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I had a few younger partners in my younger days who were fun, I guess, but I have REALLY been enjoying the older guys. Late 40's minimum. But that has not always meant "more sexual experience" though. And it makes me wonder, because this thread is about virgins and it's assumed they'd be younger, but... The rare older guy with not so much experience has still had enough LIFE experience to know a thing or two, and was still a superior experience. Or else I am able to enjoy sex more in my late 30's up, than I ever did before...I dunno. Bit of both maybe?
But to me, what's more important than the body is the mind. If dude has the right stuff going on in his head, he can be, or quickly become a stellar partner in bed.
I don't have any interest in waiting for someone to become. I am 51 years old for heaven's sake. But I have simply never experienced an older inexperienced man who was anything other than a sweaty, panting teen. And then. Worst ever. Grateful. Yes, grateful. Grateful that I had sex with him. Can I even THINK of a bigger turn off?
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What I don't like is the assumed prejudice against older virgin men in particular
Why not? As a dater, I am entirely entitled to whatever prejudice I want. As is every man who decided I was a **** and rejected me for that reason. If I miss out on that wonderful dude, that is all on me.
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, with this thinking that "Well of course men want to have sex and would eventually get desperate enough to get it on with SOMEONE if anybody were willing, so nobody must have wanted him, which would indicate he's got red flags even if I can't see them right now. I'll just let those other women's judgment inform my own without thinking for myself here. Surely they had reasons."
Of course, I stated my reasons. And while that may cross my mind, it was not one of my reasons.
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I mean not a bit is it considered that it might be part women not going for him, but also a bigger part, him not chasing women. Not being desperate to the point of doing whatever it takes just to score. Actually wanting a really good connection, or else none at all.
I mean granted, a man who has little or no experience at an age, say, past his 20's, is going to be a rarity anyways. I'd figure that there were reasons and I'd be interested to know what they were, but I would not make assumptions or judgments about said reasons before even getting to know a guy.
And these virgin threads we get in here are silly to me anyways because of all the criteria, I mean...I need to get to know a person some, to know if I am down for whatever with them... I cannot say, if I met someone and we hit it off really well and I was enthusiastic about them and hot for them, that finding out they lacked experience would instantly throw cold water on that. When I'm in that place, most things I find out just make me more intrigued...unless they're really bad things. Virginity (whatever that even means) isn't a "really bad" dealbreaking thing in my opinion.
I just find negative value judgments and shaming based on sexual experience levels, really in either direction, against the very experienced or the very inexperienced...I dunno, I guess I just don't get it.
Shaming? Would it be "shaming" to have a desire to date someone who, say, doesn't smell? That is just nonsense. I am looking for a partner for myself. And I don't owe anyone jack.
I don't have any interest in waiting for someone to become. I am 51 years old for heaven's sake. But I have simply never experienced an older inexperienced man who was anything other than a sweaty, panting teen. And then. Worst ever. Grateful. Yes, grateful. Grateful that I had sex with him. Can I even THINK of a bigger turn off?
Why not? As a dater, I am entirely entitled to whatever prejudice I want. As is every man who decided I was a **** and rejected me for that reason. If I miss out on that wonderful dude, that is all on me.
Of course, I stated my reasons. And while that may cross my mind, it was not one of my reasons.
Shaming? Would it be "shaming" to have a desire to date someone who, say, doesn't smell? That is just nonsense. I am looking for a partner for myself. And I don't owe anyone jack.
I'm not sure if Sonic was directing the shaming comment at you specifically, or at this thread, or perhaps both. She did quote you and then include that reference, but she also referred to shaming based on any out of the ordinary level of sexual experience.
This thread though is rife with shaming language. It seems like several people feel challenged to defend their right to not date virgins. I'm not sure why a discussion among mostly strangers online feels so threatening that they have to provide detailed answers to a question that any aware person knows isn't really an effort to determine anyone's dating prospects, just like all "would you date someone with blank trait", when blank trait is clearly understood to be a dating challenge. Those threads are almost always either a plea for something like support, or as appears to be the case with this OP, a way to pout and take shots at people who have "too much" sex. You haven't much contributed to that, although describing inexperienced men, from your experience, as sweaty, panting, and overly grateful isn't really neutral language. I believe your account, but it seems gratuitously negative. And I've experience women partners who were sweaty, panting, and grateful, and I kind of thought that meant we clicked pretty well, but YYMV.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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I mean, this is all kind of a moot point. The odds of running into it IRL is astronomically against it. It's really something someone would want to try to seek out.
I mean, this is all kind of a moot point. The odds of running into it IRL is astronomically against it. It's really something someone would want to try to seek out.
Its about 3% of the population who have never had sex or save sex for marriage. Its about as common as homosexuality. They are out there.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,937 posts, read 36,951,955 times
Reputation: 40635
Quote:
Originally Posted by shelato
Its about 3% of the population who have never had sex or save sex for marriage. Its about as common as homosexuality. They are out there.
Yeah, but likely they're not going to be dating as they're in religious orders, or have severe handicaps (physical or mental), or in the closet due to shame, etc. Unless they're a "save it for marriage" type that almost always gets married fairly young. It's really a long long shot to be adult hetero or homosexual that wants to date to actually be a virgin. I'm sure there are a few, I'm sure I could date every day of the week for the rest of my life and never ever run into one. I mean, the CDC says its about 0.3% of adults 44+ that have never had sex. That's not 3%, that is three tenths of one percent. Super uncommon. Not too many people are going to be running into nuns in their dating lives.
Yeah, but likely they're not going to be dating as they're in religious orders, or have severe handicaps (physical or mental), or in the closet due to shame, etc.
Does that make me lucky or unlucky that I have come across it more than once?
Yeah, but likely they're not going to be dating as they're in religious orders, or have severe handicaps (physical or mental), or in the closet due to shame, etc. Unless they're a "save it for marriage" type that almost always gets married fairly young. It's really a long long shot to be adult hetero or homosexual that wants to date to actually be a virgin. I'm sure there are a few, I'm sure I could date every day of the week for the rest of my life and never ever run into one. I mean, the CDC says its about 0.3% of adults 44+ that have never had sex. That's not 3%, that is three tenths of one percent. Super uncommon. Not too many people are going to be running into nuns in their dating lives.
I am talking about adults 18-45. Its above 3% for both males and females. That is more common than homosexuality. There are a lot of people who aren't having sex. I think it was Washington Post reporting 23% of adults had no sex in the past year. The people who have sex the most are married people and as marriage rates have fallen, there are more lonely single people. Think about all of the people who post here, who don't know how to date.
I had a few younger partners in my younger days who were fun, I guess, but I have REALLY been enjoying the older guys. Late 40's minimum. But that has not always meant "more sexual experience" though. And it makes me wonder, because this thread is about virgins and it's assumed they'd be younger, but... The rare older guy with not so much experience has still had enough LIFE experience to know a thing or two, and was still a superior experience. Or else I am able to enjoy sex more in my late 30's up, than I ever did before...I dunno. Bit of both maybe?
But to me, what's more important than the body is the mind. If dude has the right stuff going on in his head, he can be, or quickly become a stellar partner in bed.
What I don't like is the assumed prejudice against older virgin men in particular, with this thinking that "Well of course men want to have sex and would eventually get desperate enough to get it on with SOMEONE if anybody were willing, so nobody must have wanted him, which would indicate he's got red flags even if I can't see them right now. I'll just let those other women's judgment inform my own without thinking for myself here. Surely they had reasons."
I mean not a bit is it considered that it might be part women not going for him, but also a bigger part, him not chasing women. Not being desperate to the point of doing whatever it takes just to score. Actually wanting a really good connection, or else none at all.
I mean granted, a man who has little or no experience at an age, say, past his 20's, is going to be a rarity anyways. I'd figure that there were reasons and I'd be interested to know what they were, but I would not make assumptions or judgments about said reasons before even getting to know a guy.
And these virgin threads we get in here are silly to me anyways because of all the criteria, I mean...I need to get to know a person some, to know if I am down for whatever with them... I cannot say, if I met someone and we hit it off really well and I was enthusiastic about them and hot for them, that finding out they lacked experience would instantly throw cold water on that. When I'm in that place, most things I find out just make me more intrigued...unless they're really bad things. Virginity (whatever that even means) isn't a "really bad" dealbreaking thing in my opinion.
I just find negative value judgments and shaming based on sexual experience levels, really in either direction, against the very experienced or the very inexperienced...I dunno, I guess I just don't get it.
I wouldn't date a 20 year old guy though! lol
And if a guy told me he'd had sex with a hundred women, hey maybe he disappointed 100 women enough that none of them wanted him to stick around!
big up. i cant imagine someone saying no to a.c. green just becuz hes chaste.
i love how murderers in prison have humans writing them asking for conjugals; but, quote-unquote virgins are the ones being shamed having to wear the scarlet letter.
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Originally Posted by somebodynew
I don't have any interest in waiting for someone to become. I am 51 years old for heaven's sake. But I have simply never experienced an older inexperienced man who was anything other than a sweaty, panting teen. And then. Worst ever. Grateful. Yes, grateful. Grateful that I had sex with him. Can I even THINK of a bigger turn off?
big up. i cant imagine someone saying no to a.c. green just becuz hes chaste.
I am good with not beign with someone who uses the word "chaste"!
Quote:
i love how murderers in prison have humans writing them asking for conjugals; but, quote-unquote virgins are the ones being shamed having to wear the scarlet letter.
Whatever weird thing that makes people want to date convicts, I can't say. But my dating has exactly no element of reward or punishment. No scarlet letter. I just don't wanna date 'em.
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