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Old 01-28-2009, 04:34 AM
 
1,577 posts, read 3,449,475 times
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I SO is very insecure and I have to be sneaky about getting "me time".

I need it mostly because I'm home with them 24 hours a day. There is no time I'm not physically with them. Once in awhile my SO will go on a business trip and the kids will be at school and its like a mini-vacation for me for 4-5 hours.

But most of the time I have to be up at the pre-dawn hours when they are asleep to be able to get things done and concentrate on stuff like bills or just killing time here (for instance) and not have to worry about what someone else wants or is saying right now. Or have to hear myself think over the tv and constant talking and arguing all day long.

When school is on break, omg, its 24/7 chaos, except when they are asleep at night. Basically I babysit for 18 hours a day when they are home all day and get very little done outside of babysitting. I try to incorporate my chores into the babysitting.

For whatever reason my SO does not understand and finds the idea of alone time offensive, like your leading a double life. Its crazy. They refuse to compromise or see it my way at all, so I'm stuck having to force a compromise by getting up at the wee hours to get any time to myself.

Anyone else?
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Old 01-28-2009, 04:48 AM
 
Location: St. Augustine, FL. & Austin, TX.
440 posts, read 1,577,104 times
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No offense, but if I'm understanding this correctly, your children are your biological/legal children? Why on earth would you consider calling parenting, "babysitting"???

That's always bothered me...
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Old 01-28-2009, 04:56 AM
 
Location: Incognito
7,005 posts, read 19,463,622 times
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In my marriage "Me Time" does not exist.
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Old 01-28-2009, 04:59 AM
 
1,577 posts, read 3,449,475 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by KWPN View Post
No offense, but if I'm understanding this correctly, your children are your biological/legal children? Why on earth would you consider calling parenting, "babysitting"???

That's always bothered me...
Whatever term you'd like to use for: "being with your Autistic children all day for 18 hours from 5am to 11pm because they don't need much sleep and never stop talking and moving all day long" and the additional fun of an ADHD adult spouse that constantly talks and can never seem to be more than 20 feet from you all day

Whatever word you'd like to use (if thats Parenting then so be it), but I still need a break once in awhile besides sleeping and being in the bathroom and don't feel anyone should see the illogic in that.

One does get tired of hearing about cartoon characters from the moment they get up to the moment they go to bed
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Old 01-28-2009, 05:03 AM
 
1,577 posts, read 3,449,475 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mr.Cat View Post
In my marriage "Me Time" does not exist.
That really sux if your just home all day. Now if you get to go to work and your physically away from them for a little while, thats at least something.

I can't ever concentrate or hear myself think all day and it really gets to me. Unless I go sit in the bathroom and take 10, I don't get time to regroup during the daylight hours (when school is out, which is alot this time of year)

Last edited by Jackyfrost01; 01-28-2009 at 05:12 AM..
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Old 01-28-2009, 05:03 AM
 
Location: New Zealand and Australia
7,456 posts, read 12,185,888 times
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Too much of anything is not healthy.....everyone needs me time.
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Old 01-28-2009, 05:05 AM
 
Location: New England
1,159 posts, read 2,227,701 times
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Alone time and down time are definitely needed. Your SO is wrong in thinking that it is "offensive". EVERYBODY needs a break.

Have them switch places with you for a day, and maybe they MIGHT see the light.

I don't have any kids, and this is partially the reason. I need my down time. Selfish, yes, to some degree.

Try to talk to your SO and work out a balance. Is he a good father (hope I have that right), and does he help out at all, other than his work??



on edit: I feel for you havina an Autisitc child, and an ADHD spous. Not easy.
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Old 01-28-2009, 05:07 AM
 
1,577 posts, read 3,449,475 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DFOR View Post
Alone time and down time are definitely needed. Your SO is wrong in thinking that it is "offensive". EVERYBODY needs a break.

Have them swith places with you for a day, and maybe they MIGHT see the light.

I don't have any kids, and this is partially the reason. I need my down time. Selfish, yes, to some degree.

Try to talk to your SO and work out a balance. Is he a good father (hope I have that right), and does he help out at all, other than his work??
Yes he does help out, but the kids really don't listen to him unless they "have" to.

And yes single folks need downtime too, they just have a greater freedom to pick and choose when that will be
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Old 01-28-2009, 05:07 AM
 
Location: New Zealand and Australia
7,456 posts, read 12,185,888 times
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Sit your husband down and talk to him about it, explain your situation like you have with us. "I need my own time, from time to time. Nothing personal at all, you know I love you etc etc"
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Old 01-28-2009, 05:35 AM
 
Location: New Zealand and Australia
7,456 posts, read 12,185,888 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by dave nz View Post
Sit your husband down and talk to him about it, explain your situation like you have with us. "I need my own time, from time to time. Nothing personal at all, you know I love you etc etc"
Furthermore.....de-sensitise the whole issue. Find some literature that supports getting your own quality time in a marriage (I'm sure there is plenty) that shows it important for well being. Show him that first and start your talk from there.
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