Welcome to City-Data.com Forum!
U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
 
Old 12-11-2019, 07:02 AM
 
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,940 posts, read 36,703,214 times
Reputation: 40634

Advertisements

Quote:
Originally Posted by ThisTown123 View Post
Sadly, you are in the minority. Some women here should be more like you. :-)

Why should anyone be more like someone else? How about they be free to be themselves?


I'm 48. When I'm out dating the reality is I'm not running across people, unless they were married at 22 and just separated within the last few months that have slept with fewer than 10 to 20 people. Not that I'd ask, but really, lets be real.

 
Old 12-11-2019, 09:45 AM
 
Location: Texas
13,480 posts, read 8,282,843 times
Reputation: 25941
Quote:
Originally Posted by timberline742 View Post
I'm 48. When I'm out dating the reality is I'm not running across people, unless they were married at 22 and just separated within the last few months that have slept with fewer than 10 to 20 people. Not that I'd ask, but really, lets be real.
Does it really matter, though?

And there''s ultimately no way to ever know for sure. Even if someone hired a private investigator, they still wouldn't be able to find out.
 
Old 12-11-2019, 09:50 AM
 
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,940 posts, read 36,703,214 times
Reputation: 40634
Quote:
Originally Posted by PriscillaVanilla View Post
Does it really matter, though?

And there''s ultimately no way to ever know for sure. Even if someone hired a private investigator, they still wouldn't be able to find out.


Not to me. I mean, they need to know what they're doing. Sometimes after connecting with someone married young and inexperienced and they're just getting out there you're like, OMG, you haven't a clue as to what the bleep you're doing. That is a turn off. But otherwise, if they're sensual, have a clue, and there is sexual chemistry it usually works out. There are plenty of times where one can run into a someone with some experience and there is no sexual chemistry either, or there isn't sexual compatibility, and that's a no fly zone as well.
 
Old 12-11-2019, 10:14 AM
 
Location: Texas
13,480 posts, read 8,282,843 times
Reputation: 25941
Quote:
Originally Posted by timberline742 View Post
Not to me. I mean, they need to know what they're doing. Sometimes after connecting with someone married young and inexperienced and they're just getting out there you're like, OMG, you haven't a clue as to what the bleep you're doing. That is a turn off. But otherwise, if they're sensual, have a clue, and there is sexual chemistry it usually works out. There are plenty of times where one can run into a someone with some experience and there is no sexual chemistry either, or there isn't sexual compatibility, and that's a no fly zone as well.
You can guess at how experienced someone is, or isn't. Still no way to know the actual number of partners they've had. A man can lie easily if he's a virgin, nobody would know unless he was totally clueless in bed.
 
Old 12-11-2019, 10:23 AM
 
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,940 posts, read 36,703,214 times
Reputation: 40634
Quote:
Originally Posted by PriscillaVanilla View Post
You can guess at how experienced someone is, or isn't. Still no way to know the actual number of partners they've had. A man can lie easily if he's a virgin, nobody would know unless he was totally clueless in bed.

Well one would expect a virgin to be clueless in bed. My partner says she avoids guys who were married for overly long as they tended to be less experienced or they were rigid in their ways. I don't generally connect with people that were married long periods of time so it isn't' on my radar at all. I don't know anyone that really cares about numbers though. I can't actually fathom being so rude and tacky as to ask. Not like lots of people remember either.
 
Old 12-11-2019, 10:50 AM
 
Location: Phoenix, AZ
20,201 posts, read 14,425,887 times
Reputation: 39023
Quote:
Originally Posted by ThisTown123 View Post
Sadly, you are in the minority. Some women here should be more like you. :-)
I ONLY agree with you insofar as I think that people should not shame other people for the number of partners they've had. Whether that is a high or low number or none. It's OK if you prefer an experienced partner, or you enjoy inexperienced partners. Your preferences are your preferences. (Which is why I was like, "Who cares?") But there's no need to be judgy or put anybody down. I'd love to see less of that in the world.

I've mentioned in another of these interminable threads that I may have a sort of "thing" for virgin guys. I liken it to watching a favorite movie I've seen a hundred times, with a close friend or loved one who has never yet seen it. I've found their enthusiasm and wonder to be utterly adorable, and I can't deny that I've got a slightly wicked streak that feels a bit "corrupting the innocent, muahaha" about it. Most of these virgin-hunting experiences took place when I was in high school, which is also the time where I racked up the great majority of my partner count anyways. Obviously it was much easier to find virgin boys when I was a teenager among teenagers. They were not any worse in bed than other teenage boys, which is to say they could figure out the mechanics of the act but nobody was really bringing anything mind-blowing to the table at that time in my sexual history anyways. Of course, I'd had yet to discover a lot of things I now know and have experienced.

But in the post-marriage phase of my life, I've found that the one (formerly) virgin I've experienced has been a fantastic lover. Sure, things were a bit odd at first, but I had an instinct that was telling me to have some patience, though I didn't know the extent of his inexperience at the time. It paid off. But in my case, the way I like things might not be the way that most women do, I guess. Because plenty of men who brag about having a high partner count, just assumed they could engage in the standard set of acts and moves, and it didn't do much for me. They figured they were studly and satisfying, but I found them to be "meh." Not attentive, not apt to learn ME, or adapt or pay attention. Like a lot of men assume all women are the same and like the same stuff. Or they're a lot more concerned with getting what they know they like. I'm sure that a lot of women are similar to that in bed, too. But I've certainly found that a lot of guys like different variations of technique and it's useful to consider each new partner to be a new person I need to learn new things with, to please them. The virgin partner I refer to earlier in this paragraph, did not bring things he learned from other women, that do nothing for me, to the table. He learned ME. But he'd been doing lots of research, not just watching porn, but reading about anatomy, technique, women's erotica, women's opinions online, all kinds of stuff. So it's not like he didn't have a clue. When I say it's 2019 and the information is out there, I'm really not talking about porn.

So tl;dr, I haven't found male virgins to be bad lovers. I have found experienced men to be bad lovers sometimes. And I know that when I was inexperienced, let alone a virgin, myself...I was seriously inhibited and afraid of all but the most basic of activities. Unless a guy gets off on the "shy/innocent/naive" aspect of a female virgin, or is just desperate for relief from insecurities about other men having touched his partner...I don't really see the appeal in female virgins. Experienced women are more likely to know what pleases us and be willing to communicate it, be playful and experimental in what acts we're willing to do, that sort of thing. Anyone familiar with Dan Savage's "GGG" concept? Good, giving, game? I've found virgin men to be that, virgin women not so much. Must my opinion.
 
Old 12-11-2019, 12:33 PM
 
Location: (six-cent-dix-sept)
6,639 posts, read 4,518,278 times
Reputation: 4730
Quote:
Originally Posted by timberline742 View Post
Not to me. I mean, they need to know what they're doing. Sometimes after connecting with someone married young and inexperienced and they're just getting out there you're like, OMG, you haven't a clue as to what the bleep you're doing. That is a turn off. But otherwise, if they're sensual, have a clue, and there is sexual chemistry it usually works out. There are plenty of times where one can run into a someone with some experience and there is no sexual chemistry either, or there isn't sexual compatibility, and that's a no fly zone as well.
Quote:
Originally Posted by PriscillaVanilla View Post
You can guess at how experienced someone is, or isn't. Still no way to know the actual number of partners they've had. A man can lie easily if he's a virgin, nobody would know unless he was totally clueless in bed.

i can never understand this ? i guess you cant be specific or else a mod will block ?
i guess i'm the only one whos first time wasnt totally clueless ?
 
Old 12-11-2019, 01:13 PM
 
Location: Phoenix, AZ
20,201 posts, read 14,425,887 times
Reputation: 39023
Quote:
Originally Posted by stanley-88888888 View Post
i can never understand this ? i guess you cant be specific or else a mod will block ?
i guess i'm the only one whos first time wasnt totally clueless ?
We really have to be careful not to be too explicit here. I'm gonna try and hope I'm being vague enough.

In terms of "clueless" when it comes to women (as per my opinion above) I would think the "just lays there" types, those who think that certain activities are "gross" or scary, and refuse to try them... One area where I'd say I was "clueless" I guess, was that as a girl overhearing enough boys make "fish" jokes, I was convinced that my lady parts were nasty even though I could not detect any smell, I was terrified that I was just used to it, and intensely self conscious. I mean, just the fact that a normal, healthy woman body has fluids and such...I figured that was gross and disgusting. I REFUSED to let a guy use mouth or hands on me. There was nothing wrong with me! It actually took me having some experiences with women to realize how absurd this mindset was. But when you aren't very experienced you're scared of all the ways it could go wrong. I was caught in this weird place where I was listening, trying to figure out what boys wanted, and how to get them to like me...and I was getting conflicting information because one second they'd act like they were full of desire for what I was, the next they were vilifying and putting girls down, so they hate me but they want me? How can you see something as desirable AND disgusting, at the same time? I was really confused, early in my adolescence, by all of this.

In terms of the "clueless" male...lol, I'm telling you I have seen this in experienced men, I really don't think it's a "virgins" thing... As an example, there was a joke about a hand technique that a man saw in porn, and he tried it on his partner, and she said that no, this isn't the motion you use to make me happy unless you are in the kitchen scrubbing a pan. While not everything in adult film is fake, a lot is. Often it's got to be, so that the camera can even get the right angle, if what was happening was what's needed to pleasure the woman, the view of her business would be blocked. I've literally seen video of "lesbians" where a woman is doing nothing but sticking her tongue out in the air a few inches away from her partner's body--not even making actual contact--but the partner is moaning as though something is happening. So in my opinion, one of the worse kinds of cluelessness on the part of men, is thinking that porn is where you get good techniques.

And overall a big indicator of cluelessness for either, is lack of knowledge of what enjoy and/or lack of ability to communicate and give feedback, to even talk about sex with their partner, or to listen to your partner and adjust. I'd say that good indicators of a man's skill have been high empathy and sensitivity to non-verbal signals, because that tells me he'll notice a woman's responses. All the "experience" in the world can't give a man that skill if he doesn't have it.
 
Old 12-11-2019, 07:49 PM
 
5 posts, read 3,753 times
Reputation: 20
Quote:
Originally Posted by wallstreeterww View Post
Its really hillarious that most people in our country believe that older virgins are a turn off. Im a 41 year old virgin and waiting till marriage. For me the turnoff and the hillarious part is finding out that a potential date or a woman im interested in has had premarital sex and actually thinks its a cool thing and normal.

No wonder why we have a 65% divorce rate. No one should ever complain about that because it seems liek society is totally into short term relationships that will never last. No wonder why hollywood is so popular lol
I do understand your point about the divorce rate, and the rate of pre-marital sex.

But dealing with the current environment, this just isn't practical. Really isn't. Wishful thinking.

I prefer pragmatic thinking.

Fact is that the average age of marriage now is in the early to mid 30's. And it really is very confusing for sexually mature men, because it's not natural.

Naturally many guys with high drives are not just waiting until 35 or whatever

And this is what happens: you do have to navigate girls who are single mothers very early. An ex when I was 17 is now mother of several kids from different fathers.

Fair enough. So lesson learnt, and I have dated young since the other type who wait it out until the mid-30's for marriage. Safer and I feel more comfortable. But, I do believe that this is a grass is greener cultural syndrome sort of thing, and contrary to a successful relationship.

It's difficult as a guy tbh. Probably never been more so. Do think you need to compromise a bit though. Virgin at 41 must surely tell you that it's not in keeping with the times and some small compromise should be considered at least, though I do respect you loads for sticking to your beliefs.

Last edited by Kasper2k; 12-11-2019 at 08:58 PM..
 
Old 12-11-2019, 10:55 PM
 
Location: Texas
13,480 posts, read 8,282,843 times
Reputation: 25941
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kasper2k View Post
Naturally many guys with high drives are not just waiting until 35 or whatever

And this is what happens: you do have to navigate girls who are single mothers very early. An ex when I was 17 is now mother of several kids from different fathers.
.
This doesn't make sense to me. There are plenty of women in their 20s and 30s who don't have kids by several different men. If you are dating college degreed women, the odds are even better that you'll find a woman with no kids, or with only kids by one man.

I agree it's really very WRONG to tell people they should be celibate until marriage, considering the average age of first marriage keeps going up and up. The "I married my high school sweetheart" crowd can keep bleating on about virginity but they don't realize it's harder for people who marry past the age of 21. There is something very wrong about married people, who get sex on a regular basis, telling everyone else they aren't allowed to have sex if they are still single.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Closed Thread


Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships

All times are GMT -6.

© 2005-2024, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Contact Us - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37 - Top