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Old 02-01-2009, 05:54 PM
 
Location: The O.C.--Soon, ATL
670 posts, read 2,110,563 times
Reputation: 654

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Here's a question for anyone who's tried online dating: Do you think it's okay for a woman to contact a man first on an internet dating site? If you're a woman, have you ever done it and if so, did it work for you?
If you're a guy who received an email from a woman, did you think it was okay, or too forward?

In the real world, I would never approach a guy I didn't know and ask him if he'd like to sit down and chat, or exchange phones numbers with a guy and then call him first, but do the rules of dating etiquette still apply online? I guess this might seem oldfashioned, but I always thought that unless a guy made the first move, he probably isn't really that interested and if that's the case, any relationship that forms is doomed to fail. But recently, I was talking to a guy who is also online, and he told me that he waits for women to contact him so that HE knows they really like him. (So I guess chivalry is dead? Lol.) Anyway, most of the guys write in their profile "drop me a line if you're interested", "if you have any questions, just ask", etc., but I'm still hesitant to be the one to make the first move.

So what do you think, okay to contact first? And if so, what do you ladies usually say in the first email?
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Old 02-01-2009, 05:56 PM
 
Location: Tucson
42,831 posts, read 87,989,002 times
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Yes, I have, and if I am to do it again, that'll be actually the only way to go.
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Old 02-01-2009, 06:03 PM
 
Location: The O.C.--Soon, ATL
670 posts, read 2,110,563 times
Reputation: 654
Quote:
Originally Posted by sierraAZ View Post
Yes, I have, and if I am to do it again, that'll be actually the only way to go.

Does that mean the guys that contacted you didn't work out? Or that you had more control over who you got to know online because you picked them?
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Old 02-01-2009, 06:10 PM
 
Location: Tucson
42,831 posts, read 87,989,002 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by shania View Post
Or that you had more control over who you got to know online because you picked them?
Yeah, I prefer having control over it even if it means accepting rejection. I'd put up the most basic profile possible without a picture and even hide it or exclude it from searches (whatever the rules of the site might be). Who wants all kinds of jerks hitting on ya...?! You can always exchange pictures shortly after contact.
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Old 02-01-2009, 06:19 PM
 
Location: Chicago, IL
8,998 posts, read 14,751,288 times
Reputation: 3545
Sure it's fine.
If you really want the guy, GO FOR IT!
Do you know how boring it would be if we all waited for THE OTHER person to make the move?
I know I'd still be single!

I like it when someone tries to talk to me instead of me being the one to go up to them BUT if I really like someone, I'll let them know.
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Old 02-01-2009, 06:27 PM
miu
 
Location: MA/NH
17,764 posts, read 40,056,684 times
Reputation: 18067
Sure, why not? After all, you signing up for the site is proof that you are looking for men to date. Why play coy? On the other hand, while it's fine to make the first contact, I'd suggest being sensible about keeping the pace slow. Don't jump into meeting anyone quickly. Suggest a lunch date first. And if after the first contact and as you get to know him better, if you decide you don't like him, don't be afraid to be rude and back out of proceeding further.
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Old 02-01-2009, 07:21 PM
 
Location: The O.C.--Soon, ATL
670 posts, read 2,110,563 times
Reputation: 654
Okay, so what do you usually write in the first email. Ask if they'd be interested in "talking" and getting to know each other via email? Ask them a question about something in their profile? Or?

Can you tell I'm new at this and completely clueless?
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Old 02-01-2009, 07:47 PM
 
37,477 posts, read 45,720,024 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by shania View Post
Okay, so what do you usually write in the first email. Ask if they'd be interested in "talking" and getting to know each other via email? Ask them a question about something in their profile? Or?

Can you tell I'm new at this and completely clueless?
Sure it's fine to contact them first. I've done it, though not often. Usually I wait for the guy to make the first move...but sometimes you gotta take the bull by the horns.

It's always nice to mention something from their profile, shows you read it! Just say hi, and let them know you'd be interested in getting to know more about them, and leave it short. Nothing worse than those dorks that send a 2 page letter - surefire way to get my "delete" finger working.
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Old 02-01-2009, 07:55 PM
 
Location: The O.C.--Soon, ATL
670 posts, read 2,110,563 times
Reputation: 654
Thanks, I guess I will try this. A lot of guys have been looking at my profile, but not contacting me. (like 128 yesterday)...Should I not contact them since that means they looked at what I wrote and didn't contact me, and just concentrate on guys who didn't look at all? Or should I assume since they looked, they were slightly interested?

...I guess I'm really overthinking this.
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Old 02-01-2009, 08:10 PM
 
37,477 posts, read 45,720,024 times
Reputation: 56980
Quote:
Originally Posted by shania View Post
Thanks, I guess I will try this. A lot of guys have been looking at my profile, but not contacting me. (like 128 yesterday)...Should I not contact them since that means they looked at what I wrote and didn't contact me, and just concentrate on guys who didn't look at all? Or should I assume since they looked, they were slightly interested?

...I guess I'm really overthinking this.
Trust me...give it some time. It really takes a while to learn the ropes. When you first go on, yeah...you'll get a jillion guys checking you out because you are new, and everyone looks at the new people first. Just because they looked, doesn't mean they are interested. If they KEEP looking, then probably the interest is there. But that doesn't mean you can't contact them anyway, if you want. Just don't get too caught up in expecting everyone to reply - many never do, even just as a courtesy. It's not a place for the thin-skinned, but it can be a lot of fun and you can meet some great people. I would say give it a week or so and let things calm down a bit.
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