Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Having been in a very disappointing marriage and now a truly wondeful one, I agree that the key is to marry the right person. The problem is, finding and determining who that is! Not rushing into marriage is a smart approach, and knowing someone and dating a good while can be helpful, to see how they respond in all kinds of situations and stresses. Everyone has flaws, so they have to have flaws you can live with, and otherwise be someone you don't want to live without. Bottom line: a good marriage is a thing of beauty, and a bad one is hell on earth.
I'm not married, but am in a long-term, cohabiting relationship, which is subject to nearly all the same pros as marriage, and, I imagine, most of what people who find cons in committed, long-term relationships would find to be cons. As for me, I haven't hit on any cons, yet.
For us, we haven't rushed marriage...we've lived together for four years, and know one another's strengths and flaws well. It's good to feel you really know somebody.
Pros: Happier
Always have someone to be there for you
Make more money
Pay less in taxes
Less depression
Fewer health problems
More stability
When you do you get sick, you heal faster (statistically speaking)
Virtually rid risk of STDs
Your standards are reasonable. i think the problem may be where you're looking. I would look into dating women from work. I realize this is not always feasible or advisable...but if you can date someone who doesn't work in the same department, etc...it could be one place to look.
Other places to look would be churches or other activity/hobby groups where there will be women.
The list provided by 90sman is accurate. Statistically speaking, people who get married and stay married tend to be happier and healthier than those who never marry and/or divorce. Anecdotally speaking, I also see evidence for this because I'm gay and single. Gay men have rates of depression that are off the charts.
Of course, to get married and stay married requires a certain social & emotional skill set. If you are an introvert, you will need to move outside your comfort zone in looking for women...but it will probably pay off if you select wisely. I highly recommend reading Is He Mr. Right? for more on that topic. Written for straight women but 90% of the advice is applicable to anyone.
PS...maybe you should ask the busybodies to set you up on dates with people who fit your basic standards.
Mysticaltyger, your advice is good, but unfortunately my church is geriatric and the main hobbies in my town are drinking, smoking, doing drugs, and sleeping around. My coworkers are also all married.
Like other posters have said - when you are married to the right person, there are no cons. I'm not saying everything is perfect - there is no such thing as perfection - but when it's the right person, living with out them just doesn't even occur to you.
I don't think as marriage as something you should do or shouldn't do - like it's some sort of choice that you have to commit yourself to making before you have even met the right person. If and when you meet the right person - you'll want to get married (or make some sort of committment - whatever that may be). If you don't meet the right person - getting married shouldn't be an option. Nobody should get married because they feel like they are supposed to or because they feel pressured.
Mysticaltyger, your advice is good, but unfortunately my church is geriatric and the main hobbies in my town are drinking, smoking, doing drugs, and sleeping around. My coworkers are also all married.
So where did your coworkers find their spouses? Did they import them?
People who are married aren't necessarily happily married. There is reporting bias in that only happily married people speak up, as society generally rewards "whining" with scorn. Thence why so many on CD are "happily married" posting on these threads.
As has been mentioned before, there are plenty of cons by getting married to the wrong person. I think people who are happily married give themselves too much credit for the statistical fortune of their choices. If their partner were to flip on them, and there's plenty of cases of people who flip after decades of marriage, you'd simply get caught in the nasty side of the marital contract without an out. That doesn't sound very much like a "pro" of marriage. I'm wise enough now to recognize humans are NOT steadfast, they're fickle. Some are, but the odds are not good. I wouldn't jump on those odds willy nilly, again as has been mentioned before.
The fact remains that I too was married, right round your age, and most of my peers remain married. The reality is that these people are generally "tolerant" of marriage, but they're not happy. Most marriages are a function of tolerance. This isn't semantics either; most would privately confess they are troubled by a lot of factions in their relationship, and most marriages encounter varying degrees of infidelity in the course of said marriage. 7 out of 10, in my anectodal accounting of my married peers. The other 3, yeah that's what we ALL aspire to attain, but few ever get. The odds don't look good.
Which is why the key is to learn how to derive happiness independent of companionship. With odds like that, what would happen if the scheme of "stop looking" yields you not ever finding what you seek? Then what? Oh, these posters never talk about that angle, they much rather blame you in the end anyways for being unable to attain life companionship to your standards and satisfaction. And if you didn't learn to derive happiness independent of companionship by the time you hit your late 30s, then you're pretty much up the creek. I do wish us all happiness in this world.
Ditto on the whole "finding the one" bit. For some of us dating at work is impractical, undesirable or outright unallowed (such as in my case). The bars and the internet are a non-starter, and gimme a break on joining a book club or other equally clisheish advice geared towards the slanted idea that only extroverts are the benchmark for human desirability.
So where did your coworkers find their spouses? Did they import them?
In my place of work, yes, literally imported them from their hometowns or colleges before going off to training (Im military). The places we work and are assigned to, no one educated sincerely has any chance of meeting an emotional, physical and vocational equal. I hate to pass judgement on these towns, but it is what it is. There's a reason they are devoid of jobs and 'desirable' bachelors/bachelorettes. For some, work truly is not a conduit of consequence.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
