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Old 02-04-2009, 04:48 PM
 
Location: Jacksonville, Fl
838 posts, read 1,749,914 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by go phillies View Post
I don't need an office spouse, I already have a wife that I'm perfectly happy with.
It's not a need, and I'm perfectly happy with my wife also.
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Old 02-04-2009, 04:49 PM
 
Location: Land of 10000 Lakes +
5,554 posts, read 6,361,233 times
Reputation: 8562
Quote:
Originally Posted by go phillies View Post
I don't need an office spouse, I already have a wife that I'm perfectly happy with.
I was perfectly happy with my husband, but it was nice to have someone see an expression or hear a word that I could comment on to a colleague who also shared the day to day stuff that my husband couldn't.
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Old 02-04-2009, 07:52 PM
 
Location: Brentwood, TN
8,000 posts, read 17,801,314 times
Reputation: 12348
Quote:
Originally Posted by DennyCrane View Post
First of all, I don't see why it matters if the friend is of the opposite sex. A lot of people have friends who aren't the same gender. If you trust your partner, you shouldn't have a problem with it. Second, sometimes it's easier to talk to someone you work with, especially if it's about stuff going on at work. No matter how close you are to your partner, they can't always understand what it's like for you at your job, particularly they're in a completely different field. Third, people flirt all the time and it's usually harmless.
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Old 02-04-2009, 08:13 PM
 
Location: The best little city in the country
267 posts, read 845,069 times
Reputation: 372
I have an office husband. When I was married, my husband and I worked in very different career fields, so we couldn't exactly hold conversations about work. I knew nothing about jet engines, he knew nothing about finance or business deals. We loved each other, but we didn't get into the "how was your day" kind of stuff.

My office spouse on the other hand, is the person I can lament to when deadlines are looming, and IT is giving me a headache, or EBITDA comes in below what I needed to pay out a bonus. When my kids give me a hard time, he has a story about one of his kids (who are about 10 years older than mine) that makes me feel better about mine. We also flirt mildly with each other, because it passes the time at work faster.

And - sometimes, I sneak into his office and screw with the settings on his computer, since he's IT. And, I'll come into my office after a meeting, and find random post it note hellos, or smiley faces made out of candy from the reception desk.

It's all completely friends only, but its also fun, and frivolous, and helps you keep from burning out to fast at the office, in my opinion.
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Old 02-05-2009, 07:16 AM
 
Location: Tennessee
4,739 posts, read 7,932,541 times
Reputation: 2961
With the exception of my current business I have always had an office spouse. I think its only natural that people bond with like minded people, a shared interest with someone you spend that much time around. Office Spouse can also be interchanged with Smoking Buddy. We had a common area in a section of a business I once worked at where everyone could retreat to. One of the cool things about having an office spouse is you can have fun with it.

She crashes her car, I take a hammer to a matchbox car and put it on a key chain.

She innocently walks in on two employees during an inappropriate moment and another employee and I call her into a room with a hand puppet and a teddy bear and ask if she can point to wear they were touching.

Comradery at its finest and nothing more.
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Old 02-05-2009, 08:11 AM
 
28,900 posts, read 50,377,510 times
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You know, if you work in an office with somebody, you're spending more time with that person during your waking hours than you will with your spouse. You might as well have some kind of relationship beyond talking about work and the weather. I think that makes the environment more enjoyable and, 99% of the time, is perfectly innocent.

However, I think there are boundaries that shouldn't be crossed. Meeting for lunch, drinks, or dinner would be a big no-no, unless you were traveling on business together. Even then, I think one should be cautious about matters. Having had a number of colleagues and clients attempt to cross the line with me over the years, I have become much more wary in these situations. Admittedly, it's a balancing act between putting a kibosh on any mischief and ruining the professional relationship.

I have one long-term client with whom I kind of have an office spouse relationship, but with whom I have kept things strictly proper. She and I were driving to a meeting out of town back in the Spring, and somehow the subject of affairs came up--namely people we knew who had them.

Then, point blank, she asked me, "Well, how come we haven't had one?" To which I replied, "Oh, Kim, if we haven't had one by now, it's just not going to happen." Yeah, I know. I probably should have said, "No way, I'm a happily married man, blah blah blah," but I knew that would embarrass her, and ruin the relationship between me and a very good client. With that little bit of verbal jujitsu, I basically manage to preserve a good working relationship without getting into trouble.
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Old 02-05-2009, 08:58 AM
 
350 posts, read 3,953,325 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cpg35223 View Post
You know, if you work in an office with somebody, you're spending more time with that person during your waking hours than you will with your spouse. You might as well have some kind of relationship beyond talking about work and the weather. I think that makes the environment more enjoyable and, 99% of the time, is perfectly innocent.

However, I think there are boundaries that shouldn't be crossed. Meeting for lunch, drinks, or dinner would be a big no-no, unless you were traveling on business together. Even then, I think one should be cautious about matters. Having had a number of colleagues and clients attempt to cross the line with me over the years, I have become much more wary in these situations. Admittedly, it's a balancing act between putting a kibosh on any mischief and ruining the professional relationship.
I see what you're saying about spending more time with colleagues than with your spouse, but why don't people just stick to having fun work friendships with those of their same sex, just to avoid all of the potential problems with the office spouse?

I mean, you can have friends at work, and be goofy with them, etc., but isn't it just easier when they're of your same sex--i.e. no mental energy figuring out if there are boundaries being crossed, etc. It just seems like you're at work to work, why spend the mental energy figuring out if boundaries are being crossed, etc. I have lots of fun chatting, joking around, etc. with my female friends at work. I don't have to worry about whether or not my topics of conversation are inappropriate with them--or getting too intimate. I also don't have to worry about inviting them out to get together outside of work, or having lunch with them. With opposite sex friends, I would think it would just be too much mental energy/drama.
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Old 02-05-2009, 09:10 AM
 
Location: Tampa, FL
2,637 posts, read 11,957,783 times
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Quote:
why don't people just stick to having fun work friendships with those of their same sex
Some people get along better with members of the opposite sex than with their own.
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Old 02-05-2009, 09:11 AM
 
28,900 posts, read 50,377,510 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by kibblesandbits View Post
I see what you're saying about spending more time with colleagues than with your spouse, but why don't people just stick to having fun work friendships with those of their same sex, just to avoid all of the potential problems with the office spouse?

I mean, you can have friends at work, and be goofy with them, etc., but isn't it just easier when they're of your same sex--i.e. no mental energy figuring out if there are boundaries being crossed, etc. It just seems like you're at work to work, why spend the mental energy figuring out if boundaries are being crossed, etc. I have lots of fun chatting, joking around, etc. with my female friends at work. I don't have to worry about whether or not my topics of conversation are inappropriate with them--or getting too intimate. I also don't have to worry about inviting them out to get together outside of work, or having lunch with them. With opposite sex friends, I would think it would just be too much mental energy/drama.
Well, you assume a workplace that has a lot of both genders around. What if it's a small office where it's two women and one man? Does the guy get left out of everything? I owned a company where it was me, nine women, and one other guy who was gay. I had a lot more in common with several of the women than the gay guy.

And, to be honest, the things you have in common have a lot more to do with where you are in life than the genitalia you possess. After all, people with kids naturally relate to other people with kids. If I had tried to have a conversation with the gay guy in my office about kids, I might as well have been speaking Swahili.
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Old 02-05-2009, 09:11 AM
 
1,072 posts, read 2,553,003 times
Reputation: 509
Quote:
Originally Posted by kibblesandbits View Post
I see what you're saying about spending more time with colleagues than with your spouse, but why don't people just stick to having fun work friendships with those of their same sex, just to avoid all of the potential problems with the office spouse?

I mean, you can have friends at work, and be goofy with them, etc., but isn't it just easier when they're of your same sex--i.e. no mental energy figuring out if there are boundaries being crossed, etc. It just seems like you're at work to work, why spend the mental energy figuring out if boundaries are being crossed, etc. I have lots of fun chatting, joking around, etc. with my female friends at work. I don't have to worry about whether or not my topics of conversation are inappropriate with them--or getting too intimate. I also don't have to worry about inviting them out to get together outside of work, or having lunch with them. With opposite sex friends, I would think it would just be too much mental energy/drama.
No, I have to DISagree with you on that one comment you mentioned (that I bolded). Not all women are created the same, and not all men are created the same. Just because you get along with one woman does NOT automatically make you agreeable/ personable to other women, and vice versa.

There are many benefits in having opposite gender friendships, in and out of the workplace. One thing I noticed is that men don't let BS drama take over friendships. If a guy friend of mine has a concern with me, he'll come out and say it (ie, "what you did made me angry and here's why..."). Plus, in my own experience, a guy doesn't trash out your personality over ONE ISSUE. A guy would more likely see an issue between two people just as that -- issue to be solved.

With women, in my own experience, I would have to deal with weeks of silent treatment, followed by everybody else knowing about our "issue" before I get to even have my piece of saying.
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