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I was in an extremely controlling relationship when I was a teenager for four years. (don't ask why I stayed because I still don't know). I don't know how long you have been with this person but for me it progressed slowly over time. It started out with less time with friends until he eventually he wanted me to cut them out completely. He was jealous of any male friends I had and was always sure there was something going on between us. He tried to tell me who I could and couldn't talk to. What activities I should take part in. Constantly looking through my phone. I was always accused of lying about the smalles things....the list could go on and on about all the aspects of my life he wanted to control. But it eventually led to violence. Don't know if that helps at all but that was my experience.
Hubby and I are not the least bit possessive and very happy. If he did not want this life and to be married to me - he would not have asked.
We have spent parties and dinners with other couples and realized after getting into the car that we said 5 words to each other the whole night. - I was talking to the girls and he to the guys.
We are not possessive, but love and respect one anothers' creativity and friendships.
Two questions about this topic that is bouncing around my head :-
a) What are the signs of a possessive BF/GF?
b) If a BF/GF is possessive, will he/she become less so after marriage?
Signs are when you cannot talk with any member of the opposite sex that isn't a close relative without suspicions and questions and accusations. A coworker calls to ask a question about a work matter and a possessive partner will become jealous, if you run into buddies of the opposite sex, share a joke, talk about anything, a nomal BF/GF doesn't blink an eye, a possessive one will be set off. Monopolization of your time is a sign.
No, normally after marriage it becomes worse because possessive people see marriage as a kind of ownership of another person.
He used to check my phone messages, then get all upset when he sees messages from my guy friends (messages like "Miss you" or "hugs".. friends send messages like these too, at least i send messages like these to my friends - guys & gals) I blew up at him over this... he is a bit better over this matter - Now he looks at my phone longingly, then give me goo goo eyes, and asks permission if he can read a certain sms that caught his eye.
Then there was also a time where he used to call anybody and everybody when he could not get through to me. Sometimes, I am out with the girls and was too engrossed in chatting to notice my phone.. Well, I blew up at him over this too because he actually called my mum in the middle of the night and made my family worry. So far he has refrained from calling my family or my friends anymore.
Recently we had another episode. He would call me online with skype, leave the connection running and do his own things. Then the moment he hears the sound that skype makes when someone messages you on my computer, he would ask me if I was chatting to somebody else besides him. Now, sometimes, when I open zip files, a similar sound is made... and he does not believe me when I tell him during those moments that, I am really not talking to anybody. He says I am acting strange, hiding something.... huuhh??
Based on such incidents.. I believe I am right to say that he is going overboard with his possessiveness.. and I am not the unreasonable party. But sometimes when we argue, he says I am the strange one and other girls do not act like me. Example : He says it is not normal that I do not act jealous, check his phone or mind that he goes out with the boys. Is he right.. am I the wierdo in this relationship??
So, we go through this episodes over and over... him going into possessive mode, and me blowing up, then trying to make him understand that he is being unreasonable. Each episode after a lot of drama, he will say that he understands and he will change. Will we get thru this eventually? I do see that he is trying and throughout the years, there have been changes for the better - I mean, I used to get like 100 miss calls on my phone... but now it is not happening anymore. However, isit because he truly understands, or could it be just him holding it in, and one day, he might explode and all these things will re-emerge again? Can possessiveness really be lessened or eventually cured? After marriage, will it give him security and he would not be so worried of losing me? We both want to make our relationship work out (he is a great guy, almost can be considered dream guy by many, only major problem is his possessiveness)
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