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On the ride home after Christmas my husband was so angry. He just could not believe how rude my sisters and parents were to me every time I tried to bring up a topic of conversation. He told me that he wanted to speak up and defend me but was afraid that would be out of bounds and would only make matters worse.
I am very ill at ease with all of them and my self confidence is not what it should be so I am not going to speak up when they are mean to me. My husband on the other hand is very outspoken and self confident and can speak for himself.
What would you think if your husband or wife spoke up when you were being treated poorly at a family event?
After reading your other post, I would definitely let your dear husband have a word or two with your family members. They need to know their actions are not going unnoticed and that you are a united front with your husband!
My husband cut loose on my mother once and I felt protected...
Here's my thought on the matter. The first time they do it to you, it's their fault. The second time they do it to you, it's your fault. If you allow it, then they'll do it again.
As far as your husband is concerned, he's right to be angry. But it's your family and your relationship. You have to be an adult and deal with this on your own. Sorry.
Well, generally I like to speak for myself but there are situations where you feel you cannot.
I don't feel it would be out of line for your husband to speak up for you if you are in agreement with what he is going to say.
It is possible that you could speak for yourself and your relatives might just dismiss what you say as whining, complaining, or jealousy, but if your husband or a third party speaks for you they might pay attention.
Then again, they might not, if they are catty and rude they may dismiss him too, saying "well of course HE'S on HER side"
I don't think there's anything wrong with your husband defending you, but if he does this in front of you while you're just standing there looking humiliated, that's not going to garner any respect from your mean family. If you can't bear to stand up to them, or if that doesn't work, quit going over there.
Here's my thought on the matter. The first time they do it to you, it's their fault. The second time they do it to you, it's your fault. If you allow it, then they'll do it again.
As far as your husband is concerned, he's right to be angry. But it's your family and your relationship. You have to be an adult and deal with this on your own. Sorry.
I have to agree with CPG. Your family, your problem. If your husband wants to join in fine, but if you won't stand up for yourself then you are the one with the problem. jmho
Here's my thought on the matter. The first time they do it to you, it's their fault. The second time they do it to you, it's your fault. If you allow it, then they'll do it again.
As far as your husband is concerned, he's right to be angry. But it's your family and your relationship. You have to be an adult and deal with this on your own. Sorry.
But my husband said something to my mother when she was talking ugly when I was not there to defend myself...what should he have done?
Bad idea.
My uncle made the mistake of butting into a family issue between my aunt and the rest of us, feeling he was sticking up for her I guess. Now my aunt has made up with the family, but my uncle still feels too uncomfortable to associate with us, even though he was told he is welcomed. It was clear he overstepped the boundaries. I suppose if he apologized it might have helped.
My other aunt has had the same issue, and her husband is always smart to stay out of it. Then when she makes up with the family, he has no issue in associating with us. (Yeah, my aunts are crazy).
The husband should support his wife, but ultimately let her deal with her family issues.
But my husband said something to my mother when she was talking ugly when I was not there to defend myself...what should he have done?
Oh, well that's different. But if the OP and her husband are in the room with the family, it's her place, not his.
I would no more think of intervening in a spat between my wife and her controlling parents than fly to the moon. She's a big girl, and she's learned to assert herself.
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jmho
