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Exactly. Neither bode well for any kind of long-term relationship. At that point, what has happened downstairs takes a back seat to what's going on upstairs.
Well, yes and no. I think being choosy about your life partner is a good thing. On the other hand, how realistic are the standards? I mean it's one thing to require physical attraction and similar values and a certain spark. But I've heard some people's requirements be so circumscribed that nobody could possibly fulfill those expectations.
No doubt, there are people who go overboard. But plenty of virgins and non-virgins are quite attractive and dont have those outrageous expectations. I would venture to say that virgins are not phobic at all. They want a relationship, but with someone who will accept that they won't have sex before marriage. It may take them longer to find someone because of that.
I also think, as far as expectations go, many have lowered their standards to accomodate a devolving society. People are eternally grateful for what should be expected. "At least she doesn't do drugs.", "At least he doesn't hit me". What is unreasonable to many these days is a sad indicator of what some are willing to put up with.
well if we are going to talk about purity, the new national turnoff aka virgin, lets talk about relationships, there is no such thing except in commerce, its an affair.
with the new 1984 thinkspeak we have had some relabeling.
No doubt, there are people who go overboard. But plenty of virgins and non-virgins are quite attractive and dont have those outrageous expectations. I would venture to say that virgins are not phobic at all. They want a relationship, but with someone who will accept that they won't have sex before marriage. It may take them longer to find someone because of that.
I also think, as far as expectations go, many have lowered their standards to accomodate a devolving society. People are eternally grateful for what should be expected. "At least she doesn't do drugs.", "At least he doesn't hit me". What is unreasonable to many these days is a sad indicator of what some are willing to put up with.
I agree 100%. It is nearly impossible to find someone today who will accept no sex before marriage. It is VERY pathetic and sad that people who go to church on Sundays and BELIEVE that premarital sex is wrong are willing to go ahead and not follow their beliefs just because they are so "unacceptable."
What I have a greater problem with is this "devolving society" that pushes sex so much. A LOT of things in our society today revolve around sex (largely premarital sex and very random sex) and IMO this is just very trashy.
I also think, as far as expectations go, many have lowered their standards to accomodate a devolving society. People are eternally grateful for what should be expected. "At least she doesn't do drugs.", "At least he doesn't hit me". What is unreasonable to many these days is a sad indicator of what some are willing to put up with.
Very well stated. I completely agree with this. And what a perfect term to describe our culture today.
No doubt, there are people who go overboard. But plenty of virgins and non-virgins are quite attractive and dont have those outrageous expectations. I would venture to say that virgins are not phobic at all. They want a relationship, but with someone who will accept that they won't have sex before marriage. It may take them longer to find someone because of that.
I also think, as far as expectations go, many have lowered their standards to accomodate a devolving society. People are eternally grateful for what should be expected. "At least she doesn't do drugs.", "At least he doesn't hit me". What is unreasonable to many these days is a sad indicator of what some are willing to put up with.
I absolutely agree with you. But I'll give you an instance, an attractive neighbor of ours.
Dated for years, but never settled on anybody. She dated some great guys, too. Nice, funny, good jobs, considerate, nice looking, etc. Yet, she would date them for a few weeks or months and give them the boot. My wife, a discriminating person herself, finally asked Christie what the deal was. As it turns out, here were her criteria:
1) Must never have been married before
2) Must earn above $120,000 a year as a white-collar professional
3) Must be good at fixing things
4) Must be Presbyterian
5) Must be over 6'
6) Must be Southern
7) Must not smoke, drink, or ever have done drugs
8) Must have a great sense of humor
9) Must love kids and dogs
10) Must really love to read
11) Two or three others, including, "Must be willing for me to have a facial and a manicure a couple of times a month"
Now, you could make the case that any one of these is reasonable in and of itself--even if you don't personally agree with them for yourself. But, by the time you get to requirement #9, the field of candidates has basically shrunk to zero. So, Christie is pushing 40 now, wants kids, and cannot understand why she can't find a guy. Add the fact that she kind of has the princess thing going, and you realize that no guy is going to go through the equivalent of wriggling under razor wire and crossing a minefield in order to win her affections. Yet she blames men for the fact that she's not married. Mrs. CPG threw up her hands on this subject a long time ago.
I used to get a kick out of training up a younger or less experienced guy but not anymore. I have to say I would probably run in the opposite direction if I was out with a guy who announced he was a virgin. I might wait until the end of the date but run I would.
41 is the age of the OP. I would say the age should be about 30-35 actually.
Oh, k. You meant he should be settled down by now. Gotcha.
Still, why 30-35? What makes that the cut off?
Quote:
Anyone who is not mature or emotionally stable enough to "connect" is also not mature or emotionally stable enough to be involved in a sexual relationship. A repeated series of random sexual partners can be dangerous, even if protection is used.
Yes, that could be dangerous. But I don't think you were referring to their welfare. And someone who is not prepared for a committed relationship can be so for several reasons, not just that they aren't mature enough.
Quote:
Yes, but this is why they should wait until at least after a month or two.
From your previous posting:
Quote:
As far as I'm concerned, premarital sex IS wrong.
Quote:
I don't have such a problem with sex in committed non-marraige relationships.
If it's wrong, it's wrong. Committed non-marriage relationships may not lead to marriage, so really, they shouldn't be doing it at all.
But what if they wait a year, have sex and it still doesn't work out?
My point is that you cannot put a timeline or an expectation of forever on any relationship, including marriage. Just like married people, many unmarried people become involved with the hope that there is a future. There is nothing insignificant or disgusting about them making love before marriage. It could very well mean everything to them.
Also from your previous posting:
Quote:
It disgusts me that people think it is a BAD thing to not be involved in these relationships.
You should insert "when" there. Not everyone thinks that way.
Last edited by PassTheChocolate; 02-14-2009 at 12:38 PM..
Reason: to fix the mumbo jumbo
I absolutely agree with you. But I'll give you an instance, an attractive neighbor of ours.
Dated for years, but never settled on anybody. She dated some great guys, too. Nice, funny, good jobs, considerate, nice looking, etc. Yet, she would date them for a few weeks or months and give them the boot. My wife, a discriminating person herself, finally asked Christie what the deal was. As it turns out, here were her criteria:
1) Must never have been married before
2) Must earn above $120,000 a year as a white-collar professional
3) Must be good at fixing things
4) Must be Presbyterian
5) Must be over 6'
6) Must be Southern
7) Must not smoke, drink, or ever have done drugs
8) Must have a great sense of humor
9) Must love kids and dogs
10) Must really love to read
11) Two or three others, including, "Must be willing for me to have a facial and a manicure a couple of times a month"
Now, you could make the case that any one of these is reasonable in and of itself--even if you don't personally agree with them for yourself. But, by the time you get to requirement #9, the field of candidates has basically shrunk to zero. So, Christie is pushing 40 now, wants kids, and cannot understand why she can't find a guy. Add the fact that she kind of has the princess thing going, and you realize that no guy is going to go through the equivalent of wriggling under razor wire and crossing a minefield in order to win her affections. Yet she blames men for the fact that she's not married. Mrs. CPG threw up her hands on this subject a long time ago.
Good night! I am with you 100% there. She's gonna be alone for a while.....lol.
What I have a greater problem with is this "devolving society" that pushes sex so much. A LOT of things in our society today revolve around sex (largely premarital sex and very random sex) and IMO this is just very trashy.
Society has always revolved around sex. We as Americans used to like to delude ourselves into believing this was not the case. Premarital and random sex are very common around the world. We don't push sex. We want it.
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