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I've seen people of both genders say that they don't want someone who's "clingy"--so what's the alternative?
Would you feel better if you and your SO lived in separate homes, and they only spent time with you when it was convenient for YOU? Like, maybe, you snap your fingers and they drop everything they're doing and rush over to you?
I thought your SO was supposed to be someone you WANTED in your life. You could very easily be alone. Is your SO nothing more than your "booty call"?
Really--what's the issue with "too much" togetherness? I have to assume that at least one of you works an eight hour shift, and you don't have your SO around during that time--or maybe you do, I wouldn't date someone from work though.
When I think of clingy, I think smothering. Someone who needs constant attention and reassurance or who is constantly fawning, following you about like a lost puppy.
Clingy is difficult to define, because it's subjective. Clinginess is irritating, but there's no definition of what too much attention is. It's like needy.
My husband and I enjoy one another's company very much. We've worked together in the same department, just a couple cubes away, driven to and from work together, eaten lunch together, and then of course gone home and spent the evening together and slept together. This is very pleasant and we don't get on each other's nerves. Other people might find this stifling.
clingy is texting you 3000 times a day while you're at work. and then nags you when you get home because they're bored and they expect you to entertain them.
clingy to me includes when they're hungry they say "i'm hungry" not "lets go get something to eat" or "wanna make dinner with me?"
its a codependance that grinds on you. its having rules set on you that you didn't agree to, and then being watched every second to make sure you don't break them, which you wouldn't normally do, but because your clingy S.O. is worried about losing you, they are paranoid.
i have no problem with slightly clingy. its attention and i love attention.
but when clingy comes with entitlement, expectations, and drama, i run for the hills.
Last edited by Orincarnia; 09-15-2010 at 08:47 AM..
Clingy is not able to have a life of your own outside of your SO. I love my husband but don't want to be around him ALL the time. Certain personality traits are specific to clingy such as whiny, needy, low self-esteem, etc. which are draining to any relationship.
The key is to find balance between enjoying spending time together and doing a happy dance inside when you get time alone by yourself.
The alternative to clingy is having your own friends and interests, some of which overlap with those of your SO and some of which don't. The time you spend together is fun and fulfilling, but so is the time you spend apart. If your SO wants to spend time doing something that doesn't interest you, you don't have a problem with that and can occupy yourself. The same is true if you want to do something that doesn't interest your SO.
Even with my kids when they were little, I never was the "coddling" (sp?) type. I can't stand being smothered and touched and fawned over all the time and I raised my kids the same. We all need our space at times, all don't like being all touchy-feely all the time.
I love my SO, love my kids. They are ALL my life... but - too much attention is NOT a good thing.. LOL
Sometimes my SO really gets into a "touchy" mood and is constantly patting my arse or something so I have to ask him to back off a bit. It really irks me LOL For me, a hug, and a kiss is fine, i don't require nor desire handholding, constant cuddling, etc...
I've seen people of both genders say that they don't want someone who's "clingy"--so what's the alternative?
Would you feel better if you and your SO lived in separate homes, and they only spent time with you when it was convenient for YOU? Like, maybe, you snap your fingers and they drop everything they're doing and rush over to you?
I thought your SO was supposed to be someone you WANTED in your life. You could very easily be alone. Is your SO nothing more than your "booty call"?
Really--what's the issue with "too much" togetherness? I have to assume that at least one of you works an eight hour shift, and you don't have your SO around during that time--or maybe you do, I wouldn't date someone from work though.
Actually my husband and I do work together. But even if we didn't, I would still occasionally want to spend time on my own or with friends/family apart from my husband. Just because someone wants to retain some individuality in a relationship doesn't mean they want to live in separate homes and treat their SO as nothing more than a "booty call". Just because I sometimes want to spend time with my friends/family and have some hobbies/interests he doesn't share with me doesn't mean we do nothing together but have sex. What a ridiculous leap to make. I really wonder where people come up with these ideas
2. Quick Attachment and Expression "The Loser" has very shallow emotions and connections with others. One of the things that might attract you to "The Loser" is how quickly he or she says "I Love You" or wants to marry or commit to you. Typically, in less than a few weeks of dating you'll hear that you're the love of their life, they want to be with you forever, and they want to marry you. You'll receive gifts, a variety of promises, and be showered with their attention and nice gestures. This is the "honeymoon phase" - where they catch you and convince you that they are the best thing that ever happened to you. Remember the business saying "If it's too good to be true it probably is (too good to be true)!" You may be so overwhelmed by this display of instant attraction, instant commitment, and instant planning for the future that you'll miss the major point - it doesn't make sense!! Normal, healthy individuals require a long process to develop a relationship because there is so much at stake. Healthy individuals will wait for a lot of information before offering a commitment - not three weeks. It's true that we can become infatuated with others quickly - but not make such unrealistic promises and have the future planned after three dates. The rapid warm-up is always a sign of shallow emotions which later cause "The Loser" to detach from you as quickly as they committed. "The Loser" typically wants to move in with you or marry you in less than four weeks or very early in the relationship.
Ok, as stated in another Thread on this Forum, we are most likely much older (in our early 60's) than the average posters here, but here is our take on "clingy": When we first met, we found out that both of us had placed a Personal Ad to meet someone. I met her thru her ad. We both were looking for a relationship and even marriage. We matched there! We both had "clingy" personalities.......another match! Other than the job hours, we do a whole lot of things together, including shopping. This is just the way we like our marriage. Our boat goes out on the water, she is on it with me. She has her own rod/reel for fishing. Go to the Range, she is right there as well. We aren't welded to each others hip, but we love doing most everything together.
I was pretty "clingy" towards ladies I met before meeting her and they all dumped me. Not her!
I've seen people of both genders say that they don't want someone who's "clingy"--so what's the alternative?
Would you feel better if you and your SO lived in separate homes, and they only spent time with you when it was convenient for YOU? Like, maybe, you snap your fingers and they drop everything they're doing and rush over to you?
I thought your SO was supposed to be someone you WANTED in your life. You could very easily be alone. Is your SO nothing more than your "booty call"?
Really--what's the issue with "too much" togetherness? I have to assume that at least one of you works an eight hour shift, and you don't have your SO around during that time--or maybe you do, I wouldn't date someone from work though.
You make it sound like the only choice is between the two extremes, either clingy or aloof. How bout just somewhere in the middle? Wanting your own personal space and not wanting to do every single thing with your partner doesn't mean you don't want them in your life or that you're only interested in them for sex. It just means that you want to still feel like an individual and not like you're conjoined twins. By asking what the alternative to clinginess is, you're suggesting there are only two choices, which is flat out wrong. People in healthy relationships know how to give their partners the proper amount of attention and spend plenty of quality time together where you're not feeling like you need more. And if you respect your partner, you'll let them be their own person, not smother them with attention or follow them everywhere they go.
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