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Old 01-19-2009, 11:37 PM
3 posts, read 152,425 times
Reputation: 40


i'll give some background to the situation...

i had been dating my now ex-girlfriend for over 11 months. we never had a fight. she is a great girl but i just, while dating her, never saw her as someone i would ultimately marry. we did everything together--movies, concerts, sporting events, restaurants, etc.

we had a talk about 3 months ago and what came out of it is that I told her eventually I wanted to date other people. I basically gave her every reason to dump me right then but she didn't. For awhile, I couldn't bring myself to break up with her until this week, when on a whim, I decided to do it. Didn't think anything through...just decided to say we should see other people.

When I met her, I had just moved to a big city halfway across the country and knew very few people. my world out here was centered with and around her.

I had spent awhile looking around at my friends...ones who were in new relationships and head over heels. or moving in with their girlfriend. or getting engaged. although I had an amazing girl, I didn't have those same raw feelings. Maybe I was scared, maybe I didn't want to hurt her, maybe...I dont know. We were about to book a vacation together and I hit the "panic" button.

While I never thought we'd go the distance, breaking up with her is bringing out some different feelings about her. I am thinking about her all the time (that's nothing new). I want to see how shes doing but know that will make it worse for her. I feel like I blew it big time. I miss her.

Anyone want to help me make sense of my feelings and help me get my head on straight? I know it takes time but I also have never been on the "giving" end of a long term relationship like this.

Thanks in advance.
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Old 01-19-2009, 11:39 PM
3 posts, read 152,425 times
Reputation: 40
btw...I realize that some of you will be like "whats the big deal...he didn't like her all that much. just shut up and move on".

I also had never been in a long term relationship like this. and my feelings for her were deeper than i thought.
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Old 01-19-2009, 11:41 PM
Location: In my skin
9,230 posts, read 15,879,728 times
Reputation: 9160
It's normal to miss her if you care for her. But don't go back to her if you can't give her 100%, if that's what she wants.
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Old 01-19-2009, 11:45 PM
47,531 posts, read 67,094,000 times
Reputation: 22417
If you never had a fight, there probably wasn't enough to even fight about. You like her but there's no passion.

I would give yourself and her some time apart. Right now there is a void because you were used to someone being there, and now it's over but if you're meant for each other, I assume you're still both young and time will tell. It sounds to me like you miss her as a companion but were at a point you realized something was missing.
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Old 01-20-2009, 12:14 AM
Location: St. Augustine, FL. & Austin, TX.
440 posts, read 1,630,287 times
Reputation: 329
I agree with Pass and Malamute... You need to find something to distract yourself, no, not other women at the moment.

Go on a trip, organize a guys night/weekend, something... If you still feel the way you're feeling about her now in a couple of weeks/months, then contact her.

Don't go running back because you're lonely, and just need to fill a void.
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Old 01-20-2009, 12:15 AM
Location: southern california
61,284 posts, read 84,027,053 times
Reputation: 55463
keep walking it will get better.
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Old 01-20-2009, 12:20 AM
Location: In the Pearl of the Purchase, Ky
10,265 posts, read 16,010,692 times
Reputation: 41422
It's called withdrawals
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Old 01-20-2009, 05:20 AM
Location: Tennessee
16,224 posts, read 24,738,506 times
Reputation: 24085
She`s a habit, like the others have mentioned.
Its possible that you didn`t realize how much you cared for her, until she was gone, but I agree with the rest here, give it some time.
Your heart will let you know how it really feels, in time.
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Old 01-20-2009, 07:08 AM
5,957 posts, read 14,498,795 times
Reputation: 6663
Date a few more women, then see if you still feel the same of her.

I must say though, many times with women, once you poison the relationship in the manner in which you did, and get back together, it rarely works out in the long run. You've handed her a prize that she will haunt you with whenever the mood strikes her, and if you are honest, you will have to agree and take the abuse.

Take it for what it was, a valuable lesson in relationships and what not to do!
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Old 01-20-2009, 07:33 AM
378 posts, read 745,440 times
Reputation: 327
Sounds like you're waivering because you're lonesome. Not a good reason to get back together.
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