of their secrets. Totally unreliable and backstabbing. Run, don't walk!!
1. Watch how they treat their mother. By that same token, how much influence do the parents have? Fine line between a lot and too much.
2. Definitely pop in and see how their home looks when they're not expecting guests.
3. This may sound rude, but you can usually tell by the exterior package...do they feel a healthy, active lifestyle is important? Do they believe strongly in taking care of themselves? Are there outward signs of extremely serious discipline?
(I find disciplined people insanely sexy...don't know why...)
4. Watch them drive. Driving is almost a socially consequenceless environment. It's really interesting how easy it is to spot people who are inattentive, rude, selfish, arrogant...and they can be b/c no one knows who they are and they can get away with it. I think a lot of people's true personalities come out in driving.
One that I would add is how they talk about other people. I knew a woman who had a lot of friends, but behind their back she would tell you everything she knew about them. To their face she was very sweet and complimentary. But behind their back, she would reveal of their secrets. Totally unreliable and backstabbing. Run, don't walk!!
Hey, that's a good one, too.
I went out to LA with a bunch of people to watch a football game. My sister goes, too, along with a bunch of her bitchy friends.
My brother out there throws a big party so all his LA friends can meet his family. It was just a great bunch of people and a really good party.
The next morning, while my brother was out of earshot, my sister's friends begin to tear down all these friends of my brother at the party. Just annoyed me beyond all belief.
Look in someone's refridgerator. Is there ice in the trays or did they break them out and fail to put fresh water in them.
This is such a simple thing to do and besides indicating a basic lazyness, it is an indicator of:
1) a failure to anticipate future needs and plan effectively for them.
2) a lack of consideration for others who will need ice and find none.
3) a belief that such things are "women's work".
4) perhaps, if the ice was needed for a mixed drink, a problem with alcohol.
That's a very old-fashioned test as not too many have ice trays anymore. Besides, if you don't share living quarters and leave them empty the only one out of ice is you. Guess it indicates lack of self-love... I have to say I've always loved myself enough to fill them up when I had them.
Quote:
Originally Posted by stan4
2. Definitely pop in and see how their home looks when they're not expecting guests.
Now this is plain mean! Does your place always look like a picture out of House Beautiful...?!
If they exhibit aggressive (loud talking, name calling, etc.) behavior towards other drivers on a continuous basis, that is a good indicator of NON-suitability.
That's a very old-fashioned test as not too many have ice trays anymore. Besides, if you don't share living quarters and leave them empty the only one out of ice is you. Guess it indicates lack of self-love... I have to say I've always loved myself enough to fill them up when I had them.
Now this is plain mean! Does your place always look like a picture out of House Beautiful...?!
Well, I see her point. I don't think she means that the place has to pass a white-glove inspection (Pshaw, whose would?).
At the same time, if the place looks like a train wreck with three-day-old dishes in the sink, crap everywhere, a weird funk in the air, fungus on the shower curtains, and an overflowing cat litter box, then you're dealing with somebody who is just a slob.
Mrs. CPG has a theory that compatibility is about comparative slobness tolerances. Because if you are an obsessive neatnik on your hands while your involved with a person who leaves food everywhere and can't pick up after himself, then you've got serious relationship problems coming up in about a week or two, max.
After all, it's a partnership AND a relationship. And if one person has to carry the load of all the responsibilities, he or she will become resentful in a fat-assed hurry.
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